To ask for cash instead of presents at kids party?

[HuntIdeas]

My twins are having a 5th birthday party next week and have 50 guests between them! I’m starting to freak out about the number of presents they will get and where to keep them in the house (plus all that extra plastic that will end up at the dump). WIBU to send a group WhatsApp message asking not to bring presents or to put a bit of cash in a card and I can take them to get something they choose? How could I word it?

Most guests are their new classmates (only started 3 weeks ago), so I don’t know the parents

I actually think it makes a lot of sense to ask for money especially for all class parties. But I still haven’t been brave enough to ask because of the type of responses from this thread

Id much rather give a child £5-10 in a card then have to go buying toys they may not like.

I agree with all saying taking away the presents to unwrap from birthday parties just makes it easier on the adults. No thought about what the child wants. The unwrapping is the best bit.

Birthday parties for me as a little kid (ONE a year, come on!) were so exciting when my friends used to come in, all dressed up proudly in shirts or dresses, holding their wrapped up present

I actually think it makes a lot of sense to ask for money especially for all class parties. But I still haven’t been brave enough to ask because of the type of responses from this thread

Mention it to a couple of parents you know well in a "Someone I know did X" way and you'll see the reaction. At DS's school the idea was jumped on by a load of parents and by the time it's his birthday it'll be the norm (all three parties he's been too this year so far have had a piggy bank and I know another four who are planning it - whole class parties are really common here so it saves finding presents for 27 other kids)

@SaraNade Oh get over yourself, most 5 year olds get everything they want of their parent! Letting them pick a few of the favourite presents out of 30 isn't punishment.

If it was twins I would be giving them money in a card anyway...

argumentative

The function has been around a while - MN recently added the ability to choose a username from a list, whereas before you had to type it in. It’s the fact you get sent an email every time sometimes @s you that I prefer not to have if I’m already on a thread.

I have raised my kids to think parties aren’t all about presents. It can be an expense to attend a party. Sometimes the party’s are far from where you live if you don’t drive then taxi and trains can be expensive . Also when you have other children and you don’t have a babysitter so need to pay them into soft play or the zoo whatever it is. I’m honestly just glad people turn up.

I don't get this modern craze where it seems to be utterly abhorrent to let kids be kids and enjoy kids stuff!
One of the best things about having a party as a kid was the bag of presents you got to open when you got back home all of which I recall being appreciated and played with
A five year old will not be excited with a gift of a donkey in Tanzania or a fiver in a card
Let kids be kids

FFS another who doesn't understand 5 year olds. They are five years old! They do not understand the concept of money

I certainly did at 5. I’m sure DS did too. And if the shopping trip to buy the much wanted gift happens not long after the party, these children will make the association too.

To FamilyOfAliens People are not on here 24/7 and many don't come back to read all replies. @'ing people is proper etiquette on here so the person it is addressed to, sees the reply. It is just manners.

I also think this is the problem with inviting children you don’t know or, in the OP’s case, that your child doesn’t really know.

It introduces the possibility of ending up with presents the child doesn’t like or already has. That’s less likely to happen if it’s family, or children that are already friends.

Ask one of the class mates' parents to organise a joint present. Everyone chips in a fiver and the child gets a bigger awesome present. Plus maybe all class presents will be the same for the rest of the school year which I think everyone benefits from!

For every 3 presents they receive I would give them 1 and keep the other 2 to regift when they go to a party. Just check you don't regift to the same child!

@HJWT Oh what rubbish! There is nothing like getting an exciting gift from a friend, as a 5 year old. And if you'd give money to FIVE YEAR OLD little children, wow, more fool you, you will deserve the tantrums, I sincerely hope you don't have any or they get any invites to parties because you sound totally self-absorbed and unable to relate to 5 year old. Try getting over yourself and thinking about who this is about, the CHILD. Not you as an adult.

@MutedUser - I'm pretty sure all the invites included the note, not just those to the kids of her friends. So it would have been received by strangers / school parents as well as those of us who knew the family better. I mentioned our friendship group as those are the only ones whose reaction to the note I am aware of, having discussed it with them.

It's a different situation to the OP, admittedly, given that they have already distributed their invites. I was just mentioning my experience as it felt relevant to the wider discussion b

sara

I’m not on here 24/7 either, but I do check “threads I’m on” every day.

If I politely ask someone not to @ me, I’d be surprised if they continued to do it.

The only possible way you can try to introduce this is for you to get someone you know on the group to ask you if it's ok to pop some money in a card

I dont think its granny or CF.

I'd rather have 50 pound coins than 50 plastic tat presents including duplicates, that the kids wont play with, cluttering up the house.

50 presents is a waste - of the givers time, money, environmentally etc. I'd much rather give something I thought was going to be used.

I personally would be happy if that was introduced for whole class parties. Especially so early on in the year when nobody really knows each other or what they like

Those saying some people couldn't afford to put money in the card, you really think someone can get an even semi decent gift for less than£2?? If you can't afford to put£2 in a card you can't afford to buy a present. In which case surely it matters not if someone prefers gifts or cash as you weren't/aren't giving anything anyways?

I don't think it's fair to give away a child's gift whose over the age of 3, they are likely to be asked by the gifter about it just to begin with. Plus it's so harsh. Just let them play with it a while then when it gets forgotten about donate it

*OP just don’t do what a Mum at our school done and list all the unwanted presents on Facebook marketplace forgetting that we were all friends with her on Facebook. I tell you that didn’t go down well.^

But at least it’s honest and might actually go to a child who wants the stuff!

The problem with the “everybody chucks in a fiver” idea is that a lot of us don’t spend a fiver on presents for random classmates. I certainly don’t! I buy presents as and when I see things on special offer, or see things that look new in charity shops, or don’t open gifts my kids get but won’t really play with, and then save them for when needed. On average I’d guess I’m spending £3/4 on presents. Plenty of people do the same - either for financial or eco reasons.

If you’re going to ask for money then doing it as a “a coin for their piggy bank” is the way to do it.

And if you'd give money to FIVE YEAR OLD little children, wow, more fool you, you will deserve the tantrums, I sincerely hope you don't have any or they get any invites to parties because you sound totally self-absorbed and unable to relate to 5 year old.

Nice.

Letting everyone know that you'd rather no presents is fine, but asking for cash is not so fine imo. You'll find that people will probably put £5 in a card anyway or bring a small gift like colouring books or something as no one really likes turning up to birthdays empty handed.

When we recieve too many gifts (which mainly come from granny!) I see what the kids play with most over the next few days and keep those out and put the rest in a cupboard out the way then rotate them when they start losing interest in ones that they have out.