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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Dp says we're sexually incompatible because I can't climax from penetrative sex

420 replies

JustWonderful · 28/09/2019 17:25

He has implied if we split he 'd meet a woman who does.

I think that's delusional - because most women (who don't fake) can 't climax from penetrating sex. I read 75% or higher of the female population.

Aibu?

OP posts:
HennyPennyHorror · 28/09/2019 22:55

I always think people misunderstand how climaxing from penetrative sex actually works.

It's usually from grinding your clitoris against the male's groin...not from some magic nerve endings in the actual vagina.

The only reason I've failed to orgasm like that with most past partners is because the action of it makes them come. So that's that.

He doesn't know what he's talking about. Try what I suggest, watch him lose it and then say "But that's how women come from penetrative sex...you're shit at it though"

leomama81 · 28/09/2019 22:55

That said, I never understand the contempt on Mumsnet for women who say they orgasm through PIV or why they’re so often dismissed as faking.

Where on earth do you see that?? Certainly no contempt - great if you can! And no one has said that women who say they can are faking it, just that if he thinks they always come through PIV alone it may well be that they were at least sometimes faking it.

HennyPennyHorror · 28/09/2019 22:58

Leo did you read my post? What do you think about my idea of it? I think a lot of women AND men don't understand how it works

letsdolunch321 · 28/09/2019 22:59

Lol, he has two ex's that could climax from his sexual actions .........

You need to remind him that is why they are exs cause they found him a massive failure in the bedtoom - the twat.

Bet they have moved on to a man that can 🤣

Original poster
JustWonderful · 28/09/2019 23:03

It's usually from grinding your clitoris against the male's groin...not from some magic nerve endings in the actual vagina.

That's what I presumed, but I thought there are a few lucky women out there who also have some sort of g spot/area orgasm as well (or even instead).

I have tried grinding and it doesn't seem to work; when penetrated my clitoral seems to lose nearly all sensation, it's bizarre.
Also I find most men want to thrust rather than grind sooner or later.

OP posts:
Original poster
JustWonderful · 28/09/2019 23:06

You need to remind him that is why they are exs cause they found him a massive failure in the bedtoom - the twat.

In the spirit of fairness, he ended it with ex 1 - mainly because she was unstable, in a kind e if nasty way. had that corroborated by neutral people.

Ex 2 - if it's the one I'm th inking of was a single mum with an on off relationship with the dad of her child and went back to him.

OP posts:
Original poster
JustWonderful · 28/09/2019 23:07

(Don't think my dp was majorly bothered).

OP posts:
KickUpTheArse82 · 28/09/2019 23:18

He needs educating - sounds like he has absolutely no clue what he’s doing. Most women use edging or some kind of variation in movement and pressure, it’s not rocket science!

I don’t have to instruct DH but he is very attentive to my breathing etc and can figure out what’s working and what isn’t! Sounds like he’s not even trying and is making his bruised ego out to be your fault.

TheHodgeoftheHedge · 28/09/2019 23:22

Sounds like you’re sexually incompatible as he doesn’t give a shit about making you cum.
Why are you even still with him?

HeadLikeAFuckinOrange · 28/09/2019 23:25

I'd rather catch crabs in bed than your DP!!!

I've a really fulfilling sexual r'ship with my DH but can only rarely orgasm thru PIV.
The rest is called...... actually caring for your partner!

And the pressure to get there will only make you shut off anyway, what an idiot (sorry OP)

pinkoneblueone · 28/09/2019 23:28

I haven't came that way I get very close my other half always makes sure I get there first as he knows how important it is for us both to come.

Original poster
JustWonderful · 28/09/2019 23:29

Incidentally I had one red hot love half my life ago who gave me vaginal orgasms from penetrative sex( it took me a while to realise what was happening, they are really different to clitoral ones, and I had previously thought Freud was lying when he talked about them. ) .
I’ve had lots of sex and lots of partners, and it’s not happened with anyone else

Any info on what he did to achieve that would be gratefully received Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
JustWonderful · 28/09/2019 23:33

Btw that's not me wishing I could be different for my door any man, just me being greedy and thinking it would be amazing to experience another type of orgasm.

OP posts:
Original poster
JustWonderful · 28/09/2019 23:34

*my dp

Autocorrect!

OP posts:
leomama81 · 28/09/2019 23:39

Yes I agree Henny, I actually can sometimes, it is rarer for sure though, and it definitely is something to do with angle/pressure/grinding on the clit - but difficult to get that for long enough periods particularly with partners who just like to pump away!

PickAChew · 28/09/2019 23:49

Vaginal orgasms are ver different from clotoral orgasms. After a fair few pRtners, only ever had Vaginal ones from dh and more so after birth. I can agree with becoming impatient with foreplay. I think that's also a menopause thing, though. Stop fucking touching me and just get me off, now!

Mellowyellowjello · 28/09/2019 23:59

Well I can so obviously some women do.. But if you can't and he doesn't help you to climax then he's obviously selfish!

Toastymash · 29/09/2019 01:43

He disagreed and cited two of his exes who do/can

Was I one of his exes? Because before I met my DH I was unable to orgasm with any man doing anything to me, but I was VERY good at faking it Grin

1forAll74 · 29/09/2019 02:05

If you were to split up, you could then go on to find a perfect partner later. and not a moron who says things like this to his partner.. is he a super stud, or just one of those guys. who is all talk, and not one of the good lovers in life.

panticus · 29/09/2019 02:50

There's definitely a difference between vaginal and clitoral orgasms, for me at least. The former I have only achieved with a vibrator, never through PIV.

PapayaCoconut · 29/09/2019 04:12

OP, I'm exactly the same as you with rewards to "additional stimulation" from the partner. It's so difficult as to be nearly impossible, and I have to give constant instructions. More frustrating than enjoyable. There's only really one way I am able to climax during PIV and that's lying on my front whilst doing this stimulation myself, with him coming in from behind. DH and I almost always end like this. (If I'm to tired to do that, but still want to enjoy a quickie, I just tell him I'm not going to orgasm this time, but that's ok.)

In my case, penetration and clitoral stimulation produce two completely different sensations which are equally enjoyable, but only one of which makes me climax.

PapayaCoconut · 29/09/2019 04:13

*with regards to

Cautionsharpblade · 29/09/2019 05:43

@leomama81

These comments are copied from just the first three pages of this thread. Women calling other women liars because they don’t have the same experience.

most women (who don't fake) can 't climax from penetrating sex

‘He disagreed and cited two of his exes who do/can.’ Bet they faked it.

do an oscar winning massive scream and writhe around fake orgasm . Tell him to expect that from the fakers !

I do also know women who have faked orgasms... and I honestly think that what these men who bang on about women coming just from penetrative sex are actually talking about..

Did it occur to him his friends may not be honest with their mates about their sex lives and/ or the women could have been faking.

This is why you shouldn't fake orgasms.. because you create deluded men that walk around saying this stupid shit

I'm sure he could find a woman who climaxes from penetrative sex but what he doesn't know is that they would, in all probability, be faking it.

Well tell him good luck with that and to bring his real-oragasm detector with him

could also tell when previous partners were faking? Yep sounds totally legit hahahahahaha

I can pretty much guarantee his exes were faking.

AgentJohnson · 29/09/2019 06:50

I can’t believe you are wasting your time on this idiot.

Sally2791 · 29/09/2019 07:05

His disgusting attitude would lead me to dump him right now