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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think I should pay 1/3?

744 replies

stickeritup · 01/10/2019 19:37

Travelling with my cousin and his wife to another cousin’s wedding in a different part of the country. They have one child, who’s also coming. I don’t have any.

We’re hiring a car because neither of us has a big enough one. The cost is £120. I assumed we’d pay £40 each for the three adults. Cousin has text saying ‘so that’s £60 each’, meaning £60 for me and £60 between him and his wife.

I don’t think this is right. AIBU? I know it’s only £20 but it happens all the time when some couples assume that they count as ‘one’.

OP posts:
SaraNade · 02/10/2019 10:19

@AmIThough How? If there was only one person driving for 9 hours straight, it would be, but 2 or more sharing the driving, it's perfectly reasonable. I don't get the problem.

Upsiedasie · 02/10/2019 10:22

Because two adults were always going to be in one car and sharing the fuel. This wasn't three cars going to one but two cars going to one.

I think it rests on this. Initially, I thought 1/3 but the 50/50 have persuaded me. They were always going to share costs and take one car. You were always going to pay 100%. You say you wouldn’t have to hire if you went alone but you also say they could probably squeeze all their stuff in, so maybe they wouldn’t hire a car either?

Anyway, the bottom line is that you aren’t interested in hearing YABU (and have an answer for everything), Grin so you’re probably doing the right thing by going alone and kindly offering to transport some of their things.

Sounds like you have an otherwise good relationship. It would be a shame to let resentment over money get in the way.

SaraNade · 02/10/2019 10:23

@MsMightyTitanAndHerTroubadours just misery, badly tiled canteens and IgglePiggle on repeat, with your knees round your ears as you are wedged in between the driver's seat, the arm rest and a million and one essential baby accessories.

I was giggling like a loon just reading that, more so actually getting a visual of it in my mind. :D

nettie434 · 02/10/2019 10:24

You're going to spend more on fuel and stops than you would splitting all costs 50:50, surely?

Maybe but the actual cost is not the problem - OP originally planned to take a leisurely drive alone with a bit of sightseeing. The question is whether the unfairness of splitting costs 50:50 would spoil a shared trip.

Think ontheedgeofthenight has nailed it. Some posters think the costs should be split 2 ways. Others think 3 ways but nobody thinks sitting in the back of a hired car with a one year old on a minimum 9 hour trip is a fun way to travel.

Now getting over invested in this!

Just had another thought, if the baby is sick, would the cousin expect the poster be expechire car is a hare mhalves others say a third

OrchidInTheSun · 02/10/2019 10:29

As the OP said in her second post:

If we travelled separately, they’d still need to hire a car to have enough room for their luggage, theirs isn’t big enough.

So their car is not big enough, they would be hiring a car anyway. Somehow, they have nearly managed to persuade the OP and some of the people on this thread that she's getting a good deal by subsidising their car hire GrinGrin

OrchidInTheSun · 02/10/2019 10:30

It was the 4th post, not the second. But very early on in the thread.

Perisoire · 02/10/2019 11:07

I’m just bewildered that someone who sounds so so intelligent and switched on got herself into this! OP, what were you thinking?!

Back out now!

category12 · 02/10/2019 11:17

I’m just bewildered that someone who sounds so so intelligent and switched on got herself into this! OP, what were you thinking?!

Just the innocence of thinking babies are cute. Grin

Drum2018 · 02/10/2019 11:24

I suppose I just had the idea in my head she'd be great on a car journey too

Dear God no, she'll most likely be bored to tears after a while, trying to get out of her seat, she'll be hot and sweaty in her seat, liable to puke on windy roads... Even if cousin comes back and offers to do all the driving, pay for your food and all hire car expenses, pays for your wedding outfit - DON'T do it!! Just think of the pleasant journey you can have with your music playing, away in your own thoughts (while concentrating on the road of course Smile ) if you go by yourself. And I agree with pp, do your pit stops and if they happen to coincide with theirs fair enough, but don't hang around waiting for them en route. You can get to the venue and chill.

mrsk28 · 02/10/2019 11:33

I agree it should be split in 3. If DH and I were sharing a car rental with one other person I wouldn't expect them to pay half. 3 people - 1/3 of the cost each.

Original poster
stickeritup · 02/10/2019 11:43

I’m just bewildered that someone who sounds so so intelligent and switched on got herself into this! OP, what were you thinking?!

Grin I just thought it would be a nice road trip with family. I had an idea of good conversation going up to the Lakes, then a pub dinner and a couple of drinks, then the same in Loch Lomond. I hadn't factored in that the baby might not be as keen on this plan. Hadn't crossed my mind the nursery rhymes would be the music of choice in the car.

Cousin replied this morning: 'DW is only going because it's X's (our family member's) wedding though. I'm not sure - DW & I could probably share one suitcase plus my suit - would that fit in your car? And then we'd only have the baby's things. Would be twice the amount of petrol for us both this way though.'

OP posts:
Damntheman · 02/10/2019 11:46

Twice the amount of petrol, but also 100% fewer therapy bills for you to recover your sanity after 18 hours in a car with a toddler :D

RandomMess · 02/10/2019 12:07

Are you sure you can't fly 😂

category12 · 02/10/2019 12:15

You're all only going because it's the relative's wedding tho? Why is that relevant?

StarryNightWithGrazingDeer · 02/10/2019 12:16

He’s a CF given that response. Drive yourself.

TrumpingtonTowers · 02/10/2019 12:16

If the wife takes that attitude why doesn’t she stay home with the toddler and you and your cousin go in your car and go 50/50?!

TrumpingtonTowers · 02/10/2019 12:17

By attitude I mean she obviously does not want to pay to attend a mere in law’s wedding, but will go anyway.

QueenDaisy · 02/10/2019 12:19

Regardless of whose side of the family the wedding is, you’re all only going because it’s a family wedding. They are CF’s, she doesn’t have to go, her & the baby could stay at home & just you & your cousin go, no need to hire a car then, suggest that to him, bet he won’t like that Smile

QueenDaisy · 02/10/2019 12:23

Everyone else above me posted while I was typing mine out Grin

Perisoire · 02/10/2019 12:25

Just the innocence of thinking babies are cute. grin

😀 And it’s possible the cousin’s baby will be cute on the journey, but it’s not worth the risk and CFery.

I just thought it would be a nice road trip with family. I had an idea of good conversation going up to the Lakes, then a pub dinner and a couple of drinks, then the same in Loch Lomond.

That sounds lovely but you’ll have the stress of ensuring you pay your fair share each time.

'DW is only going because it's X's (our family member's) wedding though

Is he actually saying because it’s not his DW’s family then she shouldn’t have to pay her share? Shock

Teddybear45 · 02/10/2019 12:29

Just say no and say you prefer to drive yourself and end the conversation. You should not be subsidising travel for his family.

Perisoire · 02/10/2019 12:30

And look at the way he’s cowardly avoided saying he wants you to pay £60 not £40 but still implied it. What a CFUNT. Is that a word?

OrchidInTheSun · 02/10/2019 12:34

Like I said yesterday, he is tight. Anyone that tries to split a meal between 3 people two ways because two of them are married is tight.

Tell him you have no room in your car for his shit. And spend a lovely leisurely trip singing and listening to podcasts and enjoying the scenery (the drive to the highlands is stunning)

cancelledtrains · 02/10/2019 12:38

That sounds lovely but you’ll have the stress of ensuring you pay your fair share each time

100%. Some years ago my sister and I took our parents out for dinner. I was single, no kids, she was married, 2 kids so 7 of us in total. In my head I'd presumed I'd pay for 2 meals and she'd pay for 5 but when the bill came she split it. I was too stunned to say anything.

BernadetteRostankowskiWolowitz · 02/10/2019 12:38

DW & I could probably share one suitcase plus my suit - would that fit in your car?

Id jump on this. "Yeah course no probs just drop your case round to mine the day before".

Honestly having the ability to go at your own pace without multiple baby stops etc is so worth the extra petrol.