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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should pay 1/3?

744 replies

stickeritup · 01/10/2019 19:37

Travelling with my cousin and his wife to another cousin’s wedding in a different part of the country. They have one child, who’s also coming. I don’t have any.

We’re hiring a car because neither of us has a big enough one. The cost is £120. I assumed we’d pay £40 each for the three adults. Cousin has text saying ‘so that’s £60 each’, meaning £60 for me and £60 between him and his wife.

I don’t think this is right. AIBU? I know it’s only £20 but it happens all the time when some couples assume that they count as ‘one’.

OP posts:
Mephisto · 02/10/2019 22:24

Because it is a situation where you would go from two cars to one car, not three cars to one car.

So if you had friends who were two housemates and you all hired a car (with you living separately), would you expect the housemates to pay 50% as two housemates or a third each?

Jaxhog · 02/10/2019 22:29

Looks like you've got the best result going on your own. You don't have to subsidize them, or be a part-time childminder!

I have to say, I'm amazed by some of the answers here. A couple is exactly that - 2 people. The idea that my single friends should be subsidizing me and my husband because we are 'a couple', would not go down well! Nor should it. If we're 3 people, we split things 3 ways.

pumkinspicetime · 02/10/2019 22:38

So if you had friends who were two housemates and you all hired a car (with you living separately), would you expect the housemates to pay 50% as two housemates or a third each?

If they would have usually hired one car between them and I was joining them, then yes I would split it with them 50/50. We have halved the usual number of units used, so costs come down 50% for each unit.
If we were eating out I would split three ways, which is what I would do with single family members. Because the same number of units, meals in this case have been used and there are no savings.
In OP's case I would fly.

RainyG · 02/10/2019 22:48

Because it is a situation where you would go from two cars to one car, not three cars to one car.

It's very possible they have gone from three cars to one car, because both adults in the couple may have a car each.

Of course it's unlikely they would each drive their own cars to the wedding and they choose to share one car between the two of them. It's the equivalent of splitting their costs 50/50 per adult, but they share finances so it's one cost to the family even though it is technically a shared cost between two adults.

But when they want to go one further and share a car between three people, they don't actually want to share the costs between three adults. They now want to be recognised as a single unit even though there are two of them. And the single person is expected to pay more.

RainyG · 02/10/2019 23:01

If they would have usually hired one car between them and I was joining them, then yes I would split it with them 50/50. We have halved the usual number of units used, so costs come down 50% for each unit.

So if they were going to rent a car between just the two of them for £120 then they would be paying £60 each, yes?

If you joined in you would be happy paying £60 and them pay £30 each? Really? More fool you!

TheKarateKitty · 02/10/2019 23:33

Good God, the thought of a long road trip cramped up with luggage, baby gear, and a toddler is bad enough. Then back again after socializing at a wedding and everyone is tired and just wants to be home.

I’m glad the OP posted this here so everyone could warn her how bad such a trip can get.

Good that you’re going on your own, at your pace, with control over the music!

As to the original question, I agree with 1/3. Especially as you know they would have asked for a hand with their toddler. Honestly, I wouldn’t have asked for money if someone came along and helped out with my small child. It would already be a mutual favor.
I have in fact done it like another poster stated. My children and I went to a weekend event, a friend came along. I was surprised when she offered half for gas and accommodation. I told her 1/4 as my two and me made up 75% of the group. Less space for her, more stops. She asked if I was sure as I was driving. I said yes, and meant it. She did buy us a meal out, which was nice and we appreciated.

I doubt OP would have had front seat when not driving, with one of the parents in the back.

The only ones risking a falling out “over £20” is the cousin.

pumkinspicetime · 02/10/2019 23:34

I'm not interested in having my savings and some of theirs in this situation. I would also not think it was worth possibly annoying them by trying to do so.
But I do like the different ways of thinking on Mumsnet and will definitely remember that adult splitting regardless is a thing for some.
Glad OP isn't traveling with toddler though.

DazedLion · 02/10/2019 23:43

You should pay half or travel in your own separate cars, if you want to travel together you should go halves on the rental

Blueink · 03/10/2019 00:01

1/3 each for 3 adults is fair, child goes free. 50:50 logic skewed when the households are 3:1

toffeepinklady · 03/10/2019 00:12

Clearly it needs to be split in thirds. They don't have enough room in their car for them both and their child to travel. This is because despite being a couple, they of course take up the space in a car of one person each. And the petrol needed to facilitate the transfer of that number of people and their luggage by car. Number of 'bums on seats' does not change by being in a couple.

In any case, you are essentially getting a less fairer deal than they are in going thirds. I am sure their child is lovely. But your trip will I am sure be noisier with more stops because they are present!

Thirds is very fair from their position. Nip in the bud now or it could extend to petrol, lunch, the list goes on.

Chipmunk29 · 03/10/2019 00:31

So, what was his response? Looking forward to the update :-)

Smelborp · 03/10/2019 00:31

That was 100% the right decision. It sounds like they believe they are a single entity when it comes to costs, so that would extend to drinks, fuel, meals etc. Meanwhile, you’ll be sat with a screaming child.

You’ve had a lucky escape. He’ll try and talk you round at the weekend though, be prepared. I would be quite willing to point out that three people don’t get the costs of one just because they’re a family unit.

As for his partner only coming because its his relative, that applies to his whole family. And if they weren’t ‘tagging along’ then you could go in your car.

poppycity · 03/10/2019 01:12

@stickeritup can you make your own way there?

(Also amazed a post about this has over 500 messages!)

poppycity · 03/10/2019 01:14

@stickeritup - Just found your update! Awesome!

WeLovetoBoogieonaSaturdayNight · 03/10/2019 01:38

@stickeritup 〜
I'm so glad you're getting out of the arrangement.
Besides expecting you to pay for half, they probably were also figuring you in for (free) child minding along the way; and maybe even some solo babysitting, so they can "just get away for a bit".

Your original idea of just going yourself, and stopping where/when you want, sounds lovely.

And please don't agree to any meet-ups, along the way, as you already know he will suggest that any meals together be "halved".

So are we going to have to wait until after the weekend, for an update?
Please throw us a bone in the interim! Grin

NitrousOxide · 03/10/2019 03:16

Ugh. Can’t stand couples like this. Insist they’re a singe unit when paying for things but suddenly remember they’re individuals when it’s time to receive presents.

Glad you’ve decided to go on your own OP. More driving, but probably less stress! We did one long-distance drive when eldest DC was a toddler. Never again Grin.

LadyB49 · 03/10/2019 03:40

Sitting in the back with the toddler would involve entertaining the child for the journey, both ways.

laraitopbanana · 03/10/2019 05:33

Take your own car and apologize as you thought it would be cut in 3.
He might turn around and so ok for 1/3 if you prefere. He might not too 🤷🏼‍♀️

flowery · 03/10/2019 06:18

All three of you are BU and completely insane for even considering travelling that far in a car with a toddler.

Teacher22 · 03/10/2019 06:24

A family is a unit so you should be paying half each unless you have to hire a bigger car to accommodate more passengers.

I imagine that if you squabble they will just hire their own car and so you will have to too.

Always look at the bigger picture and remember that you have to sacrifice a spratt to catch a mackerel.

Butchyrestingface · 03/10/2019 06:29

I imagine that if you squabble they will just hire their own car and so you will have to too.

Always look at the bigger picture and remember that you have to sacrifice a spratt to catch a mackerel.

I was going to ask whether you’d actually read the thread and then I clocked the username.

category12 · 03/10/2019 06:30

Teacher22, She doesn't need to hire a car if she goes on her own. She was only considering hiring a car with the cousin because they were going to travel together.

Fortunately she's decided what she's doing pages ago.

Why do people see a big fat thread like this and still come on to say their bit without checking for updates?

Dollymixture22 · 03/10/2019 06:31

Teacher 22 - nonsense 😊

Family doesn’t count as one adult - unit stuff red herring.

Single people get ripped off enough.

Cousin was being mean.

Baby gets free ride, not wifey.

Dollymixture22 · 03/10/2019 06:32

Let’s hope teacher 22 isn’t actually a teacher.

slinkysaluki · 03/10/2019 06:36

Petty id just pay half