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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should I feel insulted?

182 replies

UnaCorda · 29/09/2019 18:05

Went to a friend's party last night. At some point later in the evening it became apparent one of the guests was interested in me (started being very touchy-feely). He insisted on walking me home; when we got there he kissed me (until I told him to stop) and was clearly angling after coming inside, although I didn't let him. I was a bit concerned he wasn't going to be easy to get rid of, as he seemed quite determined he was going to get what he wanted. Told me I was amazing.

Received a message from him this morning basically saying, "see ya" - clearly he has no intention of contacting me again and was only after a shag.

Even though I don't have feelings for him I feel quite upset that he was clearly planning to sleep with me and then dump me in the morning - am I overreacting? For context, I have been single for a long time and had some shit experiences with men, including them not hearing "no"; this is no doubt influencing how I feel.

OP posts:
Karwomannghia · 29/09/2019 19:34

What did your message say? Sounds like he took it to mean I’m not interested in which case take care is bowing out. But if it showed you were interested then he was being pissy.

donquixotedelamancha · 29/09/2019 19:40

He sent a pissy little message because he was miffed.

Is 'take care' pissy? I don't think most men of that age would continue after being rebuffed, bit too pushy.

Original poster
UnaCorda · 29/09/2019 19:44

I don't think most men of that age would continue after being rebuffed, bit too pushy.

You must have encountered better-behaved men than I have. However, he's about 30. I don't think he realised I'm so much older.

OP posts:
Wheelson · 29/09/2019 19:52

When I thought he had genuinely said 'see ya' I thought he was an arse but 'take care' is a bit different.

Ok, he was drunk and definitely tried to push his luck and it was good that you shut him down if that's not what you wanted, but maybe he would be interested in something else. If you like him, I would wait a few days then drop him a casual message and see how he responds.

donquixotedelamancha · 29/09/2019 19:55

You must have encountered better-behaved men than I have.

So has he, in fact, just done what you wanted? If so I don't think his message means what you think means.

If instead you wanted pursuing, but didn't want a one nighter, the consider whether he was a pushy arse (and avoid) or whether he might simply not know what you want.

I don't think he realised I'm so much older.

Or, more likely, was not bothered. If he just wanted a shag it's irrelevant. If he's open to more it's a minor issue.

SparklyMagpie · 29/09/2019 19:56

Going to ignore the question being asked of what you sent him this morning, OP?

Original poster
UnaCorda · 29/09/2019 20:01

Going to ignore the question being asked of what you sent him this morning, OP?

He said it was lovely to meet me and he hoped I had a lovely evening (a slightly odd comment given I was clearly on my way to bed when we said goodbye). I wrote back that it was good to meet him, too. He replied "Take care!"

It's not the message itself, just that it implies (to me) an ending.

Anyway, it's useful to hear people's opinions and I dare say I'll be over it in a day or so.

OP posts:
Butchyrestingface · 29/09/2019 20:01

Received a message from him this morning basically saying, "see ya" - clearly he has no intention of contacting me again and was only after a shag.

Okay, so that didn’t actually happen?

YABU. No need to feel insulted.

littlehappyhippo · 29/09/2019 20:02

@UnaCorda

LOL what a loser! Grin Sore and bitter and angry that you rebuffed his skanky advances... Grin

I have had friends who have been dating, who have had men crawling all over them and are clearly desperate for a shag, and when she pushes them away, they get nasty and say 'fucking dog anyway, I have turned away WAY better women than you.'

And one friend recently had to be very firm in pushing away a creepy fucker she met on OLD,. She is 34 and was looking for a man aged 30 to 37. She got SHITloads of messages (as she is gorgeous,) maybe from about 50 men, and all but 5 or 6 of them were at least 45. Some were 50-60. PMSL.

One was very pushy, and claimed he was 6 ft 3, earned £200K, and was 38 (he looked 10 years older.) After about 10 messages in 2 days (from him,) she messaged him and said 'I am not interested - so sorry about that ... good luck!!' Next day he sent a message back saying 'when a woman is pushing 40 like you, you need to be less choosy and picky, because you are very average, and will be a dried up, wilted husk within 3 or 4 years, and your baby making days are nearly over. Just a tip ladygirl; don't think so much of yourself be cause you AINT ALL DAT!'

A middle aged man sent this. What a cunt. It really upset her too. And 34 is pushing 40??? He's nuts! You could just as easily say it's only just out of your 20s!!!

Some men do NOT like being rejected DO they??? (And WTF is a ladygirl?') Confused

Butchyrestingface · 29/09/2019 20:05

He said it was lovely to meet me and he hoped I had a lovely evening (a slightly odd comment given I was clearly on my way to bed when we said goodbye).

Why is it odd? Confused

I wrote back that it was good to meet him, too. He replied "Take care!"

So far so gentlemanly.

If all you said in response to him contacting you was that it had been good to meet him then perhaps he took that as a signal and hence ventured no further?

SparklyMagpie · 29/09/2019 20:06

Right so again the "hope you had a nice evening" you're taking that as he meant he hoped you had a nice evening from the minute he left to you getting in bed and not perhaps the fact you had all been out for the evening? Hmm

Also I am STILL not getting what's he's done wrong.

You texted back a simple text and he replied.

I'm not getting these comments at all? How does that make him a loser,bitter and angry? And all the other names he's being called

donquixotedelamancha · 29/09/2019 20:08

It's not the message itself, just that it implies (to me) an ending.

But yours implies an ending too. In the context of your earlier posts I'd have done the same if I was that bloke. I know many men would keep pushing but I don't think that's a good thing.

Are you interested or was he a jerk? If you are interested I think the ball is in your court.

donquixotedelamancha · 29/09/2019 20:11

LOL what a loser! grin Sore and bitter and angry that you rebuffed his skanky advances...

Are you reading the same thread as me?

He said it was lovely to meet me and he hoped I had a lovely evening. I wrote back that it was good to meet him, too. He replied "Take care!

There is nothing bitter about that.

Tilltheendoftheline · 29/09/2019 20:11

He said he hoped you had a nice evening. Not he hoped you has a good time from when he left you. He was probably hoping you would say you did have a good evening and something like 'maybe we could do it again'

You said it was good to meet him, he said take care.

You are really reading to much negativity into this. You showed no interest in your reply. So he gave a neutral but polite reply.

Original poster
UnaCorda · 29/09/2019 20:14

Right so again the "hope you had a nice evening" you're taking that as he meant he hoped you had a nice evening from the minute he left to you getting in bed and not perhaps the fact you had all been out for the evening?

Yes, otherwise I'd have written that he hoped I had had a nice evening.

He wrote "Have a lovely evening."

OP posts:
donquixotedelamancha · 29/09/2019 20:16

He wrote "Have a lovely evening."

That's still fine. He definitely hasn't insulted you. The only question is: do you want him or not?

Tilltheendoftheline · 29/09/2019 20:16

He said it was lovely to meet me and he hoped I had a lovely evening

You said this ^

But now saying

He wrote "Have a lovely evening."

Perhaps he decided you are too difficult to communicate with.

Do you often changed quite important details when stuff doesnt go your way?

Tilltheendoftheline · 29/09/2019 20:17

And even if he said have a lovely evening, he might have thought you were going to chill out before bed.

CleopatraTomato · 29/09/2019 20:18

But do you want to see him or not? You seem to think he is a horrible little creep. You have given no indication to him that you want to see him again. You rebuffed him when he was kissing you. (Did you say anything to imply that it was a bit soon but you liked him? Or that you didn't want to ask him in but would be happy to see him again? Or did you push him away and make it clear that he'd misread it?0

It seems as if you liked the fact that he fancied you but didn't really fancy him. He has accepted that and been polite and now you are miffed because he isn't chasing you?

MereDintofPandiculation · 29/09/2019 20:22

I'd have read the exchange as follows:

He said it was lovely to meet me and he hoped I had a lovely evening He'd hoped I'd enjoyed the time with him (you can't expect accurate use of tenses in a text) I wrote back that it was good to meet him, too. No you didn't enjoy the time with him (because you carefully responded only to the first half of his text).

So not at all surprising he maintained his dignity and replied "Take care!"

Karwomannghia · 29/09/2019 20:26

Really if you do fancy him or might do or whatever, you need to give a little more away, he’s really said a lot and you are coming across as not interested in which case take care is fine. I don’t actually understand what you want from him.

Original poster
UnaCorda · 29/09/2019 20:27

Do you often changed quite important details when stuff doesnt go your way?

Pardon? I just changed it from reported speech to direct speech.

I wrote, "He said it was lovely to meet me and he hoped I had a lovely evening". He actually said, verbatim, "Lovely to meet you by the way. Have a lovely evening."

Don't think I've changed anything significant?

OP posts:
Mimithemouse · 29/09/2019 20:29

You know (some) men when they are horny will do and say anything to get sex? Then when they get what they want, or dont get it, they lose interest immediately. Or they may contact you again out of the blue to try their luck. The decent ones who are actually interested in you as a person will not behave this way.

mum11970 · 29/09/2019 20:30

Can see absolutely nothing to be insulted about. Is nothing ever taken to mean exactly what it says anymore?

Original poster
UnaCorda · 29/09/2019 20:32

It seems as if you liked the fact that he fancied you but didn't really fancy him. He has accepted that and been polite and now you are miffed because he isn't chasing you?

There may be some truth in this, but he didn't really give me a chance to decide how I felt.

OP posts: