To think I should pay 1/3?

[stickeritup]

Travelling with my cousin and his wife to another cousin’s wedding in a different part of the country. They have one child, who’s also coming. I don’t have any.

We’re hiring a car because neither of us has a big enough one. The cost is £120. I assumed we’d pay £40 each for the three adults. Cousin has text saying ‘so that’s £60 each’, meaning £60 for me and £60 between him and his wife.

I don’t think this is right. AIBU? I know it’s only £20 but it happens all the time when some couples assume that they count as ‘one’.

But are you prepared to throw away a relationship over £20. Really?

It's because of spineless attitudes like that CFers continually get away with being CFers.

You asked how the costs should be split - some said 50/50, some said 33/33/33.

But everyone on the thread said "do not do this drive with a toddler in the car". That part is unanimous, and this is the thing to take away from the thread.

If you're arranging to meet them on the drive, don't hang around waiting for them to catch up with you (they will have a few unscheduled stops for nappy explosions etc) . Say "I'll be at xxx from 12-1pm for lunch. Once you're on the road let me know if you'll manage it. 😂
It's really kind that you're even considering meeting them on the way- I expect the reality is that you'll enjoy the drive more if you don't plan to see them--but don't hang around indefinitely waiting for them. They'll arrive frazzled and complaining and late, and your break in driving won't be to recharge and relax, it'll be listening to a young child who's understandably fed up.

Is it cheaper than using your own vehicle for the journey? What is the reason you need this bigger car?

I think it is grim to subject a toddler to two 9 hour drives in a short space of time .

And that ‘s without stops, and according to GoogleMaps non real world drive times.

They are being CF though, because they have to hire a car anyway, even if you don’t go, because they can’t fit all their baby stuff in their car.

So they should be happy with a share of petrol and driving. Because for you , the only benefit in the hire car is to share petrol and driving.

Working out fuel costs as well would they split 50/50 as well? Might well work out cheaper for you to drive your own car as I doubt 100% of fuel costs for your little car would be as much as £60 plus 50% fuel in a much bigger car plus the weight of additional luggage plus three people and a toddler!

It's true that it's a very long drive with a 1yo just for a wedding. The only time we've driven that kind of distance with our son was for a week and that's the minimum I would go for to justify it.

Can they really not fly and hire a car when they get there?

Actually it is a lot more bearable with an overnight stop.

You're going to spend more on fuel and stops than you would splitting all costs 50:50, surely?

Ordinarily I'd say for a hire car it'd be by unit so 50/50 and the petrol split in thirds. Buuuuut given this cousin's history of cheeky fuckery no bloody way! WOW they sound annoying.

Good decision to drive yourself OP! I'd rather peel my own skin off with my fingernails than take a 9 hour drive with my OWN toddler let alone someone else's :D Have a lovely solo drive with a good audiobook!

Just realised, you will lose two whole days traveling, the Aeroplane is looking better and better as an option.

Has he responded OP?

I think two cars becoming one makes people think 50/50. But it's not fair -

• the family will take up at least 3/4 of the space in the car,
• their needs will dominate and lengthen the journey time considerably
• and probably the costs, because there will be numerous stops for the baby so everyone is more likely to end up buying stuff along the way.

On the upside, op will have company for the drive.
On the downside, op will have company for the drive 😢 👶 😱.

They need to hire a car more than op does because of their mountain of stuff and the benefits to her are definitely not worth paying 50%.

dying to know if CFCousin has replied yet!

Seriously do not do it, all the romance of Scotland and stopping as you please to take in the views, fresh air, good Scottish breakfast or lunch will just never happen

"aww the baby just went to sleep I don't want to wake her"
"what is that smell...we must stop to change her" in the Gorbals
"we're going to have to stop to feed the baby" as you pass the shittest service station ever, in the world.
"no you cannot charge your phone, the baby needs the ipad to keep her quiet..."

no gazing at the beautiful mountains for you OP...just misery, badly tiled canteens and IgglePiggle on repeat, with your knees round your ears as you are wedged in between the driver's seat, the arm rest and a million and one essential baby accessories.

I'd be wanting to pay a 1/3 not 1/2. They benefit from the larger car more than you do. You must say something otherwise you'll be paying half of everything such as fuel, expensive motorway food.

Regarding long distance travel with the baby, it could be absolutely fine, ours were never any bother and we regularly did very long trips down to southern Spain 24hrs on the ferry and then 11.5 hours drive. 3 month old baby on the first trip. In fact the only time we ever had a problem was driving to Scotland when one of them (age 5) threw up around Carlisle (we live on south coast so it was too far to turn round and head home).

I would be seriously reconsidering going with them, I know it's a very long way and if you go on your own you will need to stop for breaks rather than share the driving but might be worth it if you fear you might be taken for a mug financially.

Go in your own car. Money aside (and they are being CF's) each time one of them is driving, their spouse will be next to them in the front (his DW soounds like the type to say she has to go in the front because she gets travel sick) and you are going to be squashed in the back seat, entertaining the baby, and it will be HELL ON EARTH.

OP: you have a MN thread full of parents of toddlers / former toddlers telling you not to travel with a toddler!

Drive yourself, maybe taking some of their stuff, or spend your petrol money on a flight or train.

Forget the money, save yourself a lot of grief and go alone

Absolutely agree with the majority. Save yourself!

Someone made a really good point- with a year old baby there will be LOTS of pit stops.
Nappy changing, feeding etc

OP, too late to pull out?

YANBU OP. Of a train or coach was taken as an alternative they'd have to pay x3

Forget about the money side of things 100% drive yourself! I've done that journey with a toddler. It will be better for them aswell so they can please themselves as a family. You've got to come back aswell --- no way!!

two whole days traveling Two whole days? How do you come at needing 48 hours to drive 9 hours? If you set out at 7am and get there at 7+ pm in time to go to a pub or somewhere at the place to have dinner, that is 12 hours, 3 hours surplus. I think most people could do 9 hours in one day very easily, even with stops. Family members I know do 17 hours straight, stopping only to change drivers at the petrol stop. No sleeping anywhere. It is easily doable in one day but I certainly would not recommend being enclosed in a car with a baby for 9 hours.

@SaraNade that's pretty dangerous...

I'm so sorry I have RTFT but might have missed this being answered - why don't you fly? It's so much easier and probably the same cost.

Same with an advance fare on the train if you don't mind it still being a fairly long journey - you can nap, get stuck into a box set on your phone / iPad, look at the scenic bits etc. I bloody love a long train journey.

Car with young kid for that long... I love kids but bloody hell not for 9 hours close to my ears with no way out!