Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to consider keeping this baby

169 replies

confusedmumof1 · 28/09/2019 21:24

i am a single mum to an 11 month old. my husband and i only separated about 4 months ago and as a rebound thing i was having casual sex with a guy. i have only known him 6 weeks and i have ended up pregnant. i am 6 weeks gone so i fell pregnant in the first few weeks. i took the morning after pill but it obviously didn’t work. this guy has ghosted me since monday and i have no idea why, today i got the positive test so i messaged him again saying i need to talk to him urgently and could we meet up. he read it but no response so i then took a picture of the test and told him we urgently needed to discuss the situation. he has since blocked my number and all forms of social media so i guess he wants nothing to do with me.

my issue now is whether i continue with the pregnancy and bring a baby into the world and struggle as a single mum with 2 kids under 2 with no help from one of the dads. i feel like the sensible thing to do is have a termination, i know nothing about this guy and i’m unsure if i would even cope on my own. but i’m struggling emotionally with the fact i have a baby that is half mine growing in me. the beginning of last year i was told i wouldn't be able to naturally conceive and now it’s like i’ve been sent two miracles and this might be my last chance to have another baby. i have an appointment booked at the abortion clinic on monday but i’m really so torn.

OP posts:
GrouchoMrx · 28/09/2019 23:04

The tough bit will be having two kids, one will have a father involved, presents, days out, while the other won't. These kids will be very close in age.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 28/09/2019 23:05

One thing i will say terminations are the hardest things in the world to go through

No. This isn’t a fact. That’s personal experience. Not everyone experiences it the same way.

WorraLiberty · 28/09/2019 23:06

i feel like i know the sensible thing is to have a termination but i feel like it’s for selfish reasons

Whatever you decide to do will be for 'selfish' reasons, whether you terminate or continue with the pregnancy.

Moomin8 · 28/09/2019 23:08

Yes but @JoxerGoesToStuttgart that doesn't mean him interfering in the OP's life whether she likes it or not. No court in the land is going to give a father 50/50 residence of a newborn. The law simply doesn't work that way. Young children need to be primarily with their mothers. That's what the research shows.

KellyHall · 28/09/2019 23:08

It's your decision.

When I had a termination, I knew it was the best thing for me AND the "baby". I was single and living in temporary accommodation with a very low income. Several years later I'm now happily married with a 2.5 year old and no regrets.

But it has to be what you believe is best for you, your existing dc and the potential dc.

Happymum12345 · 28/09/2019 23:10

I would keep the baby. I had a baby after the morning after pill didn’t work & the baby has changed everything-dd was my 3rd. I found 2 babies no more challenging than 1. 2 little babies are hard work to start with, but will soon grow. All the very best to you.

letsdolunch321 · 28/09/2019 23:11

I would terminate, you may find another partner who will stick around.

Good luck in your decision.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 28/09/2019 23:11

No court in the land is going to give a father 50/50 residence of a newborn. The law simply doesn't work that way.

Confused who said anything about 50/50? You said contact, and a relationship.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 28/09/2019 23:12

that doesn't mean him interfering in the OP's life whether she likes it or not.

If she has his child of course he could.

OneToughMudderFudder · 28/09/2019 23:13

Only you can decide obviously but in your position I would take the decision that is going to be in the best interests of the child you already have. Your first responsibility is to them and comes before sentimentality towards a ball of cells (as it currently is).

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 28/09/2019 23:13

I wouldn’t go ahead either and would also be getting checked for STIs if having unprotected sex.

You know next to nothing about him and he would get access should he choose to be involved at some point.

If he doesn’t you’re going to have one child seeing dad and extended family, going on holiday, getting gifts etc whilst the other one won’t.

Finances alone would put me off, if your salary isn’t already covering the existing child then realistically can you work more to cover two?

WorraLiberty · 28/09/2019 23:14

I'm astonished at the number of quite young women on MN who are told they can never conceive naturally and then magically wind up pregnant multiple times.

Me too actually.

OP, you haven't 'been sent two miracles'.

You were given a misdiagnosis.

notangelinajolie · 28/09/2019 23:15

I think you will keep it. If it were me, I'd terminate.

HeadLikeAFuckinOrange · 28/09/2019 23:16

One thing i will say terminations are the hardest things in the world to go through

Not true universally. It was the best decision for me I ever made at 17. I regret nothing.

Babyg1995 · 28/09/2019 23:17

Op I was in your exact situation I even went to the clinic but I walked out I just couldn't go through with it and I'm thankful every day I made that decision my two are now 9&11 I will admit it was hard at times but routine is the key.
I absolutely love my boys I wish alot of the time I could turn the clock back to when they were small again now it's all computer games and football Smile
I'm now married to a wonderful man and I'm pregnant with dc3 i do feel alot calmer and secure with this pregnancy having that support this time. It's totally your choice what you decide but I think by the way you are thinking now you would regret having an abortion good luck whatever you decide.

TeachesOfPeaches · 28/09/2019 23:19

I think the biggest struggle would be the inequality of one child having a dad and extended family and the other one not whilst be so close in age. For that reason I would terminate.

TheCatsACunt · 28/09/2019 23:19

He sounds like a prick.

Having the baby would mean tying him to you, your existing child, and the new baby to him for years. That would really put me off continuing with the pregnancy.

C0untDucku1a · 28/09/2019 23:19

You dont know anything about him. He doesnt want anything to do with you and hasnt responded about the pregnancy. This might be a blessing.

TimeForNewStart · 28/09/2019 23:20

terminations are the hardest things in the world to go through

Bollocks!

Thehbomb · 28/09/2019 23:20

What was initial feeling when you saw the positive test ? Happy ?
If so you may regret a termination
If not then it’s a big decision but it may be right in the circumstances
You clearly have good support network with family, go with what you feel is right and what you want x

HeadLikeAFuckinOrange · 28/09/2019 23:20

I am very sorry you're in this position. You need to remember that two babies would be massively different to the one that you have.
There is nothing selfish about protecting you and your DC here, by making a choice so early on, if that's how you feel.

Wishing you well OP.

C0untDucku1a · 28/09/2019 23:20

I meant him not wanting to
Be involved might make raising the child easier.

LoreleiRock · 28/09/2019 23:25

terminations are the hardest things in the world to go through
Statements like this make me so fucking angry, you know it’s not true. Think about all the things worse than a termination, like, I don’t know, child abuse, domestic violence, extreme poverty. Etc. Etc. Don’t be a twat.

JasBBGG · 28/09/2019 23:27

Will it affect your divorce? I.e will your ex husband get more shitty and want to pay less/want the house?

Littlemeadow123 · 28/09/2019 23:28

I wouldnt terminate. I dont think I could live with the guilt afterwards.