To not want to give more

[SummerTime12345]

So a friend is getting married very soon. They have asked for money for their honeymoon - which obviously doesn't bother me if that's what they want!
I just don't know what to give. We have only met this year but have become very close and see each other a couple of times a week. I'm going to the full wedding day and I went on the hen do. But I don't know what to give!
Help!

I hope it gave you the kick you were after.

I don’t know about a “kick” but she must have full-on motion sickness from the subsequent attempts at backpedalling.

A £20 gift in a lovely card given with thought would mean far more to me than £1000 gifted because that was the sum dictated on the hierarchy spreadsheet.

OP, give what you can afford. The couple will no doubt be delighted and thankful.

I am not sure that the amount people give always correlates with wealth. Of course, those in poverty can't afford to give much. But there are plenty of people with big houses, big cars, and a lavish lifestyle who are tight as fuck. The most generous people I know are, on the whole, not those who are actually asset- and money-rich.

Basically, if you own a £500,000 house and drive a Land Rover but you can only 'afford' to give £20, that's not poverty. It's selfish tightness.

I would probably give £20 if just an evening guest and £30 for the full day.

We tend to give £50 as a couple.

£50 for a full-day event. £25 for an evening.

I don't buy into the 'having to cover what the meal cost' when I've normally had to pay to travel, stay in a hotel, buy drinks all day and in some case use a day's annual leave.

However, if I couldn't really afford it, I'd give what I could - and I wouldn't be offended myself by receiving £20 with a nice note.

At the end of the day, you don't invite people to your wedding looking to recoup your costs. You invite them because those are the people you want to spend your day with.

I’m Scottish born and raised and my entire family do this, thus I was brought up thinking this was normal and not American.

@ScotsinOz So am I, but I don't see what that's got to do with anything at all. I come from a 'naice' area, very middle class and all that nonsense and no one I know does this. Because your family does it doesn't mean that every other Scottish family does it.

Mentioning the amount you give when the OP has already said that she can only really afford £20 probably makes her feel crap.

OP, give what you can afford and enjoy the wedding. We invited the people to our wedding that we wanted there, we would never have expected them to work out how much it cost us (they were our guests) or leave themselves short. Hope you have a lovely day.

I got married in New York and before we left a colleague gave me a $100 bill in a card, and I promptly burst into tears I was so shocked and touched. It's absolutely not normal to give more than £10/£20 to a colleague or new-ish friend.

If you can stretch to £50 then that's great but don't feel bad about giving what you can afford. Your friend wants to see YOU there, not your wallet.

A grand .. give over .
Like anyone would do that unless you’re the parent .
£20-£50 is fine , it really is the thought that counts and it all adds up

I would give £30
I’m shocked at people giving £100’s 😲

Just give what you think you can afford, not everyone can afford to give huge amounts and I’m sure the bride and groom know this and will appreciate any cash gift.

I often got invited to family weddings as plus one for my mother who was too frail to go on her own but loved a good do. We would usually give £100 between us. I think £50 + would be fine.

£200, £300, £1,000 Aside from parents of the bride/groom, I've never heard of such gifts!
I think the gift depends largely on your own financial circumstances (also of course how close you are with the wedding couple). I've never heard of 'paying back' your place at the wedding - you have no control over what the wedding couple decided to spend on their wedding!
So if you're skint, £20 is perfectly fine (£10 if very skint). If you are comfortable, I would say £50-100, depending on how close you are to the couple.

This thread is hilarious and horrifying at the same time.

I think @CrystalShark nailed it. You give what you can afford and want to give. There's absolutely no need to worry what has been spent on you.

We usually go for £100 for very close friends (or £80 plus a little gift). Most weddings £50 and evening invites £30. £20 will be absolutely fine. Have they booked the honeymoon? Could you give them £20s worth of the local currency so its a bit more thoughtful?

Family - £100+. Close friends - £50. But I haven't attended a wedding for at least 5 years so maybe more now. Even modest weddings seem to cost £50 per head for professional catering as opposed to DIY buffet in a village hall. In our social circles, the unspoken etiquette is to gift something along the lines of what the meal would cost unless you really couldn't afford it.

I would prioritise the wedding gift over a new outfit though. I never understand those who say that they couldn't afford more than £20 on the gift/cash and then obviously spend more on that on new clothes for the event. There's usually a cash bar at weddings too, £20 wouldn't go further than 2 rounds of soft drinks let alone alcohol.

@ScotsinOz

I’m Scottish too and you’re talking pish.

Quite why you decided to do so to a poster who admitted she had very little money to spare is beyond me but it was a touch vulgar. ¯\(ツ)/¯

Anyone with a grain of sense would realise that just because your entire family are apparently rolling in it, doesn’t mean everyone else is.

£20 would buy a toaster or other small kitchen appliance, a perfectly acceptable gift. Wedding lists usually start around £10. Friends went to exotic location for honeymoon, gift list included swimming with dolphins, down to local food items. She has invited you to share a special day, enjoy it. She won't be judging.

£10 or £20 is unbelievably cheap.

£50 is the bare minimum in my option and that's only if going alone. If you're bringing someone with you then £100.

Covering the meal and a bit extra isn't just an American thing. It's done in Ireland too. I don't think it's tacky either.

@Hugsgalore the OP can only afford £20. Presumably, she has been invited because the bride wants her there, rather than what she can get out of her.

If you can afford it, £20 - £30 is fine. Get a nice card to put it in.
If she’s a good friend she should have some awareness of your circumstances and not be expecting any of the stupid amounts mentioned previously.
I’m sure she’d hate to think that her request is causing you stress.

£200-£300 plus a physical present for close family (siblings), £100-£150 for less close family (cousins), £100 for close friends, £50 for distant family or friends.

Never less than £50, even when I'm skint, except maybe if I were only invited to evening (hasn't happened for so long I don't have a policy). I agree with pp, I would prioritise the wedding gift over my own outfit & other wedding spending on me (drinking, hotel etc.).

I agree with prioritising the wedding gift over my own outfit but that is assuming the OP was intending to buy a new outfit and not reuse something suitable she already has.

Seems over here in the UK smaller amounts are the norm!

In Ireland though 100£ per couple is def the norm! 2 of my oldest closest friends weddings this past year I gave 500£ to each of them - they also gave us the same at our wedding another time!!

That said if you really can't afford it get a gift maybe instead - or even explain the situation!

We were just super broke at one mates wedding a while ago - I gave a gift of a really cool love heart neon light and a cocktail kit!

I did say to her - listen I wish we could give more but we are just really struggling at the moment//broke! A good friend will understand & you should feel comfortable enough to be honest!

£20 in a card is fine. £50 if you're a couple/ can afford it/ really close. £100 for close family (again, if you can afford it)

My sibling got 100😂 1000 are you joking?😂
I don't agree with this "cover your plate" thing at all.

OP, you give what you can afford. Get a nice card, write a nice message and that's it. Don't stress over it. And enjoy the wedding. Any amount will be appreciated.