Can't forget this comment

[Dcle]

Grateful for any practical advice. Out walking yesterday with husband and our 3 year old.

2 girls with 3 large dogs and 3 children were walking towards us. The 3 dogs jumping all over our daughter who was crying with fright. We called to the girls "please can you get them off, get them on lead" Cross exchange of words followed where they said "dogs were just trying to see why she was upset" and we said they needed to keep them under control.

As we walked away (carrying terrified wailing daughter) one of the girls shouted to my husband "you want to get your dog on a lead, have you seen the face on that" - pointing to me

I'm not attractive, know that, always have done - but I'm happy, loved, loving and good at my job etc so I've just got on with my life and tried not to think about it. But they've got into my head and now I feel crushed.

Has anyone got practical tips for moving on from this sort of stuff? Now I'm thinking God am I just ignorant of this and really need to get myself sorted out. My DH and I haven't discussed it, we both I think pretending we didn't hear it.

People are just nasty sometimes
It's difficult but try not to take it to heart. She would have shouted something whatever you looked like because she was rude. Try to forget about it.

I'm not attractive, know that, always have done

I can promise you they would have said that no matter what you looked like.

I’ve had that sort of comment quite a few times when I was younger and I was fairly conventionally attractive.

It’s a horrible misogynistic comment and it’s not based on you personally. It’s just a shit hurtful thing to say.

That is horrible, what a nasty thing to say. I would try to forget about it, it was just something rude for her to say. What did your husband say?

Thanks so much for the love and support. My husband and I didn't mention it. I think both pretending to each other we didn't hear, plus sorting my poor crying daughter who'd been scared by the dogs. But he's been fab ever since so I suspect he knows how hurt I am just doesn't want to go there. Thanks again for responding x

I really sympathise - I’ve had a few comments along these lines over the years and they’ve really stuck with me. All you can do is try to rationalise it and imagine what you’d say to a friend on your position. Also I’d be amazed if someone so horrible has a happy life, you’re the better person.

It doesn't matter what you look like. They were saying it because they knew it'd be upsetting and they took a gamble it would bother you and they had nothing else to shout back. They knew your husband wouldn't care about being called unattractive.

I'm not hideous but not attractive and have spent the last 15 years trying to 'train myself' to focus on the positives (like you have in this post) and remember that attractiveness doesn't really mean anything. They just wanted to say something hurtful and the best way is just to pretend you really don't care and then after a while, you really won't.

I'm not pretty, never will be, and I could spend thousands getting a boob lift, braces, get my hair, nails, hair done regularly, get a stylist and deprive myself of cakes to be slim but why would I do all that for validation from others whose opinion doesn't matter. Someone will still call you ugly when they want to hurt you. It wouldn't make you happier.

Most people are sensitive about their appearance or weight in some fashion. They were lashing out at you and would have done even if you were the most beautiful person in the world. They lashes out because they wanted to 'win' the exchange. They were probably slightly embarrassed so just went for a low blow, any low blow.
Comments which hit close to home (in our opinions) are the hardest to shake. When people make fun of my weight or when a shop assistant correctly guessed that the size 12 I was wanting to try in wouldn't fit, it stings!
No practical advice for moving on from these. Comments like these do hurt. So allow yourself to feel a bit hurt, but know that they are obviously those sorts of people who would say whatever they could to win and hurt you. At least you know that you're not that person.

You are attractive, you have a husband and children who love you, that is very attractive to many people. So attractive that your complete package (you, your family etc) probably created jealousy in the other party leading to the bitter comment.

Just remember no one who was happy in themselves would say such a nasty thing. They were trying to bring you down because they could see you had it going on!

I should also say that being ‘conventionally’ attractive or even knowing you are attractive can be unattractive, if that makes sense. I’ve always fancied people who really had no idea that they had that ‘je ne sais quoi’.

Don't forget you have the lovely husband and family and wouldn't they wish to have that!

Anyone being spiteful and shallow says waaaay more about them than you. They were in the wrong and then they deflect that by being mean. Sad.

It's horrible I know - a random nasty comment can just stick in your brain forever.

I'm 60 and I still remember another girl at school tapping me on the bum and saying " that's a big bum " . She probably said that to everyone, but it's still there in my brain, telling me that I'm fat even though I'm a mature woman and supposedly not stressed about my figure any more. These nasty little comments can stick like barbs in our brains, long after the speaker has forgotten us.

Sorry I just re read and see you haven't discussed it. She would have said it no matter what you look like.
I'm overweight. I'm trying to lose some but it's hard. I have lost a noticeable amount recently and I have been feeling great.
Last Sunday I got home from my parents house with my toddler and there were new tenants moving in next door.
The lady who owns the house was outside with them
and called me over to introduce me. The car boot was open and ds potty which is a little toilet style one was in it. She introduced me, looked at the car and said

" oh Lorelei did you get a new toilet? Because I don't think that'll be much good for the size of your arse". the bitch is twice the size I am.

I was mortified as were the neighbors. There was absolute silence til she started waffling again and I just went inside. I know how you feel. It says more about her than you @Dcle it really does.

Sounds like you already have an amazing husband who loves you. So don’t give a second thought what two strangers think about you. They said it to upset you and get a rise.

They would have said it regardless of your appearance, some people are just cruel.

You have a lovely husband and daughter, try not to let it bother you what some random people say, just think how nice your family is and happy you are, they must be unhappy to try and upset others.

Hi OP, I don't actually think they were suggesting you're unattractive, i think the implication was that you were being a bitch (hence needing a lead, you maybe looked cross / had a "bitchy" expression). Obviously still not nice but I work in a secondary school and honestly don't give it another thought- kids call each other and everyone else every name under the sun, especially when they've been told off or think something is unfair. Your husband probably hasn't acknowledged it because there's no point - it's just kids sounding off. Put it from your mind now, there's no need to dwell.

She sounds like a vile ugly person

I’ve never met you or them but to me you’re 100% more attractive than they are 💐

I think PP could be right though and they’re actually calling you a bitch for telling them off rather than because of how you look. I think I’m pretty ugly but don’t think others notice it in the same way.

People are like books (the old fashioned paper kind) - we value a book by what is on the inside. It can have the best cover in the whole world but if the contents are crap then no-one is going to love or treasure it. Your only failing is that you've fallen into the wrong belief that the cover is important. The ignorance and rudeness expressed by the girls you encountered today shows they are not attractive people and they demonstrated that to you in a very short space of time.

@lorelai I am so sorry that was so unkind of them. Am so sorry. Much love to you and well done on all you've done

Thanks everyone, I needed to hear these today xx

They were just immature girls lashing out and they probably used the sort of insult they know would really hurt them to hurt you.

I would be very surprised if you are not attractive - because you are happy, loved, loving, good at your job etc. You know your good points too which is a sign usually of a certain level of confidence which is also an attractive quality. You are also intelligent enough to know these things mean more. Even if you are not conventionally attractive your other attributes can make you far more attractive. You really do have it all going for you.

Try and forget what they said because they were angry and hitting out and bitchy. If it were me I would talk to my DH anyway and tell him how much it hurt. He may want to support you but not know how to raise the subject, knowing how hurt you feel about it.

for you. I'm sure you are a beautiful soul.

Sticks and stones...Look on the bright side they will probably end up working in MacDonalds( sorry if anyone works in MacD!). I once got screamed at 'shut up you big nosed bastard' by a lady with dementia- that's when you really know you have a big nose! Those girls were just trying to hurt.

Sorry if I am wrong here- this is just how I would feel about it-

I would tell my husband I heard and was upset, not so that he could say all the obvious things, but just to demystify the experience. I think talking about something like this can take away its sting. Talking on here helps, but talking to him (for me) would help more!

I am so sorry this happened- very upsetting

I've been called a dog " what's so funny? ... You are, you fk g dog" in an altercation with teenage/pre teen boys .. I'm conventionally attractive. It means nothing really; just a snarky, nasty as possible out down of the sort some young people say to be smart at sex and with no thought.

Incidentally they were from.a pretty rough area .. And I have a feeling those girls were too.
That sort of street "chat" (sparring and verbal.abuse) is more common in rough areas, "posher" teenagers will say things quietly among themselves, snigger etc but never seem to get into outright confrontations like that.

They're silly thoughtless youths without much in their brains trying to be offensive. Forget about it.

Those girls are clearly nasty, selfish and irresponsible people. As others have said, she'd have probably said it whatever your appearance, she knew she was in the wrong and just wanted to get the last word in, causing as much bad feeling as possible because she's a vile person and they get off on that sort of thing.

It's really not worth worrying about her opinion on anything.

I hope you don't dwell on it for long.

What an absolute dick she was ice heard it when younger&im attractive-its nowt to do with it..have frequenty had'get ur b!tch on a leash'& 'sort ur face out' when standing up to my exP boss or for friends on nites out..its just what ar$eholes say..ur standing up to bullies&they like to try &push back bless em😂

• smart arses, not smart at sex!