To hate people using my first name

[Cloudyyy]

Is it unreasonable to expect strangers (shop assistants, clients etc) to use my title and surname instead of my first name unless I say otherwise? I just cannot stand the rudeness of being called my first name by a bank worker, just for example, without reason. We are not friends or colleagues, there is no need. It is presumptuous and rude. Is there ever a polite way of asking someone not to? I rarely dare say anything especially to clients and yet I really don’t like it. Do others think this is fine?

I don't think it matters if other people have different preferences or this all went out with the Ark or whatever - banks and doctors and so on should try to address people with the level of formality that they are happiest with. We have a perfectly good set of conventions for determining that: you use the title and first name and if the person wants to be more familiar, they invite you to use their first name. If they want to push it slightly, they can ask to use your first name. I really think these small courtesies are not a lot to ask for, particularly if it is someone older, particularly in a healthcare setting: I used to cringe when consultants who would have choked if you'd used their first name addressed my wee granny by her first name, and a nickname at that. I think at the very least, if you're not going to let the patient determine the formality of address, you should be consistent and be as formal with them as they expect them to be to you.

I think it's probably company policy rather than people being rude. It's supposed to establish rapport, etc. If you don't like it just correct them ie 'My name is Ms/Dr/Lord/Lady Cloudyyy'.
Like a PP, I always bristle when I'm called 'Mrs' WonderWomansSpin. It smacks of paternalism and patriarchy but I realise that is my title on some paperwork so can't complain.

How the hell does someone think their first name being used is rude? Can you explain what would happen if you can't stop this and you get called your first name more and more? Like, how far off is civil war?

I hate being called Mrs Mike. I am Ms Mike.

I'll admit to thinking this was a lighthearted/ joke post when I first read it. I can't remember the last time anyone addressed me by Mrs Lemons and I think it's manners to use people's names. I think the sound of it and your view point belongs in another era.. as long as manners are used I think it's fine. I do appreciate that it's each time their own, so I'm finding this quite interesting (almost 50)

@ltk I'm not offended by it, just makes me feel weird 🤷‍♀️ I'd rather just give everyone my first name

In Germany we got away with the idea of Miss decades ago, i still remember my then ancient teacher insisting on it but otherwise the German form of Mrs is accepted as fitting for all women, married/partnership or not

German speakers need to be careful in literally translating that though. Frau doesn't feel the slightest bit as though it implies that the woman is married, while Mrs most certainly does.

Mrs makes me cringe when spoken, much prefer my first name

I prefer people using my first name, too.

Title sounds quite grand, Are you a dr or similar?
I would Address the consultants at work with dr whatsherface etc but everyone else we are on first names patients call us by them jr drs and us them. I call kids teacher Mrs teacher as I don’t actually know her first name. School calls me my first name as I’ve had kids going there for years (have 4)
It doesn’t bother me at all. Even my gp calls me my name, not mrs thingy. I’m pretty easy going, so it’s not something I would get uptight about but we are all different I suppose.

"German speakers need to be careful in literally translating that though. Frau doesn't feel the slightest bit as though it implies that the woman is married, while Mrs most certainly does."

Using it for all women would alter that though. Isn't that the point?

I don't mind being called by my first name in a service context. I do, however, mind it when people deliberately forget my title and surname - when in laws refer to me as "Mrs DH Lastname" instead of as "Dr Mysurname" it boils my piss precisely because they do it deliberately. They also refuse to call DH 'Professor'.

Can you explain what would happen if you can't stop this and you get called your first name more and more? Like, how far off is civil war

Pretty far off, as it's probably mostly elderly people and people who have a reason to want some sort of obvious recognition of their adulthood and right to respect - people who feel vulnerable for some reason, like perhaps a hospital admission or something like that.

@verticality they refuse to call you Dr and Professor because expecting family to use those titles is pretentious as fuck.

@headinhands. In bygone days, first names was only used by people you were familiar with. Ie. Family and friends. Anyone else, you addressed with their title plus surname.

Thinking back to when I was young (now in my fifties), for example, guide leaders, were referred to as Mrs X and even now, when talking about her, I still refer to her as Mrs ‘S’. To call her Meghan would have been over familiar. Even friends parents you always called by their title until you got to know them. By allowing someone to call you by their first name, you have permitted then to be within your personal friendship group. The permission is often implied, rather than formally given.

"they refuse to call you Dr and Professor because expecting family to use those titles is pretentious as fuck."

I didn't mean verbally!! I meant on envelopes etc. They will deliberately write "Mrs".

When we moved here from Europe a couple of years ago, it really surprised me how prevalent first name use is.
I couldn't care less what people call me, in fact, I quite like being called Love, Sweetheart etc.
My surname (DH's) is foreign so I understand it can be tricky to pronounce and people prefer to use my first name.

@verticality do you really expect them to write "Prof. Vertical & Dr. Vertical"?

Do you use the letters after your name when you sign off letters, too?

I think it’s a generational thing. I would hate Mrs x all the time.

Using it for all women would alter that though. Isn't that the point?

German speakers still need to be careful in translating it. As a native English speaker who speaks German as a second language, there are a ton of things I would like to change about German to make it simpler and more logical, but as a non native speaker you have to use the language the way the locals use it.

"do you really expect them to write "Prof. Vertical & Dr. Vertical"?"

I don't mind if they just use my name "verticality"

I do mind when they deliberately get it wrong. I kept my surname for a good reason. I am "Dr Verticality" not "Mrs DHschattel". It is rude.

If anyone calls me Mrs Janeway, I automatically think they mean my Mum.

Personally I think your attitude is about 30 years out of date.

AmIThough that's exactly what I was thinking
Verticality I wonder if you're related to my friend. His aunt threw a massive strop about envelopes being addressed incorrectly because they didn't include 'title's and different surnames. It was very odd that she didn't realise it was quicker and easier to write Mr & Mrs Smith rather than Dr Verticality & Professor Smith.

"German speakers still need to be careful in translating it."

Oh yes, absolutely, in the current context. I think the poster was suggesting that we should follow the German example and just have one word for all women, married or not, though? Which would actually change the meaning!

Hmm. I work in academia. It is customary when writing to a prof for the first time "Dear John (if I may)". Occasionally about once every three years somebody objects. Oh and upon promotion it's usually rather lovely to call a colleague Professor Bliggs a few times.

Generally I am happy with first names terms providing it is a mutual thing. My old bank used to call me Mrs Roses, my new bank is first name and I'm just grateful they are open every day, often until 7pm.

I don't like the overfamiliarity of the sales call. "Hey there OhThe are you having a ?×good day" but I don't have to engage with it and usually respond with "I'm awfully sorry but I don't think I know you, would you mind telling me where you got my number".

I use the first name of most professional people I come across and they use mine. That goes also for my hairdresser, painter, gardener, etc.

What I will not countenance is another professional, always a Dr using my first name and introducing themselves by title. No I will not have that and always correct it. Similarly if the nurse refers to that Dr by their title, the nurse may not refer to me by first name as it implies I am subordinate to the Dr. It is an equality issue and one used to subordinate the patient. Even worse is when one sits in the waiting room and all the men ade called as Mr Brown and Mr Smith but the women are called as Jane Smith or Mary Jones. I see no reason for men to be afforded more courtesy than women and would have no issue if the men were called without a title. One has to wonded why this should be so when the nhs is supposedly so hot on equality and diversity. Neither do I answer to Love or Darlin both commonly used by nursing staff in hospitals near me. My children of course call me mum - hcps may not. It is reductive.

I am happy to have my first name used by any individual who allows me and their less senior colleagues to use theirs. Any human who expects me to address them with a title may use mine. "Hello OhThe, I am Mr Gascoign" "I am very pleased to meet you Mr Gascoign, I am Mrs Roses" "Oh, err, you can call me Paul" all well and good but the relationship was already blown by the assumption that I was a subordinate stakeholder in relation to me care. It is a very out of date attitude and extremely patriarchal.

I get called Mrs Groovee at work, so it doesn't make me feel as old when people use my name.