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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should pay 1/3?

744 replies

stickeritup · 01/10/2019 19:37

Travelling with my cousin and his wife to another cousin’s wedding in a different part of the country. They have one child, who’s also coming. I don’t have any.

We’re hiring a car because neither of us has a big enough one. The cost is £120. I assumed we’d pay £40 each for the three adults. Cousin has text saying ‘so that’s £60 each’, meaning £60 for me and £60 between him and his wife.

I don’t think this is right. AIBU? I know it’s only £20 but it happens all the time when some couples assume that they count as ‘one’.

OP posts:
Original poster
stickeritup · 01/10/2019 21:41

Watch out, I bet they are the type of couple that take a joint turn in buying rounds so you'll end up buying 2 drinks for every one they buy you. I literally had this typed out in the OP but deleted it! They very much do do this. I don't drink in rounds with them any more. I had a meal with them once when the bill came to £60. DC said he'd put it on his card then we'd sort out the cash. He paid and I gave him £20. He said, seemingly genuinely thinking he was being generous, 'that's enough, Sticker, don't worry about the rest'. I did point out on that occasion that I'd given him exactly what I owed him. I genuinely think he believes that them as a couple should be treated as a single entity.

If they had three kids with them I wouldn’t expect to pay 1/6 of the price. Neither would I, just as I don't expect to pay a quarter on this occasion.

To answer a couple of questions - my car is a two seater and theirs is a small four seater. I don't know if they could fit in with their luggage and baby's things if I wasn't going. Maybe they would just be able to squeeze it all in but it would be tight. It's one of those cars that has a tiny little boot.

We decided to drive for a number of reasons. We got our invitations and we're discussing the difficulties of getting there, because we live rurally at the opposite side of the country to the rural wedding location, so it's a pain in itself to get to the train station or airport. I said I was considering just driving and stopping twice on the way at scenic places to break it up. DC said this was a lovely idea, he'd love to do that too, why didn't we invite other people who we know who live near where I had mentioned to meet us, so we did. Then DC mentioned he wasn't too sure about the size of the car, and someone said why not hire one for the four of you.

I had visions of it being quite a fun journey, but reading these maybe not.

OP posts:
DanielRicciardosSmile · 01/10/2019 21:42

South West England is definitely more than 9 hours away from Inverness

Actually no, it's pretty much exactly 9 hours (excluding stops of course)

To think I should pay 1/3?
DisgruntledGuineaPig · 01/10/2019 21:44

Actually another variable - who's idea was it to travel together, and then to hire a car when it was clear your cousin couldn't fit you in his car with his family (as 'travelling together' never meant in your car, as you only have a 2 seater, but technically without a lot of luggage, you could fit in cousin's car).

There must have been someone who suggested this.

DanielRicciardosSmile · 01/10/2019 21:44

I'd still fly though.

GabsAlot · 01/10/2019 21:44

The south west to scotland? it will take forever -with a kid they'll have to stop more than twice

CottonSock · 01/10/2019 21:44

I wouldn't ever pay willingly to travel so far with a small child! Go on your own

LucieFurr · 01/10/2019 21:45

50:50 is fair

nzborn · 01/10/2019 21:45

I like they way leghairdon'tcare put it ie a third each

kateluvscats · 01/10/2019 21:45

Third each

GabsAlot · 01/10/2019 21:46

And they sound like cfs-why would you pay half of the meal youre all eating

couldntcareless · 01/10/2019 21:46

I would send a text saying, "just wondering how come it's £60 now? Has the price gone up? Thought it was £40 split between the three of us?x"

pottypotamus · 01/10/2019 21:47

I agree OP, I would expect 1/3 split.

DisgruntledGuineaPig · 01/10/2019 21:48

Ah cross posted.

So, your cousin would hire a car anyway if you weren't going along. And you were happy to go solo.

I would say if it's still cancelable, that thinking about it, you want to take your own car after all as you want to have the freedom when there/on the way back to drive about.

I bet this them wanting to drive a bigger/more powerful car for the long journey and would like a hire car anyway.

This will be hideous, don't do it!

KarmaStar · 01/10/2019 21:49

I agree with you op.because of your cousins dw and dc you need a bigger car so it's a third.
But the you might be better driving yourself....😃🌺

Seeingadistance · 01/10/2019 21:50

Is south West Scotland a 9hr drive from Inverness?

If you drive slowly and have lots of stops, I suppose you could take as long as 9 hours if you wanted to.

I’ve known people to drive Glasgow to London in 7 hours. Overnight and with no stops, though, as family emergency not a leisurely journey.

Friolero · 01/10/2019 21:53

A third sounds fair to me, why should they pay the same as you when there's three of them and one of you!

Butchyrestingface · 01/10/2019 21:54

Is south West Scotland a 9hr drive from Inverness?

Glasgow to John O’Groats took me and my colleague about 7 hours. And whilst we did stop for breaks, she also drives like a 🦇 outta hell. **

AnotherEmma · 01/10/2019 21:54

How old's the child?
What about buying or hiring a roof box in order to travel in their car?

Mum2jenny · 01/10/2019 21:55

I’d definitely prefer to drive my own car and be totally independent once I’d arrived in Scotland. Travelling with a young child can be really tedious, especially if you land up in the backseat with them.

RumpoleoftheBaileys · 01/10/2019 21:56

YANBU at all!

Pay no more than 1/3 or drive up alone.

EggysMom · 01/10/2019 21:56

Actually no, it's pretty much exactly 9 hours (excluding stops of course)

It might be if you set off at 9pm and drive through the night - which Google has presumed on your behalf.

If you change the departure time to around 8am tomorrow and drive in the daytime, you'll find it can vary in length to over 12 hours. And that's without the inevitable holdups on the M6.

whatashitshow1 · 01/10/2019 21:56

I would say half per family so 50:50

AnotherEmma · 01/10/2019 21:57

We recently did a long car journey with our toddler and a family member. It was in our car so no hire costs. Didn't even occur to us to ask for petrol money (we would have made the journey anyway). We took it in turns to sit in the back with the toddler although family member spent a bit more time in the back (he didn't drive but did get a turn in the passenger seat).

runoutofnamechanges · 01/10/2019 22:00

Normally I would say split it 3 ways but I think 50:50 might be fairer now you've said this:
Mine is a two seater, DC’s is a small 4 seater but with our luggage and baby’s things it’s not big enough. We’re going from the South West to the Highlands so we thought we’d share the driving & petrol costs.

Presumably they can fit their luggage in their own car, it's just that you can't fit in their car to get a lift? By hiring a car, you half your petrol costs, as do they but equally you both have to pay for the costs of the hire car. If overall you are saving money by going in one car, the saving should be shared equally as the arrangement is mutually beneficial to both parties.

If it is more expensive to travel together, it still seems fairer to half the extra cost if all parties prefer to travel together so you don't have to all the driving because you are getting more benefit from that arrangement than they are (they could still share the driving between themselves if you weren't there) and they would be financially better off not giving you a lift. That would be even more true if one of them is going to drive back so you can drink at the wedding.

If you are only sharing the car with them as a favour to reduce their costs because they need to hire a car anyway because they can't fit all their stuff in one car, then it is fair to split 3 ways.

fedup21 · 01/10/2019 22:02

I had a meal with them once when the bill came to £60. DC said he'd put it on his card then we'd sort out the cash. He paid and I gave him £20. He said, seemingly genuinely thinking he was being generous, 'that's enough, Sticker, don't worry about the rest'. I did point out on that occasion that I'd given him exactly what I owed him. I genuinely think he believes that them as a couple should be treated as a single entity.

Knowing this, I wouldn’t have arranged any sort of joint travel with him and if I did, I wouldn’t have been surprised that he expects you to pay half of car hire, petrol, food and drinks!

Are you surprised?