to be upset that my child cant read and nobody cares?

[staydazzling]

had a heartbreaking conversation inthe bath earlier with youngest child 6 yrs old. Ive always known that he has significant reading difficulties and have spent 2 years trying to bring up with the teachers he could benefit from help but i get dismissive replies ranging from he'll get there eventually to hes not the most severe in the class. He was telling me he feels self conscious because he can hardly read at all and is embarrassed to tell anyone, children already whisper when he asks other kids to read a word for him , i empathised and said that must be so frustrating for you. and that people in our family have dyslexia hes not alone. he also gets sounds confuses, another symptom of dyslexia. another complaint he had was they just tell him to sound the word out, but he cant because he gets sounds wrong that broke my heart hes being so badly failed. hes on a low book band at least 5 behind where he should be. i know austerity has desimated our education but, it cannot be right to just abandon a child like that can it? its making me quite teary now, AIBU to be annoyed noone seems to care that my son can barely read?

My DD is 6 and the school believe she is dyslexic and dyspraxic. They're putting her through the tests this year. It was picked up early by a teacher who noticed she wasn't performing as they would have expected her to perform and not against the class as a whole. The SENCO strongly believes tjat getting them help early stops them getting bored and frustrated with education. Leave it till the juniors and the lack of confidence has.become embedded. Even if they later show that they were just late bloomers they get the help. I am thankful every day for this attitude. This is not a well off school. This is a normal financially struggling primary. The difference is the pro active attitude of the teaching staff. So no you are not being unreasonable at all!

"Yes itsmecathy they are - and that’s the problem - schools should be better resourced so they can put it in the time all children need to learn to read."

I don't disagree but if op wants help before 2350 she'll need to do a big % of the reading support herself.

"If you pay for a private assessment they will find dyslexic traits because they always do"

Bullshit. Had ds tested because of family history and some difficulties with English. Report came back as no dyslexic traits

The rights and wrongs of the school doing nothing aren't really worth getting worked up over. You just have to accept that they do not focus on children who are quiet / get on with it / etc.

My DS hates writing and had fine motor skills gaps from early on. Fair enough, I thought, Y1 is when they will work on that in earnest.

At the end of Y1 I received his exercise books back from the teacher, he had literally written nothing in them. For a YEAR my child had done NOTHING at school.

I shouldn't say nothing, he could recite the contents of an encyclopedia of animals that he found at the back of the classroom, apparently he read that every day for a year... thanks teacher, brilliant job, yes, sure, let the gifted reader do nothing but read all year, what could go wrong? Of course, she'd said nothing, and left him to it, because he was quiet and if she'd alerted me it would mean she'd have to start holding him to account in class, and that meant more work for her.

He could barely hold the pencil when holidays started, almost every letter backward, it took 2+ hours to write 5 literally unintelligible lines. He hated himself for it and I realized that through the teacher's blithe neglect (for an entire fucking YEAR), both his skill and confidence had been destroyed. The teacher shrugs her shoulders because "other children are struggling more". There was no point getting upset about it. The damage was done.

So what did we do? We wrote, daily, through the hols. For hours because that's how long it would take for him to write 20 words. He cried through it all. Called himself names, total loss of confidence and heartbreaking to hear.

It nearly destroyed our relationship tbh, the pain was unbelievable, but he got himself back to starting-Y2-level writing through 8 weeks of blood, sweat and tears.

Of course, the teacher will never be held to account, because to the school it's "oh look this Y2 child is writing at grade level so nothing to worry about". C'est la vie.

I'd get onto a dyslexia reading program and pretend the school doesn't exist. Schools don't teach, they are social inclusion programs for the most deprived, and that is OK. Just don't mistake their stated mission for their actual mission. Parents have to educate children themselves otherwise the children will leave school with just very basic literacy, nothing more, possibly less. The sooner you accept that, the better for the child unfortunately.

Someone upthread mentioned Barrington stoke books - I second this, interesting and engaging storylines but written with specifically dyslexia in mind, using simple sentence construction, straight forward language and in large font with wide spacing to facilitate tracking.

I've read some more posts on this thread since I posted late last night and a couple of them are breathtakingly ignorant re dyslexia

And yes, I agree with Ruby and others. Sadly school will generally not do enough

"Bullshit. Had ds tested because of family history and some difficulties with English. Report came back as no dyslexic traits."

Good for you. In the last academic year, six parents in my year group had private dyslexia tests done and they were all positive. There are similar numbers most years, all positive. By the time we test them in Y6, about half of them are showing no traits whatsoever. My BIL is also an Ed Psych and knows full well what parents expect when they pay. If you test too early, it's wasted money imo. Obviously other people will have different experiences, but I am just sharing my own. If you like, just assume that they are dyslexic and support accordingly until they are old enough to test accurately.

My son's school wasn't at all supportive; we have had nothing but excuses from them. He is on the sen register but doesn't get a lot of support. In the end I got a private tutor who specialises in SEN who he sees once a week. It's really boosted his confidence and ability to read. It's terrible really that we have had to do that; you hope that all kids would get the help they need.

oh you'll laugh, i went in this morning requested a meeting with head and senco for tommorrow afternoon, and my DS was called for some 'individual reading'.. i was but its not happened before, as i looked around saw men in suits with access passes and realised a certain body was in. I think some people are unclear as to what the thread is about, i am upset that a) my son is so embarrassed about his difficulties he was telling me about it last night and i was understandably quite emotional. b) when I have raised my concerns because iv read with him and see how difficult it is and the contrast to his brother (who was reading Harry Potter at 7 and i certainly had less time to do phonics, reading with him with due to younger SEN said child, still managed to help him to read though didnt i?) c) WHEN CONCERNS I HAVE RAISED, are dismissed as me seeing a problem where there isnt, when there clearly is. d) i have enquired about assessment was told he had to be 7, aswell as general dismissive response. e) you do realise there will be children in my sons class who have 1 parents working FT , long shifts, no support network, extended family who wont get that kind of input ever but can still read and complete work at a basic level. MY SON CANNOT.

To all the other helpful responses and information thankyou.

Of course you're upset. I have four dc, three of whom are dyslexic. I cried when dd1 tested positive, and felt guilty because I hadn't noticed and needed her teacher to tell me. It is heartbreaking to watch them struggle, and to work harder than other children to achieve the same results.

None of which detracts from the fact that the school cannot yet accurately test for dyslexia, may not have a spare member of staff to carry out additional 1:1 reading or interventions and are presumably telling the truth about the fact that there are non-readers in the class who are struggling more than your son and therefore being prioritised.

You have also had pp on here telling you that their own children struggled horribly, were maybe even tested for dyslexia, but ultimately caught up. There are many places where children are only just starting school at 7, or doing no formal learning yet at all.

Of course you want to help him, and you will with all of the excellent advice you've received on here. I hope your meeting goes well. Be clear about what you expect from them, because it is pointless asking for stuff that they can't deliver.

"You sound as though you think it is caused by a parent just not putting enough time and effort into their children’s education pre school and not supporting the teacher when they are in school"

Oliversmumsarmy.....we dont know this child has dyslexia. You have quoted my paragraph and drawn some odd conclusions. My paragraph was aimed at another poster who was trying to make out parents need training to teach phonics etc . Clearly children who are struggling for whatever reason need additional help. Its whether that additional help is available or not. The op still hasnt really answered in terms of what input she has put in, other than to say her eldest child can read.

I've had many frustrating years of knowing there were different problems with our children - and their class teachers either denying or flip flopping on if there there was a problem.

The teachers on the education boards here have been very helpful over the years so worth having a look at and posting on.

Our child that couldn't read at all - we started with
bear necessities A1 and worked through. Lots of practise - but their tip of shouting out the correct sounds to blend was key. Same people do a good spelling program as well - apple and pears.

10 minutes in every morning -that was all but it made such a huge difference and got him reading.

Can also recommend your monster how to read because it was free and they enjoyed doing it - so it was sneaky practise.

I know people who have found Nessy good we're currently using Touch-type Read and Spell (TTRS) mainly for spelling and to learn typing but it is supposed to help reading as well.

Reading chest book rental service specialising in reading scheme books allows phonics only schemes to be selected and The book people good place to look for phonics based books to buy like song birds though I liked the Usborne Phonics Readers Collections - Red in bed. Also used lovereading4kids to find dyslexia friendly books.

I'd also keep on at the school for testing or at least screening as private testing is expensive.

"We have done all what you have done and much much more but our children can’t read or spell or can’t understand basic instructions or directions if you give them more than one thing to do.".
As said in an earlier post, I have a family member with a brain injury, so am fully aware what it's like to have someone close to you who gets confused if too many instructions in a sentence. That's not something solely linked to dyslexia.

I agree with rvby unfortunately it is left to parents.
In my dc class in yr r they read with the teacher 6 times.
And maybe every 3w or 4 with the ta. Certainly not enough to practise even using phonics.

Op how is the pda traits affecting the reading? Refusal to read/purposely reading wrong?
My eldest was like that with writing she would not do an 'a' i had to give up in the end as her intentionally going the wrong way was too annoying.

We did reading chest as you can get quite a few books.

What band is he on?

You can get pack from the book people with 7+ of project alien ones.

If he is one of the youngest the sometimes get left behind as they are not ready.
And to the pp re doing phonics in preschool. Or before starting, bear in mind some are 4.0yo on starting.
But yes i would recommend Alphablocks and numberblocks.

We basically have a similar situation with maths and dc is very bright but honestly school just dont provide the necessary environment for some kids Ie they need watching and checking they havecompleted stuff. I did loads of work in yr 2 (probably averaging 30min a day and she passed the SATs.
Fundamentally they dont/cant stop the kids switching off at school. Plus as i suspected it is a lot better in yr 3 as they have moved towards column add/sub thank God!

All four of our daughters are dyslexic.
I can't stress enough for you to get his eyes tested and ask them to check for convergence of the eyes too.
Our second youngest was seeing double but figured you have two eyes so it made sense to her to see two pictures if that makes sense.
She had exercises to do and it has revolutionised her life and now is thriving.
It is so hard and they all required so much help at home but it did help in the end.
Look for the word shark program for the computer. It's for dyslexic children but they learn words/spelling and maths through playing computer games.
Also check eBay for dyslexic friendly books on special coloured paper.

itsmecsthycomehome - I don't doubt that many Ed psych referrals come back as positive for dyslexia, and I imagine most parents are anticipating that dyslexia will be identified. There's a very simple reason for that - at referrals costing around £500 or more parents are only going to refer if they already have significant concerns based on a struggling child, a family history and their own research that has indicated that their child is showing clear markers for spLD!

i have said that i read to him. and with him every night and that his embarrassment of his issues and i imagine his PDA make activities hard to do with him at home i spoke in detail about how attempting to pick out an activity book triggered a big meltdown to the point of having to leave it, and until recently he enjoyed writing. its sad people have to pick apart the person doing the most work because regardless a parents place is in the wrong.

It's only really one or two posters who have been on your case Op, just ignore

"There's a very simple reason for that - at referrals costing around £500 or more parents are only going to refer if they already have significant concerns based on a struggling child."

More than £500 here. But I did go on to say that 40-50% are not dyslexic when we test again in Y6.

OP, I haven't seen much criticism of you really, just some posters seeking clarification about what you do at home. I'm sure most sensible pp know that you love your boy and want the best for him.

I agree with rvby unfortunately it is left to parents.

No I agree as well - and at times with multiple children needing help in multiple different areas it has felt overwelming.

Op how is the pda traits affecting the reading?

I don't know much about PDA - but we also had to help with maths as well and finding a good maths app was a godsend - it reduced the amount of arguing with us and helped with some of the built up reisistance - especially once into a routine with doing it - and meant I could do something else with another child in the room.

Something about them doing in on the computer as oppose to yet another task with us made it more palatable to them - so maybe some of the computer based suggestions might help?

This is my DD. At 7 in Y3 she can barely read and her maths is barely reception level. We moved her to private school in Y2 as she had such a dreadful teacher who just left her to get on with it (quiet, not disruptive) in Y1 and told me everything was fine until I looked at her books and it quite clearly was not. Tbh private isn’t the answer either - it was a knee jerk reaction on our part - we now do a lot at home. It’s the only way in my view.

thats true limits thank you, yes im definitely seeing a need to check eyesight and hearing, it cant hurt can it anyway.

TreDreigau- thats a good idea he does like his ipad

PP mentioned audio books - they help keep mine interested - mainly book people and amazon some second hand - also got kindle which you can buy some books with audio as an extra add.

I did everything you were supposed to - they knew letter sounds and loved books before school.

In our case I think there a phonemic hearing issue in the family - don't hear all the sounds in the words though hearing tests themsleves are fine and poor phonics teaching with mixed methods still around and weak working memories plus less school based practice of basics which mine seem to need more than other children and confusing “fun” group work and being very young in school year all played a part.

On plus side they all read well now older and even for pleasure- which I though with one I’d never get - and are all doing really well in school – with some lingering issues with few like spelling. So hard slog at times but worth it.

Though agree it's always worth checking hearing and eyes are okay - as DN eye issues were missed for some time.