Can't forget this comment

[Dcle]

Grateful for any practical advice. Out walking yesterday with husband and our 3 year old.

2 girls with 3 large dogs and 3 children were walking towards us. The 3 dogs jumping all over our daughter who was crying with fright. We called to the girls "please can you get them off, get them on lead" Cross exchange of words followed where they said "dogs were just trying to see why she was upset" and we said they needed to keep them under control.

As we walked away (carrying terrified wailing daughter) one of the girls shouted to my husband "you want to get your dog on a lead, have you seen the face on that" - pointing to me

I'm not attractive, know that, always have done - but I'm happy, loved, loving and good at my job etc so I've just got on with my life and tried not to think about it. But they've got into my head and now I feel crushed.

Has anyone got practical tips for moving on from this sort of stuff? Now I'm thinking God am I just ignorant of this and really need to get myself sorted out. My DH and I haven't discussed it, we both I think pretending we didn't hear it.

OP

Those girls are ugly on the inside to think it's OK to say something like that to someone else without a thought for their feelings.

I've put on a couple of stone in the last couple of years. Recently someone at work said to me that I was a beautiful woman, and when I lost the weight the beauty would return.

It's depressing because it makes you realise that there are still a lot of people out there who are superficial. But as you said, remember you have a loving husband, children, a good job and a happy life. I doubt the girls that said that to you will have any of those things if they're capable of saying something so horrible to someone else. They'll reap what they sow, don't worry!

I would have said something back. Took a lot of crap in my time and now don't hold it back with nasty people. No regrets afterwards and no thoughts of how to get over it.

What vile people, OP. They are around, unfortunately, but they're unlikely to be loved like you are.

Could part of the embarrassment be also your husband hearing it and you both pretending you didn't? Would you be able to stay to him "I'm still a bit shaken up about yesterday, how dare those scum bags speak to me like that"... and then it's not the elephant in the room?

As others have said, people say things all the time. My husband is a fit fiend and has had 'call that running, fat arse' shouted at him, and a friend had 'trying to look like your dog?' Called out from a passing car.

I look like a scarecrow when walking out dog, by the way - don't know too many people who look their best in a field ❤️❤️

OP this is so not about you.It is not personal.The idiots were cornered and were embarrassed and came out fighting to try to retrieve some face! You being a dignified person could not have responded because you are not used to dealing with such behaviour.Can you imagine what their lives must be like if they have to live and speak like that? Wouldnt want to swap places with them would you? They have nothing what so ever but cheap nasty vulgar words.
You do however need to let it go,put it to bed and move past it,and the reason for this is that they do not deserve a place in your mind,they aren;t good enough to be there and they haven;t earned the right to be in your thoughts either.Please do not let these scroates take up any more of your head space.I can garuantee they arent thinking of you at all.
I am going to tell you how I handle stupid hurtful people ..It is stupid but it works for me.Go get a pen and a piece of paper and write down everything you wished you had said to these awful people.Get it all down on paper and go to town on the meanness factor in your response to them.When you have done that read it back to yourself then take it out into the garden and set it alight.As you drop it to the floor burning you stand back and watch it disappear.When it has reduced to nothing you say to yourself right thats it whats for dinner or time to put the washing in or anything but you purposely move on to doing something.It is a great way to let it out and let it go.Give it a try.Sounds bonkers I know but it works!

Hi, OP.

As previous poster's pointed out, it was said out of anger, naff all to do with your looks.

I remember when my dog playfully chased a lad who was walking in the park (granted, the lad didn't know it was playful, at that point), I got shouted at and called a slut. I had my young child with me and had to make out he'd called me a duck

Again, naff all to do with my sexual exploits.

Feral shitty little kids. They’re not worth your time. My dh would’ve had serious words with them, although I’ve got a mouth on me myself and don’t need defend, but he gets very angry at people verbally abusing anyone.

It’s difficult to let go of this sort of thing, but honestly, they’re not worth your time or headspace, you should honestly feel really sorry for them because they’re sad, horrible, immature idiots.

They sound like horrible people, firstly because decent people would have handled their dogs better and been even a little apologetic about them, to make that comment afterwards is just plain nasty. I have really obvious facial hair, no-one could talk to me and not see it. I have had this since puberty and I just life with it - in fact I think I have come to 'own it' as they say these days!! One absolutley has to accept their appearance in order to be happy - as you clearly have done. This other person is deeply ugly. You are not.

Well I was watching a programme the other day and this guy called a pair of girls “ugly mingers” and they were both very attractive, one in particular I would say close to stunning looking.

Now people say things to be horrible/get a rise/a reaction especially if they are pissed off with said person etc.... so you could have looked like Cheryl Cole and they could have still shouted it. They were annoyed with you telling them (you were right to do so) and that was an easy come back for two immature girls. Xx

Oh they were just vile. Pack them away into the box with "Cunt" on top and not affectionately as in the old "you atrocious cunt" MNet days.

Isn't it sad that we (as a society) place so much value on being aesthetically beautiful and young. That stuff fades for all of us and it is fleeting for the "lucky" few who do meet those standards.

Attractiveness is a different concept entirely in my eyes. Wouldn't society be so much better for us and our children if we focused on the things that you have. To love and be loved, to show commitment, passion, consideration and for us to feel happy.

I can only think they can have all those things or they'd have been able to accept they were in the wrong. It is highly likely that they were either embarrassed because they were called out on not having their dogs under control or they were unhappy in themselves and probably jealous.

It doesn't help you to forget the thoughts of they are intrusive but when they intrude think of everything you have. I hope you stop thinking of it soon

They were vile, and there is no excuse. They have to have heard that phrase thrown around, either at them or at people in their family etc, in order to pick it up and use it. They might think it makes them "grown up and clever" but it makes me sad the adults in their lives treat people like this so the children perpetuate the cycle.

You are amazing. We can all tell. I bet you did look fierce, because you were defending your child - dead right! Feel sorry for their lives, let them fade to zero - they will probably never learn to value what's important in the way you do.

That comment isn't worth a second of your time. Honestly.
They were being nasty.
They'd have made the same comment at Rosie Huntington Whiteley or Naomi Campbell or Cara Delevigne.

There are just using the term dog as it was the first thing that came into their thick heads.
The would have said that no matter what you looked liked. In my teens I used to hear it used as an insult to someone of the best looking girls.
Don't take it personally.

What awful people with ugly, unkind souls!

Nobody is ugly, there is one ugly trait in this life and that is superficial judgement!

Think about it, why would anyone care enough to pass that kind of judgement, it's because she felt shame and so she passed it on to you because she had not the emotional intelligence to process her shame. It's called 'projection'. You don't own the shame she feels, the poor behaviour was hers and she deserved to feel embarrassed for causing your child to be so upset.

Leave the shame and embarrassment with her, where it rightly belongs. Do not take it on, it doesn't belong to you! All you did was care for your dd as any loving mother would.

Some people never grow up. Just be grateful you are not her, I imagine life is a huge struggle when your brain is still 14.

Little assholes... they would have been nasty whatever the situation and I hope their parents are proud of the mouthy little fuckers.

I understand it was hurtful but you are more than just your 'looks'. Your husband, daughter and family love you and that's all that matters.

In the pre-social media days the insult was 'you smell'

It totally was! Had completely forgotten that.

As others said, she knew they were in the wrong so went on the defensive and lashed out to regain some power in the situation - and unfortunately you were in the firing line. Im sorry OP, it must have been very upsetting. But it was very much about her, not you. I’m sure you’re much more attractive than you think, and you have a loving family.

I remember years ago as a teen I was eating a sausage roll in a park and a group of lads started singing ‘who ate all the pies’ as they walked by. With hindsight I know I wasn’t fat at the time and they were just nasty, but it was absolutely devastating at the time and made me think I was a hideous blimp.

I’m sorry she upset you

I wouldn’t move alter my path for some teenage school boys walking four abreast towards me recently, all of them eyeballing me to move.

They had to move but as they passed, one of them screeched ‘prostitute!’

Me in my raincoat, jeans and trainers

They just got my middle finger raised behind my head as I carried walking down my straight path

Op I echo what the others have said, it would have been said no matter what you looked like as a way to cover their wrongdoing. Definitely don't take it to heart, your lovely and loved heart. People can be so bloody stupid. Am dealing with a similar situation where someone who was totally in the wrong and put me in an awful position has taken the approach of calling me all sorts to cover their shame for their part. I pity people who are so immature.

As many others have said, they were just being nasty. They would know that everyone - no matter what they look like - will be upset to be singled out. Don’t let them win and don’t take it personally.

Kids like that often have huge self esteem issues. That's the irony.

It was just done to upset you, I agree with the others who said they would have said it no matter what you look like. I was at the fair once and my children were playing in a soft play thing that was in like a little house with a metal gate round it, a woman put her child in and my dd accidentally knocked her. Well the woman went ballistic! She told me I was so ugly I should be in the cage so everyone can see what an ugly freak I am. It upset me for a while even though I am not unattractive (not meaning to sound big headed) these people just say these things to be nasty and the way you look is an easy target.

OP, they were just trying to upset you. You could have been a super model, they would have still said something dicky like that, because they are just dicks 🤷‍♀️.

@Dcle, people are cruel.

Just remember that attractiveness fades with aging/time, all those other attributes that you mentioned having (being loved, kind, happy, good at your job, etc) will always be true, so I believe that they're the better ones to have.

Doesn't matter how attractive you may be if you're ugly on the inside, and when you're beautiful on the inside then that often shines through (certainly to those that matter).

They'd have said it to anyone, regardless of how they looked.

Some people just have something rotten inside them and can only make themselves feel better for a moment by spilling it out onto everyone around them. It's sad and it's not nice for anyone who crosses paths with them.

Snuggle up with your supportive husband and your beautiful daughter and take comfort in the fact that you have a life that's full of love and that you aren't the sort of unhappy person who spews vitriol at strangers.