To ask for cash instead of presents at kids party?

[HuntIdeas]

My twins are having a 5th birthday party next week and have 50 guests between them! I’m starting to freak out about the number of presents they will get and where to keep them in the house (plus all that extra plastic that will end up at the dump). WIBU to send a group WhatsApp message asking not to bring presents or to put a bit of cash in a card and I can take them to get something they choose? How could I word it?

Most guests are their new classmates (only started 3 weeks ago), so I don’t know the parents

Have you missed the posts saying a cash present just wouldn’t be possible for some families?

Ignoring the fact that every piggy bank party I’ve ever been too has been worded as “no presents, but for those who insist” the coin into the piggy bank can actually make it easier for families as it’s not actually possible to know who put £10 into the piggy bank and who put £1.
It’s actually one of the reasons it works so well here as it makes what people give totally anonymous.

I wouldn't give cash even if asked. It looks like you're trying to make money off your kids party (even if it's to make back the cost).

I always buy a well thought out book - collection of stories or "All About X"... my 3 year old is off to a soft play party in a couple of weeks and I'm getting a beautiful little Aesop's Fables book for the birthday girl.

@FamilyofAliens - but I don’t see why? The child still has their birthday party with their friends and a birthday cake and all the other elements. Along with a present(s) that is actually useful and wanted

As I said, it works really well at DC’s school - but horses for courses and all that.

I would just say 'In the interest of reducing plastic and unnecessary spending, please can we ask for no presents at this party. Thanks'.

You can't ask people you've only known three weeks for money. You can say 'no gifts please' but your DC will notice when they go to other kids parties that gifts are the norm so that seems a bit unfair.

If you're that concerned about storage then why not just donate half the gifts to the local women's refuge/children's hospital ward/children's centre/any other local charity. Or you could always regift them.

think saying no gifts is wrong too. It says I don’t trust you enough not to bring tat etc.

I would never read it that way - more my kids already have more than enough toys and don’t need more.

but the twins are saving for x and so if you wanted to make a small donation they would be delighted

FFS another who doesn't understand 5 year olds. They are five years old! They do not understand the concept of money, the concept of saving. What you're suggesting would be fine for a teenager, but NOT for a five year old child! I really don't understand why people are prescribing teenage/adult-like thoughts to a five year old child! They don't UNDERSTAND saving up. All they know, is they don't have a present. Reading some of the posts here makes me think some on here have absolutely no understanding whatsoever of what being five years old is like, and see a 5 year old small child, like an adult or teenager saving for the latest outfit they saw in a boutique, or that expensive computer game.

These are five year old little children! Still interested in finger painting, trampolines, dolls and play dough. Geesus people, read the room!

Wow, I didn't realise so many people would be glued to the idea of endless cheap presents! We're only just starting the birthday party minefield (DS1 is 3) and have just had an invitation saying "S has plenty of toys but if you would like to give her something, a contribution to an annual pass at X local soft play or Y farm park would be very welcome." I thought it was genius!

Also anyone who wants to do the £2 in a piggy bank, but is nervy about being the first I mentioned it to some Mums at the school gate in chit chat. Just in a “x went to a party at the weekend that was £2 in a piggy bank instead of presents and it was so much less hassle. Would love to do that for his, but you never know how people will take it”. His birthday isn’t until December and he’s already been to two parties that have gone with the idea so I didn’t have to be first to do it

inesj

No need to @ me - I’m here already .

Yes. I get that the cake and party elements would still be fun for the child. Just that I always involved my DC in choosing presents for their friends (even wrapping sometimes once they got older!), and making a bank transfer is a very adult way of giving gifts. But I can see that for some parents, a few clicks on an iPad is preferable. It wouldn’t work for me.

What’s the point in accepting plastic tat you don’t want to gift it to charity?

The point is that OP doesn't want the toys but there are charities who do. A domestic abuse refuge won't care that it's just "plastic tat", they'll be immensely grateful for it and can pass it onto a child who might not otherwise have a Christmas present.

Do not ask for cash. State very clearly no presents please. Half the invited guests won’t be able to cope with this request and will still send a present or cash, so your child will still get a decent amount of pressies.

Gosh ignore this nonsense. I was invited to a shred twins party. I was VERY happy to see the invite asked for £1 a child if you wished to bring anything. Just set a small token amount with a polite message, maybe something about how they are hoping for a £2 coin pile so much a coin per attendee would be lovely. As long as you mention a small amount it’s totally fine.

@SockQueen Um, genius through the eyes of an adult. Not through the eyes of a 3 year old little girl! That parent sounds like an idiot and will have one hell of a tantrum on the little girl's birthday on their hands. Wtf is wrong with people like this? Why have children if you cannot see their childhood through their eyes? A three year old doesn't understand about softplay memberships, memberships in general, or saving. All that three year old little girl, dreaming of My Little Pony, play dough, a doll that pees etc, understands is that for some reason, she has no physical present in front of her.

OP just don’t do what a Mum at our school done and list all the unwanted presents on Facebook marketplace forgetting that we were all friends with her on Facebook. I tell you that didn’t go down well.

Just put “no gifts please “ on the invite. works quite well

Very rude to ask for money.
I agree a simple comment saying you are trying to reduce your families carbon footprint, so no presents please.

The best part, as a 5 year old, is UNWRAPPING BIRTHDAY PRESENTS! That is the entire pointof a birthday party when you are 5. Cake and sweets are nice, but the main event for a 5 year old is PRESENTS!!!

Sarah, it is nothing like Christmas! Children would have already got their birthday presents fry family on their birthday morning. I remember birthday parties when I was a child and I remember the fun. I have no recollection of whether guests brought presents or not!

I'm always amazed at these threads. I think "no presents at all please, just your company" is fine. I also think "coin in a card" is fine - otherwise it's an endless bloody merry-go-round of, if not tat exactly, then a (large) number of unwanted gifts.

I always try with gifts for kids to err on the side of practicality - a new top or some PlayDoh that likely will be used, even if the top is just worn to nursery and trashed - but it's such a waste.

I don't understand all the posters saying 'Why did you invite 50 people if you didn't want 50 presents?' - clearly the OP wanted to invite the children her kids are at school with! The presents are not an expectation or a reason to invite/not invite children surely?!

I am with you, OP - my kids love having parties and playing with their friends, but they are much more into going to places than playing with things so most presents are forgotten about pretty quickly, unfortunately. I wish we had the culture of £2 parties or similar here, but we don't seem to and I am not sure I can be the one to start it.

The point is that OP doesn't want the toys

FFS who cares what the OP wants, what the OP wants, is not relevant here! We are talking about a five year old's birthday party. Why are people even considering the OP? What she wants, is totally irrelevant.

It's supposed to be a party for a five year old child! Um, have people forgotten? Five year old? Child?

We need a banging head against a brick wall emoticon. OP why not call off the party for your 2 year old children. Have a party for yourself and ask for money. May as well. Since people here have clearly forgotten we are talking about a birthday party for 2 five year old children. Just make the party all about yourself, instead. Omg. smdh

No it’s dreadfully uncouth. Simply state no presents.

As long as you mention a small amount it’s totally fine.

The OP was suggesting asking for money in a card. Most people would know that means a note of some sort, not a £1 coin, and though you’d be happy with that, many families would struggle to find £5 to gift to a child their own child barely knows.

Don’t ask for money, but by asking not to buy presents as if you worked out two toys per child from each invitee you’ll be over run with 200 toys!

Presence over presents please

However, people may decide for themselves to give cash instead knowing you don’t want gifts. But I would find it cheeky to specifically ask.

You ask for no presents. Or you donate the gifts they do receive. You do not ask people you barely even know for money! How grabby!