To hate people using my first name

[Cloudyyy]

Is it unreasonable to expect strangers (shop assistants, clients etc) to use my title and surname instead of my first name unless I say otherwise? I just cannot stand the rudeness of being called my first name by a bank worker, just for example, without reason. We are not friends or colleagues, there is no need. It is presumptuous and rude. Is there ever a polite way of asking someone not to? I rarely dare say anything especially to clients and yet I really don’t like it. Do others think this is fine?

"It was very odd that she didn't realise it was quicker and easier to write Mr & Mrs Smith rather than Dr Verticality & Professor Smith."

It's also rude and incorrect. Maybe she should have handled it better byt you are in the wrong to use a name that someone doesn't want to employ to address them.

My grandmother once had a meeting at her bank, and the young man she was seeing said to her "can I call you Mary?". Her response was "I think you know me well enough to call me Mrs Williams".

That put him in his place!

I’m nearly 60 and prefer first names 99% of the time including from medical staff. As long as they aren’t talking down to me I’m not bothered. Mrs X sounds overly formal to me.

apparently the vet preferred all clients to be addressed more formally.

I have the same problem with school. I have asked them to call me by my first name, but despite regularly talking to them, they insist on Mrs.... I find that rude. If a policy doesn't allow for client preference it is a crap policy.

Most businesses I've come across will ask. I'd never insist someone calls me by a title as it comes across as superior, demanding "respect"

I prefer my first name being used as otherwise they say "Miss" and that always sounds to me like referring to a young girl... I go by Ms but obviously that's more difficult to pronounce and people clearly say Miss instead.

I'm ancient by mumsnet standards but even I prefer to be called by my first name Ess and find Mrs Pee uncomfortably formal in most situations.

when in laws refer to me as "Mrs DH Lastname" instead of as "Dr Mysurname" it boils my piss precisely because they do it deliberately. They also refuse to call DH 'Professor'.

That would annoy me as well. I really don't care that it takes longer to write than "Mr and Mrs Smith". I fundamentally object to having my identity erased and being referred to as someone else's property. If you're going to the trouble of using titles, use them properly. And it is deliberate - they don't understand why you object and as far as they're concerned you somehow should take his name, because that's what people do. Fuck that. Either use the correct titles or just write "Jane and John".

I really don’t get this. I have a name. It’s not a secret from anyone. I am more than happy for people to use it.

Isn't it funny how in the days when men had titles: Captain, Wing Commander, Major, Brigadier they never really posed a problem but companies and especially hospitals have enormous difficulty with Miss, Mrs and Ms being seemingly unable to note preference and properly apply them. Perhaps it goes back to the patriarchal point.

What I really can’t stand is being called “Mum” or “X’s mum” by people other than my children.

You may call me 'Miss Patty'. 'Plastic' is for close friends and family only.

But how do people know whether you're Miss, Mrs, Ms, Dr or whatever other title you you might identify with, without a crystal ball?

They don't, so they default to your actual name.

Given that you're so precious about people calling you 'Miss Patty', I bet you're equally precious about people calling you Mrs or Ms.

Right?!

My grandmother hated it when the nurses called her Vera and not Mrs Young, but she was 85 in 2000! How old are you? My name is just my name, it is the tone and the way people speak to you I monitor.

Mum is bad and usually not necessary

Your ds is over here. How is he feeling. Mum tagged on the end not necessary

I don’t need them or really want them to use my first name and definitely not Mrs last name

Errrrr I think you’re being a little strange, it’s your name afterall?

I detest complete strangers presuming to use my first name. It’s for friends and family. Anyone else should have the courtesy to ask permission to use it.
I’m a retired doctor, and I always taught my trainees to introduce themselves formally to patients as Dr Surname, not “Hi, I’m Firstname”.
I also insisted they use the patient’s title and surname unless invited not to.
The reason was to preserve the patient’s dignity and keep a professional space.
If you’re about to see the patient naked in the operating theatre or stick your fingers up their rectum, it is utterly inappropriate to be using their first name.
Particularly for young junior doctors, who look like achoolkids to elderly patients, it’s important to be detached and use the title “Dr”, to help to inspire confidence in one’s abilities and position. And to show respect for the patient by extending them the same courtesy of a title and surname.

I don't like it, and I particularly dislike it when it's someone who's trying to sell you something or persuade you of something - using your first name about every 3 words because they've been (presumably) told that it comes across as cosy and friendly, or some such shite.

It doesn't. It just rankles and puts me right off both them and whatever they're trying to flog or persuade me of.

it’s important to be detached and use the title “Dr”, to help to inspire confidence in one’s abilities and position. And to show respect for the patient by extending them the same courtesy of a title and surname.

No, it's not important.

That's not the culture where I am, and it's much better for it.

I may be younger than you, but I'm still middle-aged, and times have moved on here.

People increasingly feel much more at ease with less formality and stiffness, especially when they're feeling vulnerable and anxious in a health-related situation.

At work we have to ask how people want to be addressed.
Although if someone straight if introduces themselves as Mrs so and so then I'll call them that. Or by their first name then I'll call them that.

It's so so rare though that someone says they want to be called Mrs/Mr so and so. So it's very surprising when that happens.

I think it's a bit surprising when people call me miss...
It's just formal isn't it
I want brought up in that generation

I agree with you OP. YANBU. Bank staff or a business relationship like that should use 'title surname' unless they are given permission to use a first name. I notice when people do it and I'm a bit but I've never actually said anything.

No one is business to business uses titles - you come off sounding a bit weird.

Oh I've just had Daisy from the technical team at TalkTalk on the line. "Hello m'am, this is Daisy from the talk talk technical team - how are you today m'am" "Very well thank you Daisy but as I don't take unsolicited calls would you mind putting anything you wish to say in writing" clunk, bzzzzz. She was as likely to have been a genuine caller as my elbow's sister.

@babdoc I quite agree with you and fail to understand why so many in the nhs diverge from your point of view.

Just ask because assuming everyone wants Mrs is going to be the wrong choice for many, more than half maybe

Don’t like being called Mrs Smellbow. Much prefer my first name. Clients call me by my name if they remember it and I much prefer our schools calling me by my name rather than Mrs.

I also think it depends on what field you’re in and in what capacity you provide a service to clients.

Interesting to read all the different responses! It’s only a lighthearted post, although I do find it rude. I would say that the bank do know my title and surname so wouldn’t have to guess what to call me. I would appreciate a little professional distance and etiquette when using my name in a formal setting that’s all. I just feel more comfortable when people aren’t overfamiliar before I even know them. Often it can be a person who hasn’t even introduced themselves by any name to me and yet will call me by my first name as a friend or colleague may do.

Madam makes me disconnect so fast god loathe it