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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should pay 1/3?

744 replies

stickeritup · 01/10/2019 19:37

Travelling with my cousin and his wife to another cousin’s wedding in a different part of the country. They have one child, who’s also coming. I don’t have any.

We’re hiring a car because neither of us has a big enough one. The cost is £120. I assumed we’d pay £40 each for the three adults. Cousin has text saying ‘so that’s £60 each’, meaning £60 for me and £60 between him and his wife.

I don’t think this is right. AIBU? I know it’s only £20 but it happens all the time when some couples assume that they count as ‘one’.

OP posts:
katkit · 01/10/2019 22:02

A third each. They aren't one person, just because they wuv each other.

Seeingadistance · 01/10/2019 22:03

@stickeritup

OP, please, I have to know! Which country are you in the South West of?

Original poster
stickeritup · 01/10/2019 22:03

Presumably they can fit their luggage in their own car, it's just that you can't fit in their car to get a lift? They aren't giving me a lift any more than I'm giving them a lift. Three of us are equally hiring a car and equally sharing out the driving.

That would be even more true if one of them is going to drive back so you can drink at the wedding We definitely won't be driving straight back after the wedding. We'll share the driving back too.

OP posts:
TidyDancer · 01/10/2019 22:06

@couldntcareless has the perfect response to this.

The only way I would consider 50/50 to be anywhere near fair would be if your cousin or his wife were doing all the driving. Since they're not, the 50/50 is unfair. The three way split is better, their DC goes free.

pumkinspicetime · 01/10/2019 22:06

But if you both rented a car op they wouldn't rent 2/3 rds of one and you a 1/3rd you would both rent one each.
Honestly it probably hasn't occurred to your cousin you are thinking this, it wouldn't cross my mind. Try talking to him about it.

ConcreteUnderpants · 01/10/2019 22:07

50/50 I reckon. Both families are getting the same benefit from the car.

livefornaps · 01/10/2019 22:08

Just imagine all the coffee stops they'll be wanting you to foot the bill for - and probably change shitty nappies to boot.

I would not be getting involved in this

KatherineJaneway · 01/10/2019 22:11

Sounds like an entitled people who count themselves as 'one' even though they are a couple.

ConcreteUnderpants · 01/10/2019 22:13

They could've squeezed all their stuff in their own car if you weren't going, leaving you to pay your own travel costs.
So they are only having to hire the car for you. I think 50/50 is more than far.

SecretMillionaire · 01/10/2019 22:13

I'd be making my own way there either driving or by plane. There would be no way I would agree to being sat in a car for hours with a small child who might be sick, grumpy or need continuous entertainment for the duration irrespective of how the costs were split.

AhNowTed · 01/10/2019 22:19

@ConcreteUnderpants

It's not two families though is it, it's one family and a single person.

@stickeritup

I also mentioned the "rounds" scenario earlier. I know their exact type.

*1/3 of the rent, and 1/3 of the petrol is fair.
*
They'll be carrying 3 times the luggage so adding far more to weight and therefore the fuel.

Stick to your guns.

VaggieMight · 01/10/2019 22:23

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at poster's request.

MutedUser · 01/10/2019 22:24

My sister is like this before I had children I went away for a week with her and her two kids. They wanted me to pay half of the grocery’s for the week even though it included nappies and baby milk. Never mind there was 4 of them and 1 of me. Also expected restaurant bills to be split 50/50 too .

morrisseysquif · 01/10/2019 22:27

Do not travel with a child not your own. Make your own way - you will be singing ten green bottles and Old McDonald all the way otherwise.

Oh and yes, 1/3 of costs. Take the fact they are married out of it -three adults, three incomes, split 3 ways. The ones that say 5/50 are grabby too.

Original poster
stickeritup · 01/10/2019 22:31

OP, please, I have to know! Which country are you in the South West of? Wales Grin No, England. Sorry, I should've made that clear.

A few years ago I did drive from John O'Groat's to Land's End. It took 5 days because we stopped off at the most beautiful places. I was thinking of stopping at the Lake District and Loch Lomond. Cousin was very enthusiastic about his family doing that too, and I get on with him and have a good laugh so I thought it would be fun. I didn't realise travelling with a toddler would be so horrendous.

But if you both rented a car op they wouldn't rent 2/3 rds of one and you a 1/3rd you would both rent one each. But if I was going alone I wouldn't be renting a car at all.

So they are only having to hire the car for you. Why is it this way round? Why is it not that I am only having to hire a car for them?

OP posts:
runoutofnamechanges · 01/10/2019 22:31

Presumably they can fit their luggage in their own car, it's just that you can't fit in their car to get a lift? They aren't giving me a lift any more than I'm giving them a lift. Three of us are equally hiring a car and equally sharing out the driving.

Maybe not but if they had a car that everyone could fit in and gave you a lift, it would be fair for you to pay half of the petrol costs as otherwise you would would be making a profit out of their generosity. They would be paying for the privilege of helping you. It would be fair to split it equally wouldn't it? If it were the other way round, would you really expect them to pay 2/3rd of your petrol costs if you were the one with big car? You would be getting a massive saving for the small favour of using your car on a journey you were making anyway. When it comes to petrol, it certainly seems fairest to share that equally.

The cost of the hire car is trickier. It kind of depends whether they would have to hire one anyway. If they could use their car (which you are not sure about), then 50:50 is fair. If they definitely had to hire it anyway, then if I were in your shoes, I would would offer 1/3rd but if I were them, I would ask you to split the petrol but pay for the hire car myself!

SirVixofVixHall · 01/10/2019 22:32

Yes, the weight of all of them and their stuff will be costing more in fuel.
I agree each adult should pay the same.
But even more than that I agree that you are insane to even consider it. Any journey over an hour is ghastly with very small children. You will have to stop far more frequently, as depending on this baby’s age, it will either need feeds and nappy changes, or loo stops , leg stretches, and food.
We drove from London to Wales when my dd was a baby and it took literally hours longer than it would have done with just adults. That is before you factor in the crying, the possible car sickness etc on a journey like yours. It will be hellish. Save yourself OP, and get a lovely train, alone with a fat novel.

Spermysextowel · 01/10/2019 22:33

I think your original plan - leisurely drive with a couple of overnight stops - was good.

Before petrol the other version will cost you £40 at best & you’ll be tied to when/where your brother wants to stop/stay. And you’ll have to travel with their baby. Just go on your own.

HaudYerWheeshtYaWeeBellend · 01/10/2019 22:36

If they were getting a bus, train or flight it would be per person, I would take this stance.

NotGoingToFall · 01/10/2019 22:37

1/3 absolutely.

Andylion · 01/10/2019 22:39

1/3.

NotGoingToFall · 01/10/2019 22:39

I'd reply and ask - oh, isn't your wife coming? 🤔

Mammylamb · 01/10/2019 22:41

I think 1/3 is fairest

runoutofnamechanges · 01/10/2019 22:42

Yes, the weight of all of them and their stuff will be costing more in fuel.

Not necessarily, if the OP has a 2 seater sports car (unless her 2 seater is a Smart car) and they have a tiny hatchback, her petrol costs would most likely be significantly higher than theirs, even with extra weight.

Original poster
stickeritup · 01/10/2019 22:43

When it comes to petrol, it certainly seems fairest to share that equally. If someone gives a lift to two unrelated friends, should they only ask those two friends for 25% each for petrol, or 33% each? If the latter, why is it different if they're married?

It kind of depends whether they would have to hire one anyway. If they could use their car (which you are not sure about), then 50:50 is fair. I could have used my car too though. Hiring a car is saving us all petrol money and the chore of driving, not just me.

OP posts: