Dp says we're sexually incompatible because I can't climax from penetrative sex

[JustWonderful]

He has implied if we split he 'd meet a woman who does.

I think that's delusional - because most women (who don't fake) can 't climax from penetrating sex. I read 75% or higher of the female population.

Aibu?

Although I knew it was much more difficult, I had no idea that so few women can climax through intercourse. I do, easily, but then it doesn’t take much for me whichever way we do it so perhaps I’m just very unusual .

It’s not impossible that he has had past partners who could orgasm this way too. But he doesn’t sound great OP. He’s being very unfair to you and I would be telling him where to go. I don’t think it should matter how you “get there”; it’s the taking part that counts!

All the posters who can, out of interest, is this clitoral orgasms you're talking about - or vaginal (which in essence would still really be clitoral be because they now know it's got a kind of y shape stretching back into the vagina where the g spot is .. Or bot h?

(If it's clitoral, I did read that it depends on how close the clitoris is to the vaginal entrance. It seems to be close enough in only the minority of women.

Dare I ask if it’s been a long relationship? He definitely shouldn’t be comparing partners and should be trying to have exploratory fun!

Pretty long.

To be fair to him.any conversations about past partners or sex have been introduced by me. On this occasion him saying we may just be incompatible made me kick off and say something to the effect of "seriously?! then you'd be incompatible with the majority of women cause most can't climax from penetrative sex" and he responded by saying not really in his experience; pretty much half of those her been with (a smallish number, yes) had .. I jumped to faking, as many have here, and as i said before he said that one would let you know very clearly her displeasure and frustration if she didn't climax, which didn't fit with faking. The other we didn't really get into detail about, by that point things were getting v argumentative and bouncing onto other issues.

Lol... That's absolutely hilarious.

He needs to figure out how to pleasure a woman...

Do you mean that he doesn't make you climax at all? So doesn't do oral etc? Does sex just consist of him sticking his dick straight in and pumping away with him thinking this should be enough for you?

If so, why on earth are you still with him.

And yes, orgasm through penetrative sex is vaginal so my DH definitely can feel when I've come because the vaginal pulsations are quite strong . So this might be what he means when he said he could tell with a past gf

Just I can have an orgasm from penetrative sex but there are specific conditions - I have to have already had an orgasm via clitoral stimulation (I think it makes everything more sensitive) and the angle of entry has to be exactly right (so I guess it is to do with where my clit is?)

There is no way I would have worked this out with a selfish partner who wasn't interested in making an effort.

And yes, orgasm through penetrative sex is vaginal so my DH definitely can feel when I've come because the vaginal pulsations are quite strong . So this might be what he means when he said he could tell with a past gf

How can he possibly tell whether it’s orgasmic pulsations as opposed to a method actor deliberately clenching their pelvic floor muscles?

Sounds like your soon to be ex Dh has been watching to much porn, quite a surprising amount of women need a bit extra help or cant climax purely from penetration! I hope his future partner is a good screamer

I am amazed that a whole four per cent of commenters found your DH’s ideas about sex reasonable. Makes you think!

OP I can only climax from penetration if the condition is right, I've been warned up properly, I'm not tired, If i clench or squeeze i then am able to climax

Maybe buy him a subscription for OMGyes

Came here to say the same thing. Most men in fact would massively benefit, as would most women TBH. Very fascinating and informative stuff - and instructional too.

I can orgasm through penetrative sex alone, no clitoral stimulation and it’s a very different orgasm. There’s not just the g region (not a spot!) but also the anterior fornix and posterior fornix... there’s a lot of obsession with the clitoris, for good reason obviously, but for many women it’s too sensitive for direct stimulation from someone else who can’t self regulate the speed and pressure. If men understood female anatomy better they’d be much better lovers

Crucially, even for most women who can orgasm through PIV, it requires a partner who knows how to get them there and therefore takes effort and communication - not just banging away aimlessly.

As for his exes, combined with his fragile ego I suspect faking but maybe not.

It'll be a while before he got any action again and then it would be him doing the pleasing before he got to stick his cock anywhere.

The world isn't like that though, is it - he's tall, good looking, has a good job, personable and would meet a woman who puts up with it for everything else or who.does happen to be in the minority who climax from penetration.

Lots of women don't base decisions on a man's sexual performance; they base them in eligability, pressure to settle and more emotional things like connection,attraction etc. Be hinest, men get away with being shite in bed all the time.

anterior fornix and posterior fornix

New to me, off I go to Google!

It doesn’t matter what other women enjoy - you’re his partner and he should be interested in what you enjoy.

That said, I never understand the contempt on Mumsnet for women who say they orgasm through PIV or why they’re so often dismissed as faking.

Oh and I didn’t discover that I even had a g region response until I turned 30... same sexual partner as before, no kids yet but suddenly it was just there. Best to explore solo to figure it out... would definitely recommend OMGYes, has massively improved my orgasms and I thought they were fine before.

Not for his benefit of course, but for yours!

Do you mean that he doesn't make you climax at all? So doesn't do oral etc? Does sex just consist of him sticking his dick straight in and pumping away with him thinking this should be enough for you?

He (to be fair we both) used to do a lot more foreplay but it fell away over time.
He has only tried to do oral a small no of times and I wasn't finding it great/likely to make me orgasm etc. That has been the case with any partner show done it - most seemed happy not to. it if they did I just four it frustrating because it didn't feel remotely likely to make me climax. I felt like to even have a chance I'd have to give constant instr uctions and that would be a distraction and turn off. I tried with one ex, for example telling him he could vary where and what he did, it could include missing elsewhere in the area for a bit of variety/sensuality .. His response was to robotically kiss my inner thigh every third stroke .... I don't know, have I just not had sex with anyone who's good at is or ... I do have to admit it made me a bit self conscious and tense too.

I have tried experimenting with concurrent dp with either me or him touching my clit during penetrative sex but it's like I lose nearly all feeling there when penetrated. It's weird; I googled it and one other woman had written the same online. I should make it clear that I have zero problem when not penetrated. I would be happy with manual (or oral) stimulation to climax before or after sex but as I said, oral doesn't feel like it's going to get me there, it becomes boring and what we've tried with him using his fingers hasn't worked either. He doesn't bother now, perhaps because he thinks there's no poi nt.

contempt on Mumsnet for women who say they orgasm through PIV

There's none from me, I just think "lucky b*t ches!"

• current dp, not concurrent! There's only one

It's not a reflection on you; it's a reflection on him...

Be hinest, men get away with being shite in bed all the time.

Sister, don't be that woman. The one who puts up with a selfish lover who does not care about your climax ... for the sake of

Well, what would make that worth it? He will not be this selfish in. Ed only, it will show up in other areas.

Unless you are really very unlucky indeed, you would surely know this about his approach before you had really committed to each other and decided to have DC.

There will be someone so.much.better out there for you, if you are prepared to set your standards

YANBU in the slightest. But I do wonder if he has a slight point, I had an ex where I came during sex every time not sure how but I did. With my husband I have only come 3 times during penetrative sex and that was in the early days when all we used to do was shag. However he is able to satisfy me in other ways

I've found with trying to get him (didn't try with any previous partner) to do it manually I just get frustrated be because, even with instructions/guidance; there's usually something wrong ie too hard, too light, wrong place, no variation, movement not really working; is it just me that finds it a turn off and distracting to have to try to constant my instruct? I remember having a conversation in which he pointed out that I was being contradictory/confusion g because I suggested variety of touch rtf was great but then asked him to keep something consistent - I had to say "well you probably enjoy a bit of variety in a bj or sex until you're getting near(ish) to climax and then most people prefer something more consistent and repetitive in order to reach it, don't they? I remember wanting to ba by my head off a wall in frustration at even having to explain that. I feel like some people are naturally intuitive and good at sex in the way some people are good at dancing or music or art etc and while peop!e can always improve; mostly you're trying to reach someone an instinct they just don't have. Maybe I'm just being intolerant & impatient (?)

*constantly instruct