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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should pay 1/3?

744 replies

stickeritup · 01/10/2019 19:37

Travelling with my cousin and his wife to another cousin’s wedding in a different part of the country. They have one child, who’s also coming. I don’t have any.

We’re hiring a car because neither of us has a big enough one. The cost is £120. I assumed we’d pay £40 each for the three adults. Cousin has text saying ‘so that’s £60 each’, meaning £60 for me and £60 between him and his wife.

I don’t think this is right. AIBU? I know it’s only £20 but it happens all the time when some couples assume that they count as ‘one’.

OP posts:
slinkysaluki · 03/10/2019 06:55

Actually sorry thought about it its 3 adults so 1/3 each

fedup21 · 03/10/2019 07:35

I imagine that if you squabble they will just hire their own car and so you will have to too.

What are you talking about? Maybe try reading the threadGrin.

Op-has your cousin replied to your message saying you’ll take your own car?

siriusblackthemischieviouscat · 03/10/2019 07:36

I'm surprised that so many think it should be 50/50 and see it from the cousins pov. OP is having to rent a car to give them a lift as much as they are renting one to give her a lift. Except by the sounds of it they needed to hire one anyway due to their being 3 of them to op's one.

Cousin is cf, his wife is only going because its HIS family wedding. Why should you subsidise him taking a plus one? If HIS family wasn't going then you both could go to your cousins wedding in one car.

I'm married and we share money but used to work together so we often socialise with other 'single' people. We are always careful to ensure we pay our individual share even though we are paying together on one card/from same purse.

1/3 of all costs is fair regardless of whether the wife works or not or how much they earn. Next posters will be asking if op earns more than her cousin and expecting her to pay more than 50%.

OnTheEdgeOfTheNight · 03/10/2019 07:50

Are you staying overnight in the lakes? How is that being paid for? Can you cancel? 😂

AmIThough · 03/10/2019 08:03

@Dollymixture22 she definitely is because who else uses the word 'squabble' Grin

BlockedandDeleted · 03/10/2019 08:05

I'm surprised that so many think it should be 50/50 and see it from the cousins pov.

I think these are the people who see couples as "one unit' and people without children or single as subservient to them and their needs as they are clearly less valuable in their eyes.

SaraNade · 03/10/2019 08:19

@Teacher22 READ....THE...FULL....THREAD. Or, at the very least, the OP's posts. The OP has her own car! She is not the one that needs to hire a car, it's the cousin. The OP would be doing the cousin a favour.

spoonyJoe · 03/10/2019 08:28

Don't tell people to look at the bigger picture when you haven't even looked at the bloody smaller picture yourself by reading the thread!

burnoutbabe · 03/10/2019 08:40

I can see the logic of 50/50 split if both sides could have gone in their own car but can't add the other side into their car.
I can't see why a couple and a baby can't fit luggage into a 4 seater car. Stuff could have gone on the back seat surely? It's having the OP that makes it not work. And sane with her car.
So sharing was never going to work really once you both had to pay extra for another car, no money saved (assuming hiring the extra car was more than 50% of the petrol cost)

greenlynx · 03/10/2019 08:42

I hope you’ll change the plan and go on your own. It doesn’t matter how good your relationships with them, how would you pay for hiring and petrol and how cute the baby is - it’s very long journey for one years old. So yes, it will require more stops than usual, the music will be nursery rhymes and all planning will be around child’s routine. It means you might need to start your journey to and back earlier/ later than you anticipated. It’s the only right approach with a small child and even this won’t guarantee a smooth journey.
I would reluctant to do it with my own child.

Maudacious · 03/10/2019 09:47

Yes and its much harder to front up to 2 people when you're on your own and they know that of course. I've been fleeced so many times for being single, you definitely pay a premium. Its not petty to fight it, its the principle and important to send strong messages to people that you're not a walkover.

QueSera · 03/10/2019 09:55

I once joined my DB, his DP and their toddler for a 5-hour drive. Toddler screamed at the top of his lungs solidly for the ENTIRE 5 hours. We tried absolutely everything to calm him the whole way - stories, songs, nursery rhymes, lullabies, toys, books, food etc, no effect. That was an experience. Shock Never again.

thebillmoon · 03/10/2019 10:21

A third EACH - always. When we go to someone's home for a meal and they are single, we take two bottles because there are two of us and only one of them. I t makes no difference that I am driving and am unlikely to drink anything alcoholic. The same should apply to a car.
I suggest you say £40 each would be good. If you accept £60, you will never travel with them again; why would you? I wouldn't. I would consider them rather mean.

TimeForNewStart · 03/10/2019 11:56

I think some people don’t know how to do it so as OPs posts are highlighted a different colour. Makes seeing updates when scrolling through a long thread much easier!

Oldbird69 · 03/10/2019 12:01

I don't know how to highlight op's posts. Can I do it on my phone? TIA

SamSoSer · 03/10/2019 12:11

Take your own car, they take theirs. Petty issue solved.

Original poster
stickeritup · 03/10/2019 12:37

Okay, so the reply came: 'Are you sure? RAC calculates £127 each way in petrol. So it'd be £187 each if we went together, or £254 if we went separately. It's not a small difference. When should I bring the suitcase round to check it fits?'

And I replied:

'Yes, I'm sure. I might stop off and visit X on the way back anyway. You can bring it around at the weekend?'

OP posts:
AmIThough · 03/10/2019 12:39

He STILL wanted to go 50/50 on petrol as well? He's incredible.

CalmdownJanet · 03/10/2019 12:44

He is dividing the petrol on two ad well?? Fuck me this guy is a massive cheeky fucker and I suspect dim too, I think he is so unaware/dim/ thick as shit that the whole "it's unfair I subsidise your family tight arse" has just flown right over his head like a cheap flight to Scotland

Onatreebyariver · 03/10/2019 12:45

Hope he doesn't quiz you too much when he brings the case round @stickeritup

Get your answer ready. That you're ALL only going because of X's wedding - not just his wife. And that if the wife didn't come then you, DC and his baby would all have fitted in their car to drive together. So the ONLY reason you'd have to hire a car at all is BECAUSE the wife is coming. So for her not to pay a % of the hire cost when she is the reason you need to hire a car in the first place is ridiculous.

Make it clear to him that the cost of the hire car is because so many of his family are coming. So they really need to all chip in for the hire car. But anyway, sounds like you've made the wise decision to travel alone. DC needs to understand tho so he doesn't make the same mistake on calculating spliting costs again.

Mephisto · 03/10/2019 12:46

So at least now you now he expected you to go 50/50 on petrol too. What a prick.

fedup21 · 03/10/2019 12:46

As I thought-he was planning to go halves on the petrol as well!

What an arse-I’d have to say something

Saddler · 03/10/2019 12:46

Haha 50/50 on the petrol aswell 😂😂

M3lon · 03/10/2019 12:51

Good call OP - you are making the right decision!

SaraNade · 03/10/2019 12:53

@TimeForNewStart As far I know, Mumsnet automatically has the OP's responses in another colour (green ime). It's still a pain to scroll and scroll and scroll. And scroll. All I do is go Ctrl F and enter the OP's name and it will take you straight to each individual post of theirs. Much quicker than scrolling.

Swipe left for the next trending thread