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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be annoyed with my partner over his mum's will

303 replies

Cherrypea · 01/10/2019 18:10

My partner and I have been together 10 years and have 3 kids (my daughter, his son and a DD between us) When his dad died a few years ago his mum made a new will naming my partner and his sister as benefactories. I have asked him what would happen to his share of the money if he died before his mum and his answer is it'll probably go to the younger 2 children as we aren't married but if his sister died her share would go to her husband. This makes me so mad, he seems happy for myself and my older daughter to receive nothing and he won't ask his mum about it. My view is she could easily name me and my DD should be treated as her siblings are (although that's another saga) he should respect me enough to ask her about it.....

OP posts:
Witchinaditch · 01/10/2019 20:24

You have no claim over someone else’s money. It’s up to his mum and she’s not even dead yet.

AhNowTed · 01/10/2019 20:26

With your attitude I'd be making damn sure you got nothing.

KTheGrey · 01/10/2019 20:26

What are you expecting from your daughter's father?

WellButterMyArse · 01/10/2019 20:27

Pretty much everything you have written is ridiculous OP.

CampingItUp · 01/10/2019 20:28

YABU.
It is perfectly usual for money to pas down through blood relatives.

Plus he said ‘probably’.

He doesn’t actually know, and therefore probably doesn’t know if SILs would go to BIL. He is making it up.

It isn’t your business to have a view on his Mum’s will and makes you sound grabby.

Tilltheendoftheline · 01/10/2019 20:36

OP your daughter is already 18.

Lets say this all happens in 10/20 years. Exactly what will she need that means she should get an automatic right to your boyfriends mums money. I would understand if you were worries about providing for her. But that's not the case.

BrokenWing · 01/10/2019 20:36

Why would you be annoyed with your partner over his mums will?

Surely its up to his mum, not him, who she puts in her will. He could mention to his mum she could put a clause in to say what happens if one of the beneficiaries dies before she does, but again entirely up to her if she wants to and who she leaves it to in those circumstances. She might prefer to leave as is and rewrite if required.

My mums will is written so if any of her children die our inheritance would go to/or into trust for our children. She preferred that rather than giving to our spouses, dh didn't comment either way other than to say it is nice that ds would get something.

Your oldest dd could inherit from you and her dads families, so doesn't seem particularly unreasonable your younger dd inherit from you and their dads families too. It doesn't suddenly become unreasonable because step granny is loaded.

iknowimcoming · 01/10/2019 20:40

Every single member of my family who has ever been married has been divorced at least once and its not a happy place for me!

I'd say you've got about 2 million reasons to make it a happy place!

Does your dp want to marry you and you've said no perchance?

But to answer the question- yes yabu, your mil can do what she likes with her money and it's not your DH's place to ask her to include you in her will

AloneLonelyLoner · 01/10/2019 20:41

This is so nuts I have to post just to say it.

Hopefully OP has enough self-awareness or intellect to know now that her desire to have money from her DP's Mother is nuts.

Marriage at its very foundation is just a legal contract, giving you at the least, the right of some expectation. That is it. It's a reason (one of) why people still get married. You can't have the benefits and rights of a marriage without being married. Get over yourself and get married.

But...I've a feeling after such conversations your DP will look at you differently. I know I would.

TipToeToothFairy · 01/10/2019 20:47

I don't think the op is coming back.

Money definitely brings out the worst in people. Even when people are married it is unusual to leave money to sil/dil it is normally dc and dgc

user1474894224 · 01/10/2019 20:51

Can I offer an alternative view point (although I actually agree with you all....as step family is different...). Imagine if the OP had come on here and said; "me and Dp have 3 children between us. We live together as a family. He treats all kids as his own (although DD is only mine). Every year when we spend Xmas together DMiL only buys presents for him and two of our children. I mentioned this to him and he said if we were married she might buy for us too. Am I being unreasonable to think she should treat all the kids the same?"
I have seen this post on MN loads of time and the general consensus is always to treat all the kids the same......how is what the OP is asking any different?!?

GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat · 01/10/2019 20:53

how is what the OP is asking any different?!?

There’s about £4million difference!

One is leaving a child out at Christmas, the other is bankrolling the OP for the rest of her life. Surely you can see the difference? You’re not that daft!

Croquembou · 01/10/2019 20:55

I....I have spent literally no time planning my husband's death. And he's been to war twice whilst we've been married. Like, actual war.

Why are you wasting your...

Why are you...

I...

Jesus.

Tilltheendoftheline · 01/10/2019 20:56

I have seen this post on MN loads of time and the general consensus is always to treat all the kids the same......how is what the OP is asking any different?!?

Because the mil is leaving the money to her own children. The dp doesnt know if his mother would give his sisters share to the husband. He said probably.

And inheritance is completely different to buying a toy to your whole life savings.

Besides which if you AS the OP, hee daughter seems to have a daug and alcohol problem as well. I wouldnt leave money to her either.

Dyrne · 01/10/2019 20:56

I’ve just realised OP - why is it that you’re so ardently against marriage?

Surely by far the more likely scenario here is that your MIL passes before your DP, and then he may pass away leaving everything to you/DC.

If you aren’t married you’re going to be absolutely SLAMMED with inheritance tax?

Surely for the sake of £150 and 10 mins of your time, it’s worth nipping down the Register Office to grab as much money as possible secure your childrens’ futures?

user1474894224 · 01/10/2019 20:57

@GeorgieTheGorgeousGoat it's not £4m though is it.... it's a share of......but that's not what I was saying.....it doesn't matter the amount it's the principal....why on the one hand does MN argue all kids should be treated equally (be it Xmas presents, birthday presents, invites to party's and weddings etc....) But on the other hand - like now - say all kids are not equal. Just an observation.....

AnneElliott · 01/10/2019 20:57

Surely mils will provides for this? We have mirror wills which sets out what happens if the person you've nominated predeceases you.

For example, if we all die together, my half of our stuff goes to my brother. Will says if he's died before me it goes to his children. So if a will is properly drafted it will cater for this eventuality and will likely to give your partners share to his children.

StarlingsInSummer · 01/10/2019 20:59

God, you remind me of my brother’s vile widow. She’s been horribly stroppy to my father because she’s found out his will splits his estate between me (surviving child) and my niece (deceased brother’s daughter) rather than to her (she thinks that she, her new bloke and her two older children should also inherit).

Tilltheendoftheline · 01/10/2019 20:59

@user1474894224 ops daughter isnt a kid.

OP is saying she wants her daughter provided for. Her daughter is an adult.

OP actually wants the money. That's a big difference for me.

StarlingsInSummer · 01/10/2019 21:02

And I don’t think inheritances are the same as Christmas presents for step children.

redappleandaquamarinebow1987 · 01/10/2019 21:02

@user1474894224 because while most people are generous enough to buy gifts of equal value it's different once the value is over 1 mil and I fully agree with that stance

user1487194234 · 01/10/2019 21:03

Very unusual for a DIL/SIL to inherit
Very common for Wills to provide that if child predeceases share will pass to their children,but probably not step children
Obviously people can do what they want but generally speaking most people do as I have said

Drabarni · 01/10/2019 21:06

How can you be interested in your mils will, it's nothing to do with you.
I hate grabby people who ask about relatives wills.
I hope she won't talk about or change her mind as it's her money to do as she pleases.
You'd better get a ring on that finger, he's going to be a rich man, lucky him.
Aren't you more worried about not being married than you are your husband dying before he inherits. It's not a shared asset if you ain't got that ring and piece of paper.

BiMum5 · 01/10/2019 21:09

I have a fairly standard will. Everything split between my kids and if God forbid, one of them predeceases me it will go to their children. No mention of spouses/partners/stepkids. If any of my kids partners started angling to be included I would think them very grabby and probably stipulate that they got nothing.

MsSquiz · 01/10/2019 21:14

My PIL's estate currently would be around £12m. If DH died before them, I would not expect to inherit his "share" of their estate in his place.

I would maybe hope they would then change their will so that his "share" would go to our child/children - but would never assume.

It doesn't matter what the estate is worth, you are not automatically entitled to anything from anyone's estate.