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AIBU?

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Original poster

Can't forget this comment

148 replies

Dcle · 29/09/2019 06:33

Grateful for any practical advice. Out walking yesterday with husband and our 3 year old.

2 girls with 3 large dogs and 3 children were walking towards us. The 3 dogs jumping all over our daughter who was crying with fright. We called to the girls "please can you get them off, get them on lead" Cross exchange of words followed where they said "dogs were just trying to see why she was upset" and we said they needed to keep them under control.

As we walked away (carrying terrified wailing daughter) one of the girls shouted to my husband "you want to get your dog on a lead, have you seen the face on that" - pointing to me

I'm not attractive, know that, always have done - but I'm happy, loved, loving and good at my job etc so I've just got on with my life and tried not to think about it. But they've got into my head and now I feel crushed.

Has anyone got practical tips for moving on from this sort of stuff? Now I'm thinking God am I just ignorant of this and really need to get myself sorted out. My DH and I haven't discussed it, we both I think pretending we didn't hear it.

OP posts:
sandgrown · 29/09/2019 07:31

Those girls are the sort who don't like being told what to do. They know they were wrong for not controlling the dogs. They were unable to justify their behaviour so they lashed out in the only way they know which is to make personal comments. Speak to your husband about it then put it to the back of your mind .

OlderthenYoungerNow · 29/09/2019 07:34

On a similar topic, but not quite the same, it really gets my goat when a "beautiful" celebrity like Beyonce or whoever gets cheated on and idiots say stuff like "he needs his eyes testing" as if the fact that she is attractive means he shouldn't have cheated on her, or that men will naturally want to sleep with someone who is mror attractive than their partner but she's the -most--attractive so it makes no sense.

Cheating, rude comments, whatever, is not about how attractive you are, it's about the arseholes who hurt you regardless.

IAmALazyArse · 29/09/2019 07:38

OP it has absolutely NOTHING to do with your appearance. You could be Heidi Klum and they would say that. Because everyone knows that everyone has some doubts about their appearance and this type of people just uses it to rattle people.

mrsmuddlepies · 29/09/2019 07:44

But it does hurt! I am a secondary school teacher and teenagers lash out at anybody when they feel bad about something. It is hurtful though.
I wish our society was becoming better about not judging people on looks. However, the Instagram generation seems programmed to judge everyone's appearance and to judge themselves more harshly than others.
You sound so lovely OP. Your husband and children are lucky to have you

TellMeWhoTheVilliansAre · 29/09/2019 07:50

You could have been the world's most beautiful being and she would have still said it. You told her to put her dogs on a lead (justifiably). She retaliated with the equivalent of "I know you are, but what am I?".

It was childish, immature and rude. And says a hell of a lot more about her than you. Ugly personality trait.

Your husband must be attracted to you, otherwise he wouldn't be your kind, attentive husband.

Carthage · 29/09/2019 07:50

I agree with PP, they were just being nasty. Interesting take about the misogyny angle around looks. We really should be aware of how ingrained it is. One of the many reasons I loathe the DM whose articles are 90% based on women's looks. Just reinforces things and the idea that as you get older, you're on the scrap heap as you're no longer as attractive.

OP please talk to your husband. You must be a lovely person if he loves you that much and he also must be attracted to you to have married you.

wardrobe12 · 29/09/2019 07:52

you want to get your dog on a lead, have you seen the face on that" - pointing to me

Seriously I don't get AT ALL that they meant you are ugly.

Imo they meant you looked so cross at what was going on , that getting your dog on a lead in future would avoid the need for you being cross

It makes no sense to infer that they were calling you ugly. They really weren't. You're simply projecting your own insecurities into their words

Also - if I'd seen dogs approaching my LO I'd have picked her up straight away - maybe I'm missing the point here, but I would have got her out of harms way before potential harm reached us

NearlyGranny · 29/09/2019 07:53

I understand why your DH said nothing to those spiteful kids with the out of control dogs; it could have inflamed things further. I can't understand why afterwards, back at home, he didn't pull you into a big, warm hug and tell you they were rude idiots and you are gorgeous.

Could you tell him it's made you feel wobbly and you need reassurance?

lilacviolet · 29/09/2019 07:56

Wardrobe, the OP didnt have a dog Hmm

Happygoldfinch · 29/09/2019 07:56

They were speaking a line from a film - they couldn't even be original in their insulting! You could have been Cara Delevigne and they'd have said the same thing - it's the 'joke' and the bonding over this 'joke' that they were after, I bet.

MsLumley · 29/09/2019 08:01

Oh OP what a horrible experience. When I was in my early 20s I was on a work night out in London. My (bitch) boss got her claws out and really upset me with some comment, I got really upset and started crying, then left to go home. In the queue for a taxi some random bloke came up to me and started singing 'who let the dogs out'. Granted, I wasn't looking my best, but by god that hurt. And I've never forgotten it, 20 years later. When I'm not a snivelling mess I'm fairly ok looking but in my head the world sees me the way that man saw me, a dog. It's amazing the lifetime of hurt people can cause with a throwaway comment that they probably don't even remember making the next day. But in your case you called them out on their wrong behaviour and because they haven't got any decency or integrity, they lashed back out at you with an childish and pathetic insult. Says far more about them than it does about you. People like that are just dicks, fed by a society that places its shallow values on how someone looks rather than the kind of person they are. (You sound lovely, by the way).

Witchinaditch · 29/09/2019 08:02

She said that because you said it about her dog being on a lead she thought she was being clever. I can bet you are no where near as unattractive as you think you are. You sound like a lovely person who has a family who loves them. I know it’s hard as that comment is hurtful but just try not to give it anymore headspace.

Cocoismydog · 29/09/2019 08:06

This comment had nothing to do with how you look. They would have said it to which ever women was with their family.
Vile thing to say but no reflection on you.

You are loved, happy and loving, so you will radiate this. You sound lovely.

EmpressLesbianInChair · 29/09/2019 08:06

Horrible comment from a rude teenager who needs to grow up. It says infinitely more about her than it does about you.

FactorFifty · 29/09/2019 08:08

is more common in rough areas, "posher" teenagers will say things quietly among themselves

Bullshit.

Rudeness is not confined to how 'rough' a teenager's postcode is, how ridiculous.

Sallyseagull · 29/09/2019 08:09

I've heard one of the most beautiful people I know have that insult thrown at them, it's a cruel but common insult that means nothing about you but says a lot about the horrible person who said it.

Be kind to yourself Flowers

Getonboard · 29/09/2019 08:14

In the summer I was out one afternoon wearing a lovely dress. And we walked passed this woman and a man, and the woman said loudly..."She's too fat for that dress"
She obviously wanted me to hear. So I just went...."Oh yeah baby! Shake it!" And did a twerk dance for her. That just made her grumble and swear at me, but she had ended up winding herself up.
She had tried to make herself feel good by trying to bring me down, but it backfired and she ended up the annoyed one!
Please please please don't let other peoples comments on your appearance upset you.
The intention of comments on looks is to hurt you.
What is ugly? It's a horrible heart.

Marlena1 · 29/09/2019 08:15

I was walking out of a pub 2 years ago and a guy with his friend shouted "keep walking". I sat in the car for 10 mins tryna see how bad I looked. One of my biggest regrets is that I didn't have him thrown out (I sing there every week so could have easily) just to embarrass him the way he embarrassed me. I was so upset I couldn't think.

MsLumley · 29/09/2019 08:19

So I just went...."Oh yeah baby! Shake it!" And did a twerk dance for her. That just made her grumble and swear at me, but she had ended up winding herself up.

My MIL gave me a similar tip for dealing with people like this - blow them a kiss. Totally throws them! And you get the last laugh (v satisfying).

Lumene · 29/09/2019 08:27

Did they not just mean your expression- ie you looked really pissed off about it?

Lumene · 29/09/2019 08:28

Grin getonboard

CinnamonMentos · 29/09/2019 08:29

Horrible nasty comments from the girls. They know they should have had the dogs on the lead. The just made the comment because they knew it would make you feel terrible. Low blow.

I always get called fat a lot. If I’ve ever had a confrontation with anyone ( not very often) I’ll always get you fat ...... or shut up you fat ........ When challenged some men about doing wheel spins on road in the middle of the night, they told me to shut up and lose some weight. Once got told to go to the gym. For context, I’m a size 12-14. It’s just an easy, horrible comment to make

MechaNic · 29/09/2019 08:33

You are attractive. I'll bet your DH and DD think the absolute world of you. Remember that.
Those girls probably only have their ugly personalities in common so they stick together terrorising people so they don't have to feel so alone. Misery loves company. Pity them

nettie434 · 29/09/2019 08:36

Whatever our age, gender and talents, comments about our appearance really hurt. The swimmer Rebecca Adlington had surgery to change the shape of her nose because she was so upset about comments made by trolls. This was someone who had won so many medals, including Olympic golds but I think we can all understand why she was so upset.

I’m not even sure that if anybody asked them to describe your appearance a couple of hours later, they would have been able to do
They just said the first thing they knew would be hurtful. It’s even possible that their dogs do this sort of thing quite regularly and this is their stock insult when someone asks them to get their dogs under control.

tolerable · 29/09/2019 08:40

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh... !!!!!!!!!!!! i cant promise it'll work,but I have just cursed gobshite one with recurrent impetigo... There is nothing much uglier than a idiot yelping guttersnipes.
even if you had 4legs and a tail her comment would be outrageous. Dont forget the comment. Anytime you remember it also,please remind yourself you can say " but I'm happy, loved, loving " not many people can say that,far less feel it. Anyway...this is actual fact...
"A person who has good thoughts cannot ever be ugly. You can have a wonky nose and a crooked mouth and a double chin and stick-out teeth, but if you have good thoughts they will shine out of your face like sunbeams and you will always eams and you will always look lovely."