Should I feel insulted?

[UnaCorda]

Went to a friend's party last night. At some point later in the evening it became apparent one of the guests was interested in me (started being very touchy-feely). He insisted on walking me home; when we got there he kissed me (until I told him to stop) and was clearly angling after coming inside, although I didn't let him. I was a bit concerned he wasn't going to be easy to get rid of, as he seemed quite determined he was going to get what he wanted. Told me I was amazing.

Received a message from him this morning basically saying, "see ya" - clearly he has no intention of contacting me again and was only after a shag.

Even though I don't have feelings for him I feel quite upset that he was clearly planning to sleep with me and then dump me in the morning - am I overreacting? For context, I have been single for a long time and had some shit experiences with men, including them not hearing "no"; this is no doubt influencing how I feel.

I think you are misreading this?

**"Take care" is far more polite than "see ya".

He wanted a one night stand. You didn't. He doesn't want to pursue anything else. Nothing to get upset about.**

^This. OP is completely overreacting

I don't get why you're determined to feel insulted. You both(?) enjoyed some flirting, he wanted a ONS, you didn't, so a ONS didn't happen.

I'm not determined - that's partly why I asked the question. I may well be BU.

Message seems fine to me also.

He was up for sex & you weren't.

You might have seen each other again if it had happened, you might not.

Not sure that his message indicates that he was only after a ons.

He didn't personally insult you from what I can see.

I get what you mean OP, he's basically saying you're good enough for a drunk shag when he's horny but not good enough to want to get to know or take out on a date. And it is horrible.

Or perhaps he sensed that the OP wasn't that interested and decided it was better not to keep on at her?

Sorry, having re-read the op you are asking if you are being unreasonable to be upset that he only wanted a ons. On that I’d say yabu because there’s nothing wrong with someone just wanted a ons. If he was forceful he shouldn’t have been. If you are kissing could you not just break away rather than having to tell him to stop. If breaking away didn’t get the message across and he still kept kissing you then that’s wrong.

You didn't have a one night stand with him and he sent you a message -

This is not an indication that he doesn't want to see you again - if he didn't he would not send you a message at all.

More likely that he hoped you might respond about seeing him in the future. I think you have misread it - but if you are not interested then it doesn't matter anyway.

I get what you mean OP, he's basically saying you're good enough for a drunk shag when he's horny but not good enough to want to get to know or take out on a date. And it is horrible.

This is exactly what I meant. I'm fed up with men behaving like this. (And, if it makes a difference, I'm in my 40s.)

Yabu. He fancied you, your rebuffed him, he took the hint and said take care. Did you want him to keep pursuing you after you’d made it clear you weren’t interested?
It may have been a ons it could have ended up being more. I really don’t understand what you’re insulted about.

I dont think theres anything wrong with him 'only looking for one thing'

He wanted a one night stand clearly, thought you might be open to it, you weren't, he went home.

It was nothing more than that, i think you're looking into it as waay more than it was.

Or did your message imply you would like to see him again?

I completely get where you are coming from OP. Him seeing you are a potential ONS therefore implies that he thinks you are "easy" and "promiscuous".

HOWEVER how people view others is a reflection on THEM not those they are somehow "judging". He's no doubt got away with his "technique" on other occasions and probably fancies himself able to get any woman he tries his moves on. The fact that you were not interested in a ONS has got his back up because a) he didn't get what he wanted b) you've obviously not that in to him.

Anyways - what I'm getting at is that you should not be insulted and he's an idiot who is not worth a second thought. Block him. He's not worth any head space whatsoever.

I wouldn't feel insulted. He's clearly feeling sore with a bruised ego this morning because you dared turn him down. Be thankful you dodged a bullet with such a petty, simple man. I wouldn't bother replying because he's only after a reaction at this point. What a loser.

Yeah what did you message him back this morning?

YABU, i can't see what he's done wrong. I actually thought he messaged you " see ya " aswell

I know where you're coming from, OP. I've been single for over a decade too and it irritates me on the rare occasion I meet a man but they're not really interested. Where are all the men? And how do other women get into relationships so easily?

Yabu. He fancied you, your rebuffed him, he took the hint and said take care. Did you want him to keep pursuing you after you’d made it clear you weren’t interested?

We'd only just met. There are other ways to show an interest in someone without trying to get them into bed straight away.

I wasn't entirely sure how I felt. I didn't want to sleep with him that night, but that didn't mean I would have been up for meeting again and getting to know each other.

"I wouldn't feel insulted. He's clearly feeling sore with a bruised ego this morning because you dared turn him down. Be thankful you dodged a bullet with such a petty, simple man. I wouldn't bother replying because he's only after a reaction at this point. What a loser"

Think you're talking abit of Billy bollocks there

I get what you mean OP, he's basically saying you're good enough for a drunk shag when he's horny but not good enough to want to get to know or take out on a date. And it is horrible

Hang on. When I was single and didnt want a relationship, I met a few men that I wanted to sleep with. Wasnt a judgment on them.

Do you think women are insulting if they just want to have sex with a man, but not tie themseleves to dating them.

Besides which, he didnt say 'see ya'.

She turned him down. He sent a message she sent a fairly neutral one back. He returned a neutral message.

OP is making this into something that it isnt.

I know where you're coming from, OP. I've been single for over a decade too and it irritates me on the rare occasion I meet a man but they're not really interested. Where are all the men? And how do other women get into relationships so easily?

Fuck knows. In the time I've been single I've had several friends split up, get divorced, meet a new partner, get engaged and get married again. I can't even get someone to take me on a sodding date.

I don’t understand how you can get to your forties and be offended at a man ‘only wanting one thing.’ You must have led a sheltered life to give this even a second thought. Anyway, you’ve lost nothing. He tried it on because he wanted a shag, you said no. He sent a pissy little message because he was miffed. You can walk away laughing.

Fuck knows. In the time I've been single I've had several friends split up, get divorced, meet a new partner, get engaged and get married again. I can't even get someone to take me on a sodding date.

Absolutely this. My best friend split up with a man she was living with this time last year. She met someone else 3 months later and is now living with him. It happens this way often to many of my friends, yet I never get so much as chatted up. I might start a thread about it.

Don’t message him again. My moneys on him asking you out next weekend if you don’t....

He fancied you
Said you were amazing
Took no for an answer
Messaged that it was lovely to meet you
Messaged you to take care

What an utter bastard

What I'm insulted about, perhaps unjustifiably, is that he pursued me quite forcefully for sex but had absolutely no interest in me beyond that.

I think it's hard to tell exactly what's going on.

If, as you say, you weren't really interested then surely he has sobered up and realised he came on too strong. It would be weird for him to pursue you in that situation and normal for him to be embarrassed.

A lot of posters jumping to conclusions here

OP said he messaged when he got home, she then messaged this morning ( which we do not know what she sent)and he replied "take care"

So how has he sent a "pissy" message? How does that prove he's a "petty, simple man" etc etc.

We don't know what she said?!