To hate people using my first name

[Cloudyyy]

Is it unreasonable to expect strangers (shop assistants, clients etc) to use my title and surname instead of my first name unless I say otherwise? I just cannot stand the rudeness of being called my first name by a bank worker, just for example, without reason. We are not friends or colleagues, there is no need. It is presumptuous and rude. Is there ever a polite way of asking someone not to? I rarely dare say anything especially to clients and yet I really don’t like it. Do others think this is fine?

I hate being referred to by a title. Given the option I don't use it at all.

I have had issues with online forms though, buying tickets I selected 'other' and then didn't put anything else down. Tickets came addressed to 'Other Balloon Dinosaur' 🙄

But surely your first name is more 'yours' than a surname, which can change. I have no issue with anyone using my first name.

My DGM died earlier this year, aged 93. She loved being called Joan rather than her surname as she felt it was friendlier

Maybe I'm just immature but I find it quite weird being called Mrs Surname. If someone asks my name I always give my first name (and sometimes surname). I would never introduce myself as Mrs. I'm probably offending people all over the place by using first names for everyone except my kids' teachers.

I have a rather posh first name and a surname that is not pronounced as it is spelled. It has 17 letters. What irks me are the endless comments- it was worse becore I married because then my last name was also forrin. It gets really boring - nurses please note. You wouldn't say to a BAME person "ooh, that's a funny name, where does that come from, or that's unusual what made your mum call you that". It would be potentially racist I think.

Oh yes and I teach kids extra curricular classes in and out of schools and the kids all call me by first name. It's been that way for years, I sometimes think I should change as they are used to calling teachers Mrs x and maybe implies they respect me less but I think I would just forget.

I don’t like titles. I really don’t like being called Mrs Mug.

I’d prefer a world where nobody had a title. It’s an archaic way of denoting status imo and we are all equal, I don’t like a power imbalance in relationships from the outset.

Oh and the cup in Starbucks. It gives me a frisson of excitement to write Ann

Madam makes me disconnect so fast god loathe it Oh yes, staff at Waitrose often refer to me as Madam - there is no need for it, I really hate it!

My surname isn't easy to say and while I'm not offended by the common mispronunciations of it, I'm happy to be called by my first name, it IS my name after all

Are you a Featherstonehaugh / Fanshaw Roses? I always find that intriguing and it’s an infinitely cool name, but slightly annoying to have constant comments, I’m sure.

You're a bit wound up over nothing. It's your name, how humans identify you

Madam makes me disconnect so fast god loathe it

I love “ma’am”. 😍. Living in Central Scotland, I rarely hear it though.

Doesn't bother me as long as I can call the people by their first name too.

Madam makes me disconnect so fast god loathe it

This! Although I think it may be because it's used in a negative way 95% of the time

Urgh I hate when people call me Miss CakeGal, even more so when they call me Mrs CakeGal - to me that's my mums name as I'm not married and I find it very presumptuous! Or Ms which makes me feel like an old spinster! Just use my first name and don't bloody shorten it!

I don’t mind someone saying my name but what gets my goat is when a complete stranger, or someone I don’t know that well calls me a shortened version of my name. I really dislike that.

This is an issue where you can't do right for doing wrong.

OP hates being addressed by her first name. I'm the opposite and hate being addressed by anything other than my first name.

The only solution would be to ask for a specific preference in every single individual interaction, which would be a pain in itself.

Or we can all just accept we don't always get our preference in every interaction and get on with our lives.

I prefer my first name to be used, but I have an elderly aunt who insists on being called Mrs Croissant.

builder - hello, I'm Jim, what is your name?
Aunt - Mrs Croissant
builder - I mean what should I call you?
Aunt (frostily) - Mrs Croissant

I had a phone call yesterday where someone tentatively said 'is that Mrs Croissant' but mispronounced my name slightly - although it's really common where we come from and is not a difficult name at all, some people seem to do a bit of a Bucket/Bouquet on it! I'll answer to either.

I generally prefer being called by my first name and have noticed how much more common this has become. Staff at DDs primary school call me HP, but 10 years ago I was Mrs Likecraft.

But the thing I dislike is when it is not reciprocal. There is an otherwise wonderful, senior doctor at our GP’s who asks if he may call you by your first name (yes, that’s fine), but then still refers to himself as Dr Makebetter and expects to be addressed thusly.
If you’re going down the first name route it has to be mutual. If a Dr (for example) feels it it necessary to maintain that title at all times to make clear their position, experience and authority that’s fine, but they shouldn’t then expect to call patients, clients etc. by their first names.

The not reciprocal thing doesn't bother me to be honest. If someone else prefers Mrs/Mr/Dr Whatever I'm happy enough to go along with it, I just dislike it for myself.

I think in part though it is because I share a name with a famous person and am bored rigid with the same old jokes about it so if people only know me by my first name it kind of avoids that situation arising.

You're a bit wound up over nothing. It's your name, how humans identify you

To me, those two sentences conflict. How other people identify me is quite important, particularly if they insist on embedding that identity within patriarchal norms.

When people call me Ma'am or Miss it takes me back to prison nursing days

I am almost 70. I prefer first name on both sides but hate "Hello Susie, I am Dr Smith" so bloody patronising. Also if a teacher wanted to be called Mr Smith then I would expect him to use Mrs Surname. I don't mind online banking calling me Susie if they are saying" Kevin here, how can I help?". It's a bit old fashioned and frosty to insist on surname but I will not be treated like a young child.

I don’t understand what is so difficult about using Ms consistently for all women. People have managed since the beginning of time to use one title for men, so why can’t it just happen?

@toomuchtooold does Frau have a lower age limit? Do you change from Fräulein on the morning of your 18th birthday or something, or are literally all females Frau now?

I find it so wierd how we call the teachers at our children's school Mrs whoever. It's just that I never do it in any other situation apart from at work it feels so wierd