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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should pay 1/3?

744 replies

stickeritup · 01/10/2019 19:37

Travelling with my cousin and his wife to another cousin’s wedding in a different part of the country. They have one child, who’s also coming. I don’t have any.

We’re hiring a car because neither of us has a big enough one. The cost is £120. I assumed we’d pay £40 each for the three adults. Cousin has text saying ‘so that’s £60 each’, meaning £60 for me and £60 between him and his wife.

I don’t think this is right. AIBU? I know it’s only £20 but it happens all the time when some couples assume that they count as ‘one’.

OP posts:
category12 · 03/10/2019 12:53

Wow, couple privilege in action - two incomes vs your one, intending to take up at least 3/4 of the car-space, and expecting you to pay half for the dubious honour.

Grambler · 03/10/2019 12:54

You've made the right decision.

He should have paid you to be in the car with his baby for 9 hours Grin

Hooferdoofer37 · 03/10/2019 12:59

Petrol for just you in a 2 seater should be less than the figure he's quoting, as surely that's for a bigger car.

You'll probably end up paying less overall, plus have the freedom to leave/stop when you like, plus not have to entertain a toddler by going on your own.

There are no downsides, how can he not see that?!?

OnTheEdgeOfTheNight · 03/10/2019 13:03

Are you sharing accommodation at the lakes?

SecretMillionaire · 03/10/2019 13:09

You’ve made the right decision.

BertBox · 03/10/2019 13:10

If you're sharing your car with their suitcase, I hope they're paying 50% of your petrol costs...

billy1966 · 03/10/2019 13:19

I couldn't stomach being 9 hours in a car with such mean people. Not to mind a 1 year old.

He is absolutely trying to screw you.

In fact I'd hitch before I would share!

Obviously it's a a third each.

No principle involved.

I just don't allow people to deliberately try and get one over on me.

The couples thing with a single person is so fxxxing mean.

I don't work and the only time I happily sit and let husband do the business at the bar is when we are with other couples.

With single friends I would always buy my round. Like most decent people do.

If I was single I wouldn't bother with people that would try that.

It's never accidental, it's deliberate.

fedup21 · 03/10/2019 13:28

Why are you meeting at the Lakes-are you staying together overnight?

I hope you haven’t paid halves?!

TheNoodlesIncident · 03/10/2019 13:42

Sorry OP but I laughed out loud when you wrote that you were thinking of good conversation during the ordeal journey. That really doesn't happen when you travel with tots. They want to get out of the car seat at some point, wail because you won't let them, then you have to spend the next millennia trying to placate the infant with falsely bright happy chat and toys that make hideous noises, until the next pit stop. Then the kid - understandably - doesn't want to go back into the car seat, and kicks off. Long car journeys are a big ask for tiny children. Massive!

Then you have the return journey to look forward to...

And your cousin is a cheap git as well, expecting you to subsidise their costs. The cheek!

nettie434 · 03/10/2019 14:03

As I thought-he was planning to go halves on the petrol as well!

Me too Fedup21 We can preen ourselves on our mystic powers of prophecy Grin

I also thought that food, parking etc would be split 50:50.

SurfingGiantess · 03/10/2019 14:06

I have a nearly 1 year old and I'd go in my own car without her rather than being in the same car for 9 hours Grin!!!! I'd have to stop every 2 hours or so to feed her or let her out for a bit... She only has 3 hours of naptime during the day... in fact they're probably better off driving through the night with the baby Wink

Anyway 1/3 is only fair. In fact if it was me and my family I would pay for the car and split petrol with you because you didn't actually need a bigger car.

Oldbird69 · 03/10/2019 14:29

So they clearly need a bigger car even without you in it? If they need to put a case in your car then they weren't just hiring one to accommodate you. If I were you I'd put a large suitcase in my boot when he comes at the weekend and say that there isn't room for his and yours, then he'll have to pay 100% of the hire for one they can fit in!

Jaxhog · 03/10/2019 14:40

Someone mentioned baby stops. Lots and lots of baby stops. I'd forgotten that.

GenderfreeJoe · 03/10/2019 14:44

I'd just take my own car.

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 03/10/2019 14:57

0ldbird has it - they actually need a bigger car just for them and their stuff, whether you go with them or not and then were going to stiff you for half the rental and fuel. Not daft are they?

Well done Op for not letting yourself be used to subsidise yet another couple. Your drive up to Scotland will be so much more pleasant than theirs 😉.

Xenia · 03/10/2019 15:05

Glad to hear you are going separately. With those kind of distances I often try to get a cheap flight instead as hanging around an airport for a bit (I live near heathrow) is easler than hours in the car.

Potnoodledoo · 03/10/2019 15:13

@stickeritup just buy your own meals and whatever you domdont get in to rounds.Shock

TheKarateKitty · 03/10/2019 15:35

Not taking into account gas rate of consumption of each car:

£254 going own way each - £187 going together = £67

When you get down to it, that’s really not that much savings. As they are a couple, despite their “as one” unit theory, they share finances and thus savings. £33.50 savings each for them, and that’s a bit more than it should have been because he expected 50/50 petrol share.

67 for OP. But OP would be subject to all that we’ve unanimously agreed is Hell on wheels. Not worth it.

254 petrol + 120 car = 374/3 adults = 124.67 each. 124.67 x 2 = 249.34 their actual cost as a couple. 249.34 - 187 = 62.34 total MORE OP is expected to pay because “50:50.”

For less room, for helping out with the baby.

Lol, he is tight along other things.

seaweedandmarchingbands · 03/10/2019 15:56

I actually agree with your tight cousin. This is two parties splitting the cost of travel. If you go alone, it costs you the full price. If they go alone, it costs them the full price. They are going together either way, though, and it doesn’t cost them more per person so I don’t see why it should cost you less because they have more people.

Treesthemovie · 03/10/2019 16:02

Well done on refusing to go with them OP, your cousin trying to suggest they should pay less because his wife wouldn't be coming if it wasn't for him is particularly ridiculous because you wouldnt have to hire a car at all without her there. Please update us on any more messages etc between you!

MRex · 03/10/2019 16:03

@seaweedandmarchingbands - the car for 4 is a different size than a car for 2 and therefore is more expensive. OP could have just taken her own car, she was sharing to be nice and reduce costs, if the costs are to be higher and the companions are to be CFs then there's no point sharing.

RightYesButNo · 03/10/2019 16:04

I know I’m a dreadful person and he’s still your cousin but I would totally do as PP suggested: find the biggest suitcase you possibly can, one that can be seen from space, put it in your car boot, and then when he comes at the weekend, you can discover, with surprise and sadness, that his case won’t fit, and oh what a shame, they’ll have to take on a car hire anyway for all their stuff.

Honestly, it’s such CFery, not just that they were trying to charge you 50:50 for the car hire AND the petrol, but that the reason they needed the larger car hire in the first place was primarily for all THEIR stuff (cases, baby stuff, etc, as he even said) and he’s either totally oblivious/denial or being a tight arse. Sounds like they should have split the car hire cost four ways: you, cousin, cousin’s wife, and all their luggage Grin

I’m not sure you’ve said, but have they never traveled a distance by car with their child before? It seems like this is constantly going to be a problem for them, of never having enough room, and they’ve just tried to kick the problem down the road with a large car hire this time... partially subsidized by you, of course.

seaweedandmarchingbands · 03/10/2019 16:10

MRex

Then they should probably split the hire of a standard car and petrol 50:50 and the cousin pay the difference of hiring a bigger car.

runoutofnamechanges · 03/10/2019 16:24

I agree that they seem to have a history of cheeky fuckery and it would be a nightmare journey shared with a toddler but...

Now that we have some actual figures:

Journey in 2 cars:
Cost to OP: £254
Cost to CFs: £254

Journey in hire car split 50:50
Cost to OP: £187
Cost to CFs: £187
Everyone saves £67

Journey in hire car split
Cost to OP: £124 saving her £130
Cost to CFs: £249 saving them £5 Hmm

Surely that is also cheeky fuckery for OP to expect to take 97% of the savings made, and reduce her driving time by 50% when they only reduce their driving time by a third? Even though it now seems they can't fit all their stuff in their car, it's only a suitcase and a suit, which will cost the OP nothing in money or inconvenience to take so hardly justification to take all the savings from car sharing for herself.

Actually the fairest way to do it would be to split the savings 50:50 so each party saves £67.50, sharing the benefit from car sharing equally.

runoutofnamechanges · 03/10/2019 16:27

the car for 4 is a different size than a car for 2 and therefore is more expensive

Why do people think that? If it's a 2 seater, it's probably a sports car so it most likely will have double the fuel consumption of a small family hatchback.

@stickeritup What are the 2 cars?

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