To ask for cash instead of presents at kids party?

[HuntIdeas]

My twins are having a 5th birthday party next week and have 50 guests between them! I’m starting to freak out about the number of presents they will get and where to keep them in the house (plus all that extra plastic that will end up at the dump). WIBU to send a group WhatsApp message asking not to bring presents or to put a bit of cash in a card and I can take them to get something they choose? How could I word it?

Most guests are their new classmates (only started 3 weeks ago), so I don’t know the parents

It’s high time we changed our attitudes to this stuff. So much wastage, plastic tat in landfill. Who really wants to buy a child a present that’s going straight to the charity shop?

£2 in a card that the child can save and spend on something they actually want is far preferable.

I think people do buy gifts more responsibly these days. I can't remember the last time I bought plastic tat. I'm much more likely to buy books, craft supplies or something wooden.

No you can't ask for money, it's not on. For a wedding, yes, people ask for 'no boxed gifts' which means anyone who was intending to buy a present will give money, it's easier and most people nowadays already have a lot of 'stuff' when they marry. For five year olds' parties, definitely not.

You could say on the invitation, "My children have so many things, please don't feel obliged to buy a gift because we will run out of storage", then you'll probably receive cash for them. Anyone you know really well will ask for suggestions and you can say what they might find useful but prefer cash.

A huge party with 50 people!

Hope you all enjoy yourselves.

for you.

I think if you make it obvious that it's anonymous rather than in a card it's a good idea.
I don't put money or vouchers in cards as it's obvious how much you have spent.
Maybe get them to make a post box each, provide those little envelopes they use for dinner money, they only cost about £1 for about 100.

It’s high time we changed our attitudes to this stuff. So much wastage, plastic tat in landfill. Who really wants to buy a child a present that’s going straight to the charity shop?

Completely agree! But according pp this is the polite thing to do. Buy crap that will end up in landfill. People are weird.

Saying presents aren't expected isn't the same as not wanted. .

Definitely don't ask for cash. Just ask for no presents.

You can’t ask for cash.

I know full well that many parents who provided presents for my kids’ birthdays really struggled for money.

They bought packs of books from Book People etc so that each book cost £1 and gave a book, git something that looks good to a kid from the Pound Shop, some knitted an item for a Teddy from scraps of wool, etc, all to make birthday parties affordable.

Being asked to give cash or voucher would make you feel pressured to put a £5 in an envelope.

An anonymous donation into a piggyback is the ONLY way you could do this so that those who spend £1-3 could manage it.

One of the reasons my 9 year old daughter has not had a party for her birthday since last year is due to the presents. Her birthday is in January and I can't cope with it just after Christmas. She is desperate for a swim party but 30 gifts makes me feel. I wish i could ask for vouchers instead.

@PeopleMover yes, completely agree. for the last 2 years, we asked “no gifts please”. so much better than the heaps of plastic crap that otherwise arrives

@Elenorrigbywoes I agree. It is a win win situation, less plastic, less stree for parents, no sorting out duplicate gifts, the birthday child gets to choose a decent present.
There was a recent thread, the birthday child requested £5 from his peers, he donated a percentage to a children's charity. It was a lovely idea with a good lesson.
It is the way forward.
Next year when the twins are more settled you could suggest it in a helping the environment way.

I think it would be cringemaking to ask for money, especially as you don't know the parents.

I think it's equally wrong to decide no gifts for your child's birthday - surely that's what it's all about? I hope you say no presents for your own birthday or that would be hypocritical don't you think?

Absolutely not, totally rude asking for cash.

flumposie how awful of you to deny her a party when you could just donate the gifts.

op I wouldnt ask people for cash instead. That is just vulgar and not acceptable.

No. That is so tacky.

You could of course ask them to donate the cash they would otherwise spend on presents to their favourite charity.

50 guests?! You're crazy! It will be bedlam.

Congratulations on their birthday anyway.

Not RTFT abut it’s a real shame this isn’t socially acceptable and seen as grabby because people usually WANT to gift and time and again feel obliged to get a thing when money would be infinitely more wisely spent.

TL;DR you can’t ask, it’d be seen as grabby. Request no presents on the invite with something nauseating like

“Your presence is present enough”

OP, if your child has something in particular that they would like to buy then personally I don't see it as being out of order to mention the possibility of contributing as parents would expect to have to buy a present anyway but if not then it would seem a little cheeky I think.

@PaulHollywoodsSexGut agree. a piece of plastic destined for the bin and with a 90%likelihood ignored by the child is seen as better than £2 or so.

I’m not gifting anything plastic at all anymore. The idea of 20-30 pieces of plastic at every party (I’ve been to 4 so far this term) is revolting.
No idea how to tackle the issue when it’s our turn really that doesn’t offend people.

I’m certainly in MN minority but I don’t mind requests for cash. It makes my life easier. DS is 6 and would take £1 over a plastic toy any time. Or a packet of match attax (or whatever they’re called) football cards, which is £2. He only really likes football and lego atm (or books) and I would never want anyone to spend that much on him.
Tbh I don’t even mind if the request for cash comes after the invitation, I would be spending money on the present anyway so why would I not want to contribute to something they actually want?!

I think it would be ok actually, it depends how you ask eg the rise of ‘fiver’ parties. You could put something like: no presents please, if you really want to give something a couple of coins in a card would be more than enough and then DD can put it towards purchase/charity/experience etc.

One year, we asked for "no presents".

We suggested that if the guests wanted to give something, a picture or a note from the child would be lovely.

Some still brought a gift, and that was sweet, too.

The following year, instead of a gift, my DD asked for pet food and toys and she donated them to the animal rescue.

She had a great time both years.

I don't think it's rude to say "x is saving for X, so a couple of pounds towards that would be appreciated". Asking for "cash" instead of presents can sound a bit rude, as people may feel they have to give £10, but if you suggest a specific small amount, I think that's fine. I'd be glad to receive an invitation like that!

I’m certainly in MN minority but I don’t mind requests for cash

And that's absolutely fair enough, Floralmoral; we're all different and what suits one may not work for another, just as some like to give cash and others prefer to buy something to wrap

Personally, though, I wouldn't risk asking because I know that those who opt for cash will probably do it anyway, and some of the rest may be offended

Unfortunately it was bound to happen. I'd bet good money that parents who do this are the same ones who sent a tacky poem asking for cash when they married, so it's hardly surprising if they feel "why not with the kids' gifts too"

Apart from the tacky poem this is also a good idea. Most marrying couples already have a fully equipped home, so even a wedding list doesn’t make much sense. I once did a car boot sale next to a couple selling a table full of unused household stuff. They told me it was their surplus wedding presents that they had kept in the loft for 20 years!