to be upset that my child cant read and nobody cares?

[staydazzling]

had a heartbreaking conversation inthe bath earlier with youngest child 6 yrs old. Ive always known that he has significant reading difficulties and have spent 2 years trying to bring up with the teachers he could benefit from help but i get dismissive replies ranging from he'll get there eventually to hes not the most severe in the class. He was telling me he feels self conscious because he can hardly read at all and is embarrassed to tell anyone, children already whisper when he asks other kids to read a word for him , i empathised and said that must be so frustrating for you. and that people in our family have dyslexia hes not alone. he also gets sounds confuses, another symptom of dyslexia. another complaint he had was they just tell him to sound the word out, but he cant because he gets sounds wrong that broke my heart hes being so badly failed. hes on a low book band at least 5 behind where he should be. i know austerity has desimated our education but, it cannot be right to just abandon a child like that can it? its making me quite teary now, AIBU to be annoyed noone seems to care that my son can barely read?

You will have to work on this with him. The teacher physically can’t focus on just one child at the expense of the rest of the class unfortunately and as the teacher has told you, there are other children who are also struggling so it’s presumably something they’re trying to work on as a class rather than just giving your son special attention. In an ideal world yes he’d get extra help but we don’t live in an ideal world. Schools are extraordinarily underfunded and struggling through no fault of their own and parents need to take a hands on approach now more than ever. Even at the best of times, when a child is struggling with reading their parents will always need to put in the time and effort to help their child work on this in their free time too. The school can’t do everything. Parents do need to take an interest and play a role in their children’s education too.

My boy is year 3 and this time last year we were similar. The school told me they suspect a "processing disorder" but he's too young for assessment. To give them their due they have done a lot of work with him but I find the whole process frustrating. I've been back and forth to the school many time and still no formal assessment. I was even told because he's not naughty/disruptive that there are a lot more higher up on the list for education psychology. Then this time last year I was told to go to my GP to get a referral. I did do that, waited 9 months to see a developmental paediatrician only to be told it's educational psychologist I need and the school need to refer. I knew that and have no idea why they made me go through for GP to have him assessed and wait another year so we're now back to square one. I've offered to go private for education psychology review but keep getting dismissed and was told that the school can't accept a private diagnosis anyway.
Having said all that he has got a lot better. He didn't get expected standard in any of his sats but he appears to be catching up a bit and reading coming a long and I'm told writing will follow. He's now in a new school so I'm giving it a few weeks for the new teacher to get to know him before I go in and start a new fight for referrals.

Lots of good advice.

I'm dyslexic, I also should have had glasses much earlier than I did.

My dad probably is too, he also left school at 15 and ran his own business.

There is lots of tech around these days. And i's often free or not very expensive.

I have my computer set to use a font called 'lexia' it is a free download it is a very simple font and it makes all the letters look slightly different so a 'b' and a 'd' are not mirror images of each other.

Could you try scanning a reading book and using OCR software to change the font?

www.makeuseof.com/tag/top-5-free-ocr-software-tools-to-convert-your-images-into-text-nb/

I read using a Kindle, I find the grey easier as a background (although my preference would be blue) and you can change the font size and type, you can also have more 'space' on the page.

I know they are not cheap but worth considering. It might also be worth looking at a tablet. You can get software that reads aloud so he could ' read along'.

BTW I wasn't diagnosed until my 30s, after a successful career in technical cardiology, I have since been to uni and taken post grad qualifications.I'm doing a second degree with the OU now.

One last thing, I'm a BSL user, I also have a crazy personal theory that the more senses that are used when learning the better you learn / remember.

It's not possible to learn BSL from the internet but it is possible to learn the BSL alphabet and sign the letters, it might be a fun activity for you both to try, so rather than reading a book you just 'translate' it into signed letters. Just sake sure you get he right or left handed version of the alphabet and use the British one not the American.

www.british-sign.co.uk/fingerspelling-alphabet-charts

Ds didn’t read confidently until he was 12.

In year 2 the teacher would bring me in to tell me he was far behind.

I would ask for help and asked if he could be tested for dyslexia.
They wouldn’t test for dyslexia. Said to do it in the next “school” (school was in 2 different locations)

The following year he was told he had to do the homework otherwise he would be kept in every break and every lunch time till it was completed.

This teacher would look at me with a blank face when I pointed out he couldn’t read or write so saying he had to do a piece of comprehension and answer 10 questions was never going to happen.
I asked if we could do as much as we could, such as reading the piece and maybe write a few words to do with the homework but the reply was to tell me it was the National Curriculum and he had to do the homework.
By the end of the year my little boy was broken..

I pulled him out of school and although he did return in year 6 and went to secondary school for a while he never really took to school.

He went to college where with my insistence they finally tested him.

He has dysgraphia and dyslexia and ADHD.

It took to him being nearly 17 for someone to actually test him.

He is never going to be able to pass his English GCSE so he can only go so far in the trade he was training for despite coming top of the class and having near perfect test scores.

He is doing the first part of his apprenticeship but that is as far as he can go.

He is now alongside his apprenticeship trying to gain work and pursue a career in a really precarious industry.

Sorry dabbed post by mistake.

I hope you can get your Ds tested ASAP. W hit a brick wall in that they wouldn’t test him when he was in school and I couldn’t test him outside of school as I needed a referral from a teacher

Get Toe by Toe and do 10 mins everyday.

Plus ideally should not test a child for dyslexia until ks2 and it costs a lot so most school won't do it. They will screen.

Work with him from home and sign up to Nessy.com. It’s a great program and you can help make reading fun for him.

Spend a little time each evening reading some books together just for pleasure not just a school homework chore.

My DD loved me reading the “Diary of a Wimpy Kid” books to her as she liked the cartoons.

I used the ‘Peter and Jane’ books with my son who struggled with phonics. They teach by whole word memory and there is a lot of repetition of key words. You could try those at home.

Take it back to basics too - read to him every night - fun, interesting books for his age - to help him pick up the flow of language. Run your finger under the words as you go. Not everyone finds phonics the easiest way to learn. When I was young we learned the sight word way initially then moved into breaking words down so different techniques work for different people.

Not all children get phonetics. I had one child who got the idea within a couple of days and another who never really got it. He just learnt through word recognition. Obviously that takes a lot longer. I just got age appropriate books out and would read most of it to him and then get him to read, at first the odd word, then a sentence and finally paragraphs. It built up his confidence gradually and took the pressure off as it wasn't 'schoolwork' but rather reading with mum.

Someone mentioned a tv programme about a teacher who taught adults with dyslexia. His name is Phil Beadle and there's some stuff from him on YouTube. From memory he found that boys in particular benefited from reading with their dads or other male role model. I think they took them camping and read round the camp fire with the kids taking turns to read a bit here and there.

If your dc is struggling with writing I'd practise the fine motor skills first before actually doing writing with them. Using scissors, drawing, picking up beads or small objects.

As PP said, keep working at supporting your child, but try not to be too anxious about it. My son struggled with both reading and writing for years. And now he's just gone to a good university. It's a lot of building blocks that just need to be put in place in the right order!

We used Dancing Bears as well. Started when my DD was almost 6 years and did it every night for around 45 mins. After about two months, she gained over a year in reading fluency and passed the phonics assessments without any problems.

It really made a difference and we kept at it every night!! Good luck!

If you pay for a private assessment, they will find dyslexic traits because they always do

I thought this myth had gone out with the ark. It simply isn't true. Additionally, given the possibility of ASD and PDA, it's all the more important that the full range of difficulties is picked up at an early stage; if your son has ASD, it will impact on his language which in turn will impact on his reading.

Dd1 was very similar, eventua!ly I bought the ladybird key word books and cards,( peter and jane version) and spent one summer ho!iday working through them, when we got to about level 4/5 something finally semed to click and by the time she left primary she was one of the top readers.

Phonics doesn't work for every one, it maybe worth trying the keyword syxtem

Your poor son, it's heart breaking when they struggle. I had similar with DD. She wasn't the worst in the class and although I raised it each year with the class teacher, each year I was reassured. It wasn't until yr3 when I went into school with evidence of how much we were doing at home in terms of reading, writing and spelling just for her to be low average in class that they took notice. I had be be quite firm and point out the strong history of dyslexia in the family, that her vocabulary and verbal skills were light years ahead of her reading. I was able to show things like she was having to spend about 4 hours a week using sensory techniques just to learn about half of her weekly spellings. At school they see doing ok, at home we were struggling. She's now getting extra help at school, has some adjustments and we are working through Toe by Toe which I would highly recommend. Last year she was struggling with Biff and Chip, currently she is reading proper chapter books. I would also say that 7 is the magic number when they will investigate, but you need to collect evidence before that. Good luck.

I also bought the ladybird read ityour self books, they're a set of graded storybooks that gradually get harder but don't feel as muchlike school books. Dd1 was soproud when she managed to read one to me😁. They also just to do a similar set of Winnie the Pooh books that dd1 loved.

Winnie the Pooh first readers, looks like they're no longer in print but are available second hand on amazon

I found that the dilemma in the limbo "waiting to test" phase is that you don't want your child to struggle and fail and set their education off on a weak start, but you don't want to overinvest and mask the difficulties you have, and risk them struggling, undiagnosed in the future when they exceed their coping mechanisms again, and have their difficulties dismissed because they were coping adequately.

When we finally had an assessment, I had to emphasise the range of interventions that DS had already had over the years to support him in the areas affected by dyslexia and dyspraxia. His reading is in the normal range... because he has access to his glasses, and even without he adapts better because he knows what text is like when before, it always was a stretchy, mobile mass that was difficult to decipher.

It's a very frustrating time when you can see a child has difficulties. Basically, we were only offered private diagnosis. When typing was recommended instead of literally painfully and slowly writing everything, that was fine by school... but the teacher's clunking breeze blocks of laptops were testement to the fact that school was not providing a laptop. Fortunately we can do what is necessary. Not everyone can. Interventions only run because of parent volunteers... fortunately we have a decent cohort of jaded ex-teachers who are able to help

Hi,
Apologies if this seems negative.

Both my sons have SEN. Doing anything that seemed like schoolwork at home was very difficult. My eldest had very high needs and received 1:1 support, but my youngest 'slipped through the net'. He received some extra Literacy and Numeracy support and coasted in the bottom sets until he refused school completely at 14.

There was a game called 'Wordshark' which combined word recognition and games and both boys engaged with this to some extent. However, they would give up on the game if the words became too difficult.

They both had and still have special interests and we would read texts together that related to these interests. It did not matter if the texts were from the Internet or from comics or anything else. Exposure to written language was important.

My eldest is a proficient reader now, and my youngest can also read. However, both struggle with writing tasks. This is the result of leaving formal education at such a young age. They are catching up now (as young men).

On reflection, I wish I had pushed for more support and for a formal diagnosis for my youngest when he was at school. My advice is:

• Keep reading and other tasks 'fun' at home. Read aloud to your son when possible, so he may see some correlation between the written word and the sound of the word.

• Exploit any special interest, read out instructions for games, read out the names of his favourite characters, but (this may be controversial) don't make homework a demand.

-It could be that your son will, as others have suggested, pick up with respect to reading, when he is older. However, if he continues to struggle, flag this up with teachers.

-I may be hopelessly out of date here, but we got one of those mini computer devices that read out stories. I cannot remember what it was called, but the characters were frogs. It had some positive effects because both my sons enjoyed the stories and would read some of the words.

• If your son is on the autism spectrum, he will probably have a host of other issues to deal with as well as reading. Start investigating the possibility of assessment. Children with a PDA profile may mask at school, so if teachers report that your son is quiet and well behaved and seems to have friends at school, but his behaviour is very different at home, this may indicate the presence of a masking behaviour.

One of the things that sapped my sons' confidence (and caused me some parental anxiety) was the hugely competitive school environment and children's overt awareness of exactly where they were (academically) in relation to their peers. So, build on your son's strengths. If he is good at art, bike riding, great with animals and so on, let him know this and give him lots of opportunities to do the things he loves and from which he can gain positive self esteem.

I

Agree with others in that you’ll have to put some Work in. Schools just don’t have the resources. I would get some appropriate materials for dyslexic children or find him a specialist to help.
DS didn’t read until he was 5.5 - in year 1 - whereas DD could read at age 4. He caught up, but I put the work in with him as I knew school wouldnt have the resources. He wasn’t dyslexic though.

Icanthinkofanewname, i dont expect school to do Everything, i do expect them to acknowledge the issue and try to help him.

all brilliant advice ill have to read through twice, dancing bears has been mentioned a lot! but lots more resources.

Check out 'word hornet'. I use it with my 6 year old as he has an older sibling with dyslexia - I use toe by toe with older child but really wouldnt recommended that book until they are at least 7

The books are easy for parents to.use as it.workbooks you go.through with the child