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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should I feel insulted?

182 replies

UnaCorda · 29/09/2019 18:05

Went to a friend's party last night. At some point later in the evening it became apparent one of the guests was interested in me (started being very touchy-feely). He insisted on walking me home; when we got there he kissed me (until I told him to stop) and was clearly angling after coming inside, although I didn't let him. I was a bit concerned he wasn't going to be easy to get rid of, as he seemed quite determined he was going to get what he wanted. Told me I was amazing.

Received a message from him this morning basically saying, "see ya" - clearly he has no intention of contacting me again and was only after a shag.

Even though I don't have feelings for him I feel quite upset that he was clearly planning to sleep with me and then dump me in the morning - am I overreacting? For context, I have been single for a long time and had some shit experiences with men, including them not hearing "no"; this is no doubt influencing how I feel.

OP posts:
Coffeeandchocolate9 · 29/09/2019 18:36

Did you fancy him or not Confused he insisted on walking you home (did you want him to or not?) and kissed you until you said stop (did you want to kiss?) ... the way it looks to me I'm concerned that you don't have good enough boundaries at either of these two points, but if you wanted him to then fair enough.

I don't think his message is anything other than nice to be honest.

Rachelover60 · 29/09/2019 18:36

Don't reply. He's a creep and a chancer.

Original poster
UnaCorda · 29/09/2019 18:41

I wonder why he messaged you?

The first message was just after he parted when he was drunk and, presumably, horny. The second and final one was literally two words and I assume was to create an appearance of decency - rather than ignoring me - as we have a mutual friend.

OP posts:
Rachelle11 · 29/09/2019 18:45

To be honest his message seems fine to me. You aren't interested in him and that's fine. I don't know why you are insulted?

PillowLid · 29/09/2019 18:45

Why are you so invested in this?

Original poster
UnaCorda · 29/09/2019 18:51

Did you fancy him or not he insisted on walking you home (did you want him to or not?) and kissed you until you said stop (did you want to kiss?) ... the way it looks to me I'm concerned that you don't have good enough boundaries at either of these two points, but if you wanted him to then fair enough.

Tbh he made it very difficult to say no either to his walking me home or kissing me. I'm not sure whether I wanted to - I hadn't really decided. You could well be right about the boundaries.

I don't think his message is anything other than nice to be honest.

It's not about the message! It's the fact he was all over me last night, but clearly only wanted one thing. The message only highlighted that he wasn't planning to keep in touch.

OP posts:
Original poster
UnaCorda · 29/09/2019 18:53

Why are you so invested in this?

Because it's the first time in years anyone has shown any interest.

OP posts:
Tilltheendoftheline · 29/09/2019 18:53

I would say take care to someone l liked but not overly familiar with.

It's certainly wouldnt mean 'see ya'.

I think you are over reacting to that message.

Drabarni · 29/09/2019 18:54

i suppose you'll feel how you want to, I'm not sure I know how you should feel.

Original poster
UnaCorda · 29/09/2019 18:58

I've obviously not been clear. It's not the words of the message per se, it's the implication that this is the last I'll hear of him. What I'm insulted about, perhaps unjustifiably, is that he pursued me quite forcefully for sex but had absolutely no interest in me beyond that.

OP posts:
81Byerley · 29/09/2019 19:00

"Not if I see you first" Then block.

Drogosnextwife · 29/09/2019 19:00

Well at least you didn't sleep with him.

I would be tempted to text back and say "wouldn't wanna be ya loser 😂😂", but that would be childish 😉

onemorerose · 29/09/2019 19:01

I don’t think take care is anywhere near the same as a see ya. With this update I don’t think he’s done anything out of order. Are you interested in him? If not leave it but if you are you could always reply with “I always do” and a cheeky emoji or something like that?

mum11970 · 29/09/2019 19:03

So did he message ‘see ya’ or ‘take care’? I’m confused.

onemorerose · 29/09/2019 19:05

I just don’t think that it necessarily means that it is the last you’ll hear from him. He didn’t have to message you when he got home either, I’m wondering why he would bother when you’d already declined sex. Are you interested in him?

Tilltheendoftheline · 29/09/2019 19:06

I've obviously not been clear. It's not the words of the message per se, it's the implication that this is the last I'll hear of him

You have been clear. Its 2 words written down. You have decided the implication. Some people feel it implies something differently

It also appears that, actually, you are put out that he isnt falling all over himself to pursue you. You say you arent really interested. So why does it matter if he is the first person to be interested for a while?

Popuppippa · 29/09/2019 19:06

Lucky escape from an obvious idiot. It's good to listen to your gut feeling - you were right.

onemorerose · 29/09/2019 19:07

@mum11970 he said take care

crispysausagerolls · 29/09/2019 19:07

Isn’t “tAke care” Also like “speak soon”

NaviSprite · 29/09/2019 19:07

You never know - from a different perspective maybe he’s embarrassed about acting like an arse the night before and sent the “see ya” in a hopeful sort of way? From my experience (many moons ago now) if he only wanted a bit of fun and pegged you as the one to try and have it with he may not have sent a message at all, easier to claim drunken amnesia if you ever run into each other again IYSWIM.

No way for us to know his intentions really but if you’re completely uninterested in him then I’d just get on with my day.

Coffeeandchocolate9 · 29/09/2019 19:08

Lots of men and women would be happy to have a one night stand. Equally lots wouldn't. Both are fine.

I don't get why you're determined to feel insulted. You both(?) enjoyed some flirting, he wanted a ONS, you didn't, so a ONS didn't happen.

onemorerose · 29/09/2019 19:08

Take care is definitely not an obvious see ya. If you were interested you could easily follow this up with one more message without looking desperate.

SparklyMagpie · 29/09/2019 19:10

So he forcefully walked you home and kissed you until you said no? And now you're annoyed

Confused
Drogosnextwife · 29/09/2019 19:11

OK I though you meant he literally text "see ya", what he sent was actually quite nice. I don't see the problem!

Mimithemouse · 29/09/2019 19:12

I get what you mean OP, he's basically saying you're good enough for a drunk shag when he's horny but not good enough to want to get to know or take out on a date. And it is horrible.