to consider keeping this baby

[confusedmumof1]

i am a single mum to an 11 month old. my husband and i only separated about 4 months ago and as a rebound thing i was having casual sex with a guy. i have only known him 6 weeks and i have ended up pregnant. i am 6 weeks gone so i fell pregnant in the first few weeks. i took the morning after pill but it obviously didn’t work. this guy has ghosted me since monday and i have no idea why, today i got the positive test so i messaged him again saying i need to talk to him urgently and could we meet up. he read it but no response so i then took a picture of the test and told him we urgently needed to discuss the situation. he has since blocked my number and all forms of social media so i guess he wants nothing to do with me.

my issue now is whether i continue with the pregnancy and bring a baby into the world and struggle as a single mum with 2 kids under 2 with no help from one of the dads. i feel like the sensible thing to do is have a termination, i know nothing about this guy and i’m unsure if i would even cope on my own. but i’m struggling emotionally with the fact i have a baby that is half mine growing in me. the beginning of last year i was told i wouldn't be able to naturally conceive and now it’s like i’ve been sent two miracles and this might be my last chance to have another baby. i have an appointment booked at the abortion clinic on monday but i’m really so torn.

I'd terminate
For my future and the future of my existing child

@confusedmumof1 it sounds absolutely heartbreaking what you're going through. I truly hope that speaking to the councilor helps you. Sending to you 😊😊

If you don’t want to terminate why not put the baby up for adoption?

I'm glad you will have a chance to talk to a counsellor.

Thinking of you.

I think unless I was 100% sure I wanted to terminate then I couldn’t do so. There is no in between stance sadly.

You really dont seem too sure about having a termination, which is why I think you should make no final decision until you are 100% sure. Once you've had a termination, there is no going back. Whatever decision you make, you are going to have to live with it for the rest of your life, so make sure that it is the one that you really want.

Whatever decision you make, stay away from googling and social media and wait for your chat with the counsellor. There is no point torturing yourself.

How did today go, come back and talk to us if you wish to @confusedmumof1

@Italiangreyhound i couldnt Go through with it as I’m still so unsure. I was Doing fine until they scanned me and she told me the size of the ‘baby’ and then it all came flooding back from when i was Pregnant with my son. I need Some more time to decide. I’m booked in again next week so i have A week to really think about it. Thank you for asking

Don't believe those 'picture of a 7/9 week fetus' posters. I saw one with Stella McCready (as she has been targeted).
No idea what the anti-abortion pic was of really, but it showed a fully developed baby. At 9 weeks, they look more like a strange tadpole shaped alien. it is about the size of a blueberry.
Don't let people sway your decision with emotive tales.

I’ve been reading this since you posted but yet to comment. There is absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to keep this baby and the impression I strongly get is this is what you want to do. To hell with what anyone else wants/thinks. You are the one who has to live with it if you do regret doing it. Yes you may well have hard times with 2 on your own but this will pass and you will have the good times that make up for this like in any situation. I could ramble on but you know what I am saying X

Sorry but they look more like a tadpole at 5 weeks, not 9 weeks. I had a scan at 9 weeks and my baby had arms & legs. From 5 weeks they have black dots where eyes are. I'm currently pregnant and I have a pregnancy app on my phone which is how I know this.

I don't like pro-lifer shit and I am not anti abortion but nor do I like factually incorrect information being given out to people making an important decision.

OP I think you want I keep your pregnancy. You know that is absolutely a valid decision and you shouldn’t feel any guilt about feeling that or doing it. Not all decisions made with the head are the right ones. I’m glad you’re taking the time you need. Trust your own instinct on what you want to do. And don’t feel you have to update this thread with your decision whatever it is.

OP I can't tell you what to do, but I am sorry you find yourself in this situation. I totally understand the need to feel wanted and to be appreciated. It's not just easy to get swept up in that and carried away after a breakup - it can be a relief not to think. I was pretty freaked out when I thought about the chances I took afterwards, and I am normally a very considered, careful person. Don't judge yourself too harshly for what led to this - it doesn't help and it doesn't change anything anyway.

As for being 100% sure. I don't think it's all that unusual not to be 100% sure either way. You are trying to second guess the future, after all, how could you ever know for sure what is going to happen?

All you can do is make the best decision for the situation that you find yourself in, knowing either way is not an easy choice (from what you have said). Be kind to yourself. Take the time to speak to whoever you can. Even so you may have doubts both before and after you make your decision. Or you may eventually come to feel completely certain you are doing the right thing for you. But please remember that neither decision and neither state of mind is a reflection on your worth as a person or as a mother.

This is a difficult, highly emotional decision. I hope you can access all the support you need

@confusedmumof1 Can you Use this week to explore your feelings more and look at the practical side more? Find out what you are/might be entitled to etc. Financial wise.

You absolutely do not need to update us on any decision.but by the same token you absolutely can if you wish to.

If you want to keep baby go ahead, if not, your choice.

Hard choice but think of the practicalities (can you support 2 children as a single mum) & think of your existing DC. You can see the way I lean, but 2 under 2 is so tough especially as a single mum.

The difficulty with the idea of 'think of your existing child' is that putting another child into the mix will almost always temporarily inconvenience an existing child. My birth child really wanted s sibling but when we adopted she was very jealous of our new son!

She has grown to love him and I am happy to have two. Of course with adoption it is very much planned!

But planned or unplanned I would say the biggest wiestoods are Do you want this baby? Can you cope? Can you thrive?

Your younger child will almost certainly impact the older one negatively and positively. All kids do. IMHO.

Please get some impartial counselling to help you uncover your true wishes and abilities.

OP you are the only one on this thread who counts!

I mean your thoughts are the only ones that really count for you!

'wiestoods' = questions!