To not want to give more

[SummerTime12345]

So a friend is getting married very soon. They have asked for money for their honeymoon - which obviously doesn't bother me if that's what they want!
I just don't know what to give. We have only met this year but have become very close and see each other a couple of times a week. I'm going to the full wedding day and I went on the hen do. But I don't know what to give!
Help!

For a new friend and a full day invite I'd give around £50.

But only because I can afford that. I could afford more but £50 feels about right.

If I couldn't afford it, and knowing that my friend also knows about my financial circumstances I would give what I could. If she is a good friend she will be happy whatever you give as your value to her is worth more than a few quid in an envelope.

All the people saying that £10 - £20 is cheap or miserly are being pretty insensitive to people who are experiencing money troubles. You give what you can afford, and if they are decent people then they will be grateful.

It's beyond me how people can expect their guests to pay for their wedding. You might as well send them an invoice along with the invitation. Wouldn't want any CFs turning up and not giving you enough money would you.

I’m with @stanski - you cover at least what meal cost plus extra. So less close friend/work colleague £300ish. Close friend/less close extended family (ie - cousin you see once a decade) -£500. Close family member (sibling) -£1000.*

This is ridiculous and to me just smacks of flashing your cash. We are what most people would consider to be "well off". We generally would give £50 as a couple since that's about what we would have spent if we'd bought them a present. DSis got £250 from us. However I think its really tacky to ask for money.

Well we all know that when you mix in the upper social circles that money is king and friendship has to be bought. If you fall short you will be dumped in the blink of an eye, so I can see why some on this thread are adamant only a wad of cash is acceptable. To give anything less would be social suicide. True friendship is built on more than what your bank balance Is. Give what you can afford OP - I’m sure your friend values your friendship more than how many notes you shove in her card.

If you can only give £20, give £20. They should understand. I personally might give about 30 IDK. They shouldn't be critical of what people give, anyway, it's a gift.

Some of the other posters must be very well off .

"How much should I give? My budget could push to £20"

"I give £1000, but it's not a stealth boast"

Ffs!

Maybe 50 if they're some of your closest friends. But really, it has to be down to what you can reasonably afford- they can't and won't expect you to skint yourself out.

@BigChocFrenzy and @purpleolive
“You weren't criticised for being rich,
just for claiming that what rich people give must be the social norms for everyone else too.”

Clearly neither of you read the OP’s post nor my responses. I agreed with another posters method and stated what we did - not suggested she do it. Also, you all seem to have missed (with the exception of one or two) that the £1000 is for a sibling. You will see from my previous posts that I stated this was my normal and not necessarily anyone else’s (but let’s just ignore the obvious).

@Totalwasteofpaper

That's all well and good if you can AFFORD it. Some people cant.

Three of my friends got married in the same year that I was experiencing extreme money worries. To give you some perspective of how bad things were, I needed to borrow money off my parents to pay a £20 dental fee.

I bought them all a wedding gift, ranging in price from £7 - £18. That is all I could afford, and on a couple of occasions it meant that I went without things for myself in the following weeks.

I gather that it's generally expected in Ireland (and possibly elsewhere) to 'cover your plate', I.e. enough to pay for your meal(s) but I don't think it's ever been expected in the U.K. Just attending a wedding can be quite expensive anyway. In your circs OP I'd have thought £20 or £25 would be enough - you shouldn't feel obliged to pay more than you can comfortably afford.

I think £30-50 is fine.

To the PP who said £300 no way could I afford that for every wedding plus all the travel, hotels etc.

And they were all extremely grateful. The ornament I bought 1 couple still sits in pride of place on their mantel piece four years later.

If I go to an all day wedding and am very close I give £50, if I go all day and don't them too well I give £25/giftcard and if I go evening only I put in £20

Thanks for your sympathy

Look it’s not about having shallow friends or being a total arsehole it’s convention...

I’m Irish that’s just how we do it at weddings... frankly I have to budget for it...

We received 20 to 50 quid in travel vouchers from most guests i think nine years ago, i didn't even look to see who didn't donate so really wouldn't mind at all if people didn't. We just genuinely didn't want 'stuff' we already had (we were older and combining two houses anyway). We didn't get away until our first anniversary when we'd saved up the balance but it was an experience of a lifetime that we'll always be grateful to our friends and family for helping with.

scotsinoz but your statement of what you pay out was and is totally irrelevant to what the poster is asking. Your confirmation of what you give was following op saying she could only afford about £20, so I can’t see how you jumping in with the amounts you did were helpful to the OP? Just probably made her feel like shit.

That's a tacky and very American way of doing things. Not the norm in the UK at all.

This again?! No, it is not an 'American' way of doing things, more American-bashing MN bollocks. Americans usually go wedding registries, not expect guests to pay for costs of hosting them (and they don't tier guests into 'day' and 'evening').

The largest cash gift we received for our wedding day was £50.

The idea that cash gifts for friends of hundreds of pounds is normal for everyone is ridiculous.

I would say that if you are in the sort of circles where these sorts of figures are normal, you already know that and you wouldn't be posting this thread

These days I tend to give between £50 and £100, depending on how close we are and how much I happen to have spare that month. When I was younger and my partner was a student, we would give less. And for my very best friend, who got married when my partner couldn't find work and I was taking care of our 2 kids, one very ill, I paid for some beauty treatments and got the couple a bottle of prosecco. It always depends on my circumstances at the time.

I'm getting married next year. Gifts are a nice thought but really not necessary. I've been waiting 12 years to marry my partner now, I just want our day.

I’m with @stanski - you cover at least what meal cost plus extra. So less close friend/work colleague £300ish. Close friend/less close extended family (ie - cousin you see once a decade) -£500. Close family member (sibling) -£1000.*

Aye, right. On ye go, hen.

@Totalwasteofpaper so if you genuinely didn't have the money you wouldn't attend? If the roles were reversed you wouldn't want guests, supposed family or friends to attend if they couldn't meet your minimum "conventional" expectations? Come up, stop hiding behind convention, I don't care where you're from look at the big picture, what really matters here?

£1000?? Even for a sibling that's... just... insane.

In your position OP i would say £20 in a card is fine. I really didn't count the value of what everyone had given us at our wedding.

@ScotsinOz how was your normal in anyway helpful when the op had already disclosed she could afford £20? Do you really think you were being helpful? No, you were being a snob trying to belittle her by presenting your "norm" which you knew was in no way her reality. Please don't pretend it was anything else, I hope it gave you the kick you were after.