Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to consider keeping this baby

169 replies

confusedmumof1 · 28/09/2019 21:24

i am a single mum to an 11 month old. my husband and i only separated about 4 months ago and as a rebound thing i was having casual sex with a guy. i have only known him 6 weeks and i have ended up pregnant. i am 6 weeks gone so i fell pregnant in the first few weeks. i took the morning after pill but it obviously didn’t work. this guy has ghosted me since monday and i have no idea why, today i got the positive test so i messaged him again saying i need to talk to him urgently and could we meet up. he read it but no response so i then took a picture of the test and told him we urgently needed to discuss the situation. he has since blocked my number and all forms of social media so i guess he wants nothing to do with me.

my issue now is whether i continue with the pregnancy and bring a baby into the world and struggle as a single mum with 2 kids under 2 with no help from one of the dads. i feel like the sensible thing to do is have a termination, i know nothing about this guy and i’m unsure if i would even cope on my own. but i’m struggling emotionally with the fact i have a baby that is half mine growing in me. the beginning of last year i was told i wouldn't be able to naturally conceive and now it’s like i’ve been sent two miracles and this might be my last chance to have another baby. i have an appointment booked at the abortion clinic on monday but i’m really so torn.

OP posts:
HouseworkAvoider10 · 29/09/2019 06:46

I would terminate, no hesitation.

Oysterbabe · 29/09/2019 07:07

I would terminate too but what I would do doesn't really matter, you obviously don't want to.

AlpacaGoodnight · 29/09/2019 08:27

It sounds like you would really regret a termination.

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 29/09/2019 08:50

Having a termination in these circumstances is selfless, not selfish. Your duty is to your existing child. Adding another baby into the mix with a dad that’s not interested sounds like an awful lot of work.

Original poster
confusedmumof1 · 29/09/2019 11:54

thank you all for your comments and for not being judgemental. i have woken up today thinking a little clearer and i am more certain that a termination is the best option. i’m sad about it but i know it’s the best thing to do. i just want it over with asap, it feels worse today as morning sickness has kicked in so it’s a constant reminder of what is happening. but i’m struggling today with my son whilst feeling rough and it’s been an eye opener of how hard it will be when i have two.

OP posts:
MissPepper8 · 29/09/2019 11:59

Glad you've come to a decision that's right for you op, make sure you get all the support you need Flowers

Wheelson · 29/09/2019 14:18

Good luck Thanks

Isadora2007 · 29/09/2019 17:01

I have to say it’s sad as you sounded to me like you were more leaning to keeping your baby- speaking of miracles etc. But I do wish you all the best either way Flowers

pinkyredrose · 29/09/2019 17:14

Why didn't you use a condom?

BarbariansMum · 29/09/2019 17:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

pinkyredrose · 29/09/2019 17:40

@BarbariansMum what a fucking disgusting thing to say!!!!!ShockAngry how dare you.

Btw it's well. known that condoms prevent pregnancy and Sti's, it's foolish to risk these things when they can be easily avoided.

Original poster
confusedmumof1 · 29/09/2019 17:48

@pinkyredrose. you are completely right. honestly i feel like an idiot, i got swept up in the moment of it. not an excuse but i had someone showing me a bit of attention and i got carried away. i feel like an idiot for getting myself in this situation at 29 years old.

OP posts:
Original poster
confusedmumof1 · 29/09/2019 17:49

@Isadora2007 i am sad about it and i know i’m going to find it really hard. but i think i’d struggle even more if i kept it.

OP posts:
MissPepper8 · 29/09/2019 18:45

Btw it's well. known that condoms prevent pregnancy and Sti's, it's foolish to risk these things when they can be easily avoided

Condoms do not prevent Sti, it just reduces the risk of catch sti so you are incorrect. There is also a chance the condom might split.

I think op realises she should of used one but she didn't, it's a bit pointless telling her that now.

Isadora2007 · 29/09/2019 18:49

@confusedmumof1
Just dont rush into it if you’re not 100% sure... is there someone you can speak to or could you ask for some pre-termination counselling? Just to help you really get what you want rather than feeling the influence of what others think you should do it that you even feel you should do. Flowers

Isadora2007 · 29/09/2019 18:50

And please ignore @pinkyredrose as she is clearly a superior human being who doesn’t ever make mistakes 🙄

Or indeed an insensitive arsehole

standupandsmilenow · 29/09/2019 18:58

I had a similar issue with my current dp, my ds was only a few months old, I told the gp I needed the pill but was told to wait for the 8 week check ( which had been delayed for weeks) the condom got stuck, had the morning after still got pregnant.
For a whole heap of reason I decided a termination was the best option, mainly it was unfair for my lo to have to lose so much of my attention so soon.
My dp supported me he didn't really like the idea.
I got really depressed on my due date, didn't even realise that why I was so upset until my dp worked it out but generally it's the better option.

It's not selfish it's just a part of life. Life is hard enough and people can offer support but it's you up with them and it's you there juggling two children.
My ds is 19 months now, and with all the sickness and teething etc I'm happy I decided what I did even though I do still feel hurt and guilty.

BlackNoir · 29/09/2019 18:58

Feeling sad at the whole situation and your decision to terminate is normal. It doesn't mean that your decision is the wrong one for you.

Make sure you still get that support offered by your family to get you through all of this.

JoxerGoesToStuttgart · 29/09/2019 19:00

You’ve got some time to mull things over OP so do take that time. You are the person who has to live with the decision so make sure it’s the right one for you. It may feel like there is no right decision here. And that may be the case. But you should be as comfortable as possible with your choice.

SecretWitch · 29/09/2019 19:00

You make the best decision you are able to based on the facts you have. Being a mother means you must decide what is best all around for your existing child and your foetus.

I’m sending hugs to you, op. I’ve been in your place💐

pinkyredrose · 29/09/2019 19:07

Isadora2007 ? I don't understand why you're having a go at me. People get told about condoms in school ffs.

Hope you're ok OP.

tigger001 · 29/09/2019 19:12

Only you really know if you could cope. I would obviously listen to others stories but remember that is not necessarily going to be your story, it's a possibility but not a given.

I personally couldn't terminate now after having my son and seeing the joy he brings, it's made me realise how strong and resilient I am, but only you know what you can deal with in terms of the guilt of the termination or coping with 2 under 2s.

It's a tough dilemma that, sadly, only you can decide upon. You sound like you have a lovely mum and sister.

Good luck and take your time over the decision,

Isadora2007 · 29/09/2019 19:28

@pinkyredrose because she clearly doesn’t need to be asked why she didn’t use a condom on this thread.

NaviSprite · 29/09/2019 19:33

Ah OP right now must be so hard for you and you have the sympathies of this internet stranger.

I can’t tell you what is right, nobody else really can. But when faced with a situation where I had to decide between keeping a pregnancy or terminating I was in such an emotional flux that I was certain I should carry on one moment to certain I should terminate in the next moment.

I sat down when my twins were in bed and I had some quiet to really envision life with 3 under 5, with the good and the bad another baby would bring into the mix - especially as my twins weren’t yet 1 when I discovered I was pregnant again.

I decided to keep baby 3 after a lot (and I mean a LOT) of soul searching; what impact would baby 3 have on my twins, on me, on finances and on my relationship with DH (who didn’t want to go ahead).

In the end I looked at the online material for terminations, as soon as I started to read I felt sick and couldn’t stop crying, that’s when I knew that come hell or high water, I personally couldn’t terminate. Unfortunately baby 3 wasn’t meant to be, but I spent a lot of time being “logical” and considering each and every part of my life at that point and theorised how I might make baby 3 fit with that. In the end my emotions let me know for sure what decision was right for me.

Don’t rush yourself into a decision and either way, you are not being selfish, just remain as honest as you can with yourself about what changes another baby will bring and go from there. Do what is right for you and your DC.

I was told I would very likely never conceive after I was finally diagnosed with endometriosis which resulted in a Fallopian tube and Ovary being removed from my body and it was a few months after (when my doctors were still considering a full hysterectomy due to the damage endometriosis has caused over years of not being diagnosed) I fell pregnant with my twins.

So whilst you may have been previously advised it could be difficult for you, you have physical evidence that you can and whilst I really do understand the temptation to keep going with this pregnancy in case it’s your last chance, nobody can know that this will be so, as hard as it is, please keep that in mind when you make the decision that is right for you.

I wish you well @confusedmumof1 and all the best Flowers

Alisonm23 · 29/09/2019 19:37

I would keep it. I would worry that you would regret having a termination. But as soon as baby is born I doubt you will ever regret having it

Swipe left for the next trending thread