to be upset that my child cant read and nobody cares?

[staydazzling]

had a heartbreaking conversation inthe bath earlier with youngest child 6 yrs old. Ive always known that he has significant reading difficulties and have spent 2 years trying to bring up with the teachers he could benefit from help but i get dismissive replies ranging from he'll get there eventually to hes not the most severe in the class. He was telling me he feels self conscious because he can hardly read at all and is embarrassed to tell anyone, children already whisper when he asks other kids to read a word for him , i empathised and said that must be so frustrating for you. and that people in our family have dyslexia hes not alone. he also gets sounds confuses, another symptom of dyslexia. another complaint he had was they just tell him to sound the word out, but he cant because he gets sounds wrong that broke my heart hes being so badly failed. hes on a low book band at least 5 behind where he should be. i know austerity has desimated our education but, it cannot be right to just abandon a child like that can it? its making me quite teary now, AIBU to be annoyed noone seems to care that my son can barely read?

Oh, I'm dyslexic too, that was a bonus as I could try lots of different strategies.

You can take your child to a private clinic for assessment

Gingerbread....I dont anyone has intimated they "dont give a crap" or that no one has or should be upset. The post you referred to was just asking her questions.

My daughter has dyspraxia and I suspect dyslexia. I was fobbed off for a few years by the school but this year they seem to be responding. Her teacher is giving her separate work to work on simpler words and she is getting literacy support every day. She is also on the waiting list for a private dyslexia assessment. It is expensive but she changes school next year and I want her to receive the exact support she requires.

It's a very lonely road when you know there is a blockage somewhere and nobody wants to help.

The OP ‘s question was - am I being unreasonable to be upset my child can’t read and no one cares? That’s where the suggestion no on gives a crap comes from.

The PP I referred to put the onus on the OP as what she was doing, suggesting she should rely on school. But more generally on the thread, it is quite clear that the attitude is, that this is the OP’s problem, she will have to sort, you can’t rely on school. The clear message from OP is that the school don’t care. I’m not necessarily blaming the school for that, it’s very prevalent because they’re desperately under resourced. But it shows the rotten state of our education system that a significant minority are locked out of accessing their education unless their parents can plug the gaps. It’s not unreasonable for the OP (and all of us) to be upset about that.

I don’t think anything I’ve said is inconsistent with that context. But whether I was clear in my thoughts or not, that’s where I’m coming from.

*shouldn’t rely on the school

I just want to give some reassurance to all the parents who have children who appear to be struggling. Many Home Educated children do not learn to read until much later than schooled children and few if any wholly HE kids are diagnosed dyslexic but simply learn in their own time.

My son went from not reading to reading fluently within a couple of weeks at 8. My eldest daughter was reading fluently by 4 and reading The Hobbit at 7. My younger daughter could not read at all until 10. All went to collage and got 4 A-Levels and the younger one got 3 A's and a B - by far the best grades.

My Grandson had a reading age of 4 at aged 5, 6,7,8,9 and on his 10th Birthday. He was 11 a few weeks ago and has a reading age of 14. He progressed 10 years in 6 months!

Children who find it difficult at a young age often learn incredibly quickly at an older age. The key is not to scare them off and make reading a chore - if they see it as fun and have plenty of gentle encouragement they will get there. I can only say relax - make sure you are reading to him and playing board games that he will find reading an advantage for.

Ultimately my GS learned by playing Pokémon - he needed to know the names!

"Gingerbreadsonme

TheOP‘s question was - am I being unreasonable to be upset my child can’t read and no one cares? That’s where the suggestion no on gives a crap comes from."

So Gingerbread....the op has asked that question, but I dont think anyone has they dont give crap or that she shouldn't be upset. People have asked op for more information...as it wasnt clear what level of input the child has had at home. I still dont think it's clear to be honest. She has said she read to him, so other people have asked did she go one step further and do cards or phonics with him etc did she ask the child to read to her, not the other way round? She should get support from the school and she should ask them about dyslexia. She does have responsibility as a parent, and does the school also have responsibility.

Sorry @Gingerbreadsonme I am not of the mindset that it is solely the school's responsibility to teach a child to read or write.

As a parent it is your responsibility to either teach them or facilitate help for it in some way, prior to school.

Simple word reading and writing and holding a pen or a pencil properly (as as well as they can) are basics a child should know before they start year 1.

A parent not knowing 'how' to teach them when a child is NT is easly solved ffs. The internet exists.

No one is ever going to care as much as the parent does. Teachers care, TAs care, but they have to care about whole classrooms of students. So if the OP has time, energy, patience and the curiosity to learn about phonics and literacy, her child will be best served by doing some 'supporting' phonics at home .

Yeah, it sucks that the school isn't doing enough. She's right to feel that the system is failing her child and I have every sympathy. Yes, the OP should go advocate for her child at school. But schools are way underfunded and often lack the staff necessary to make the impact that a parent can.

And I know that HE kids can wait until 6, 7, 8 etc to learn to read, but in a mainstream school frustration and despondency can set in way before that. An HE child is not being faced daily with 20+ children who can read far more fluently. It can really knock the confidence out of children, even if the teachers keep up a stream of praise.

Gingerbread....you dont have to be trained to teach a child phonics or to read some words before they start school. Even pre nursery education involves some learning and phonics work. No one is suggesting parents do all the work. In my mind it's a joint effort between parents and school.

If no training is required to teach a child to read, it blows my mind as to why teachers have such a problem teaching children...

I have never said that it is the school’s sole responsibility (I have spent probably thousands of hours with my kids in the process of learning to read), but when a child struggles, many schools seem to wash their hands of it, with the old cliche they’ll learn when they’re ready.

As for it being easy to teach an NT child to read - well yes, largely it will be, but a child with dyslexia is by their very definition not NT...

My son is 6 next month and in p2 (Scotland) and really cannot read anything except words like can/no etc that sounds exactly as you say them. He is getting some additional support at school which is helping a bit

And no attempt even to address why it’s ok for some children just to slip through the cracks due to background they come from...

How did he do at his Phonics test? If you don't know explicitly ask the school.

If he struggles with sounds - then I used Reading Reflex with mine. No books to start with, just working on whether they can "hear" the sounds. You can play games like "what sound start this word...cat", then "What sound ends this word...car" and then even trying to spot the middle sound.

I also used Toe by Toe - which was boring but helped. (If Dancing Bears is better - then go with that.)

If you are in the South East then you could look into the Helen Arkyll centre - the best thing we got from them was some free advice and some summer courses which showed my most dyslexic son that other children with dyslexia were "normal". The BDA can also be useful if you have a local one.

And the best tip I got from the Principle of Helen Arkyll - is to keep a notebook and record anything school promises with dates of when they will review or things will be done by. Record keeping can be invaluable. If he is really not getting any/enough help at school you can request assessment for an ECHP yourself.
And my biggest regret? That I didn't bite the bullet and pay the huge amount for some specialist after school tuition - I accepted some cheaper but not so qualified tuition which I don't think really helped much.

I had the same issue with my step d who has downs syndrome.
She has never been taught to read at school as they think she is incapable.
Shes 18 now and the school she attends is a special needs one. I picked up at a car boot a few of ladybird books Peter and Jane ones 1a 1b 1c 2a 2b. Thought lets give it a go have nothing to loose. Long story short sat her down and taught her to read the first book within 2 hours she did it and loved it. I got her to read it to her family and they were in tears,they too didnt believe she could do it.
So my advice is to give those books a try.
I really hope it works for your dc.

Gingerbread.....you seem to pick out half a phrase or sentence and twist it somehow. I said you dont need to be trained to teach a child phonics or to read simple words before they start school. You seem to have have ignored the words "before they start school". And then commented on how " it blows my mind as to why teachers have such a problem teaching children..."....teachers are trained in continuing that learning in the school setting. We as parents can teach the basics before they attend school, then help the teachers in embedding that learning by getting them to read with us every night etc.. I bought all the jollyphonics books for my kids and the music tapes for the car and we did phonics at every opportunity we could. Where parents dont do much with their children, the teacher has to fill in the gaps.

Have you got a child with severe dyslexia Tabby ? It might explain you don’t understand my frustration. And it isn’t easy to teach a child with dyslexia the basics. Every bloody word is hard won. But people who haven’t experienced it don’t get it. And schools HAVE to take the lead on reading, because without it you can’t access education the way it is taught in this country. And it’s a travesty that more is not done to address this.

I don’t say this from a place of expecting schools to do it all - my kids were read from from being tiny, we’ve done flash cards, phonics, tried whole word reading, myriad home intervention, dyslexia institute - I bought their computer programme for home and ultimately the specialist dept of an independent school. But why should my kids who are lucky to have a mum who has the resources and wherewithal to do this succeed, when kids who don’t have families who can provide it are set up to fail?

No I haven't Gingerbread, but I have a close family member with a brain injury.....does that satisfy you? We understand your frustrations, but we dont know that this child has dyslexia. The parent hasnt asked for the child to be assessed. We dont even know what real input the child has had so far as the OP hasnt really said. I understand your child has dyslexia, but you cant use your experiences to twist and turn what everyone has said on here.

"God forbid our education system should be adequate to educate our children without relying on parents (who are not trained) to do all the work of teaching a child who is struggling to read."

One teacher with, say, 30 children is going to really struggle to put in the 1:1 time that struggling readers need.

If this class is lucky enough to have a TA, she will be directed to the weakest students and op has already been told that that isn't her DS.

Of course schools care, and frankly teachers have to justify every child in their class that doesn't meet the expected standard so - even if they didn't care about the child - they'd want to address any issues for that reason.

There's loads of good advice on here for you op, and I hope he feels happier soon.

@Millie2016 * You are not alone OP. Bloody biff and kipper. There’s one with someone called Pam. In the background there is a picture with a sofa in it.
This is me.
P A M.
P AM.
PAM.
What’s the word?
My child: Sofa
I could honestly scream with frustration. She just doesn’t understand sounding it out.
I’ll be reading the advice you get with interest.
💐*

Omg! Exactly. The. Same! My daughter said exactly the same thing! Same with Dog. Floppy was in the mud. D O G, D OG DOG My child: Mud!

I agree about bloody Biff Chip & Kipper! My Mum taught me to read before I started school (back in the 80s) and I showed her these books recently and she actually laughed!

The method she used was to simply get me to recognise words. So a picture of a dog with the word above in large, recognisable colours. She pointed to every word as she read to me - slowly - and I picked it up. Of course not every child will pick it up as quickly I know, but surely the simple pre-phonics method is better for children with difficulties? My daughter is just not getting sounding it out at all!!

Yes itsmecathy they are - and that’s the problem - schools should be better resourced so they can put it in the time all children need to learn to read.

I haven’t twisted what anyone has said Tabby - we have different perspectives. But the fact this child doesn’t have a diagnosis is irrelevant (as I said earlier) - they’ve reached a stage where they should have made significant progress in reading, and they haven’t. So school should be putting in support (whatever the cause of the failure to learn) so he can make progress. It’s not unreasonable for OP to be upset that school seem not to care.

But I’m bowing out now, because I realise I’ve derailed the thread, none of this will be any practical help to the OP. Good luck OP xx

We as parents can teach the basics before they attend school, then help the teachers in embedding that learning by getting them to read with us every night etc

What if after doing all that your child still couldn’t read.

That is what dyslexia looks like

You sound as though you think it is caused by a parent just not putting enough time and effort into their children’s education pre school and not supporting the teacher when they are in school.

We have done all what you have done and much much more but our children can’t read or spell or can’t understand basic instructions or directions if you give them more than one thing to do.

Dyslexia covers so much more than not being able to read.

Dd could read from almost 8.
Today she was trying to write the word quicker and wondering why it wasn’t coming up on predictive text

“cquiker”

When you can’t spell something as a dyslexic there is no good looking it up in a dictionary. For that you need to at least know what the first letter is.

I have 2 dyslexic children. Dd can read but couldn’t tell you what she has read.
She can’t spell, has processing issues and ADD

Ds can read now and is an excellent speller but also has processing issues, dyslexia, dysgraphia and ADHD

As a parent I had to put my business on hold to try to get my children to a certain level.

I know nothing about dyslexia, so my advice may not help.

We use the app reading eggs. It's basically phonics through games. It's really helped my two (age 7 and 5) with phonics and reading.

Think you can get a free trial - night be worth trying? He can do a test to place him at the right level, or you can just start at the beginning - that may be best if he's lacking in confidence?