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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask for cash instead of presents at kids party?

493 replies

HuntIdeas · 28/09/2019 05:29

My twins are having a 5th birthday party next week and have 50 guests between them! I’m starting to freak out about the number of presents they will get and where to keep them in the house (plus all that extra plastic that will end up at the dump). WIBU to send a group WhatsApp message asking not to bring presents or to put a bit of cash in a card and I can take them to get something they choose? How could I word it?

Most guests are their new classmates (only started 3 weeks ago), so I don’t know the parents

OP posts:
switswoo81 · 28/09/2019 10:11

Havent read the full.thread but in the school I teach in all parties are "fiver fever" parties. The first parent with a party in infants puts it on invitations and then all follow. In Ireland so its 5 euro would be very standard among all my friends kids.

ArgumentativeAardvaark · 28/09/2019 10:12

onioncrumble that is in really bad taste to invent accidents for old ladies to get out of a kid’s party. Many many old people die after a fall sets them off in a downward spiral. You’ve obviously been lucky enough for that not to happen to your family.

By all means tell white lies about yourself (I’ve hurt my back) but don’t bring other people into them.

ArgumentativeAardvaark · 28/09/2019 10:13

No @lyralalala I disagree- that is you being overly pedantic to slap her down. It absolutely amounts to the same thing.

PortiaCastis · 28/09/2019 10:13

Not thinking of the children are we what do they want?
No you cannot ask for cash as it would be extremely rude and grabby and praps the children would like presents at their party

CecilyP · 28/09/2019 10:13

All that three year old little girl, dreaming of My Little Pony, play dough, a doll that pees etc, understands is that for some reason, she has no physical present in front of her.

If that’s what she’s dreaming of, it’s likely her parents would have bought them for her birthday. Random party guests are unlikely to know what she’s dreaming of.

italianfiat · 28/09/2019 10:15

I'm a bit stunned that you thought it would be ok to do that. If I was in Your WhatsApp group I would have hit right back with a 'sorry my kid won't be there' - the idea of a party is for the kids enjoyment, not to collect cash, or even presents.

Even when you realise not to do this you talk about setting space aside to 'regift' - have you not considered waiting to see what gifts your children are given and allowing them the enjoyment? So what if you haven't got lots of space? These are your children's presents you are talking about, and you are already viewing them as an inconvenience before they have even been given.

What age will you stop regifting due to space and allow your children their own presents?

lyralalala · 28/09/2019 10:16

@ArgumentativeAardvaark then you’ll have to agree to disagree.

Saying something is more convenient is absolutely not the same as saying the opposite is too much hassle.

It’s much more convenient for me to give my kid £2 and a card that I can buy locally than going into town, spending £8 on parking and finding a present that the child won’t get eight of. Doesn’t mean that doing that is too much bother. Two totally different things.

Botanic · 28/09/2019 10:18

All these people buying £2/3 presents that are thoughtful and don’t fall apart I’m genuinely interested in how and what these things are because I’m going wrong! I genuinely don’t see much that’s decent at that price. I struggle often with a fiver and not looking mean! Surely £2 pretty much gets you something from the pound shop which isn’t regiftable or donatable because it’s fallen apart pretty fast.

Sounds like the mumsnet chicken. Asking for £2 in cards would save me money. It would also delight my 4 yr old to be told her friends had bought her a trip to the toy store to buy something. She’d be toting those coins round as happy as Larry...:

Aragog · 28/09/2019 10:20

Please don't ask for cash. It's presumptuous and I feel quite rude.
If you really have to say something I think you could say 'no presents please' though again, not everyone will follow this as lots of people would struggle to go to a party without a gift as it goes against normal convention.

Crockof · 28/09/2019 10:20

I posted about saving time /fuel /parking /paper etc as a reason why I am happy to give money. I think it is cheaper to give £5 then buy a present.
I don't know these children, I don't know what they like, what they have got nor what they are getting. I believe a child would prefer money towards something they would actually want.
In the Op case she could end up with 100 presents as I wouldn't go to a twin party and only give one gift. It is obscene to think a 5 year old needs 50 gifts and that you are somehow being mean by trying to prevent this.

MidniteScribbler · 28/09/2019 10:21

Dear god, are people really so crass as to ask for cash for a child's birthday?

katewhinesalot · 28/09/2019 10:21

sara my kids understood at age 5 that money meant a trip to the toy shop to choose something, so they would appreciate money as well as presents.
Going round the shop seeing what they could actually afford was also a lesson in money and value.

Whyisshedoingit · 28/09/2019 10:21

Wow! This is insane

Botanic · 28/09/2019 10:22

Also, if my text to the WhatsApp group filtered out the stroppy crazies in the first three weeks of school it’s be a win. Those people that tell their kids they can’t go to fun parties because they are outraged about being asked to put £2 in a card instead of a present realistically are going to be a hold load of hassle to interact with for the next 7 years. They will flounce off over some slight anyway at some point inevitably, there’s a few in each class and after 5 kids I’ve learnt it’s good to spot them early on.

ArgumentativeAardvaark · 28/09/2019 10:24

@Botanic. I think that the point is that people do have to spend more than £2/3 to get a present that is not an embarrassment to give, but you can get an OK book, pencil set etc for £4-5. So £2 in the piggy bank is not just giving the cash that would have gone on the present, it’s actually a saving for the guests. I like the idea.

messolini9 · 28/09/2019 10:25

Your guests are not responsible for the fact there are going to be 50 of them. You invited them, it's your responsibility. If you feel the number of presents will become overwhelming, simply message to say no presents needed.

Do NOT ask for cash, unless you want people to think you are a grabby, cheeky fucker they won't want to associate with in future.

Dieu · 28/09/2019 10:26

No, don't ask, it's embarrassing.
Ask for one gift between the two children, and then you can divide them up.

Stayawayfromitsmouth · 28/09/2019 10:27

Just set up a just giving account to adopt an animal at the local zoo. That will filter out some of the gifts. Don't ask for cash it's very crass.

plantingandpotting · 28/09/2019 10:30

It's obviously too late to change the request now, but I personally wouldn't be affronted by a coin in a card request. Most parents would empathise with the storage and waste issues that getting 100 x gifts (assuming most people will give 2 x of the same present) would bring.

A general request for an unspecified amount of cash would definitely feel like CFery.

EmeraldShamrock · 28/09/2019 10:31

@switswoo81 I like fiver fever.
I hope it starts in our schools.
OP it is cheeky to ask but even cheekier as they're twins.
With 50 guests I'd request no gifts from school invitees, tell family cash is preferable.
May discuss it with the PTA as a discussion for class partys. £3 or €5 cash gift.
Your twins birthdays are early in the new school year.

CecilyP · 28/09/2019 10:31

And if you'd give money to FIVE YEAR OLD little children, wow, more fool you, you will deserve the tantrums, I sincerely hope you don't have any or they get any invites to parties because you sound totally self-absorbed and unable to relate to 5 year old

What kind of 5 year old would throw a tantrum if they got money instead of presents? A very spoilt one, assuming they had already had presents from family. The rest of your post is rather nasty.

BogglesGoggles · 28/09/2019 10:32

@cinderellainyellakissedafella I wouldn’t exclude children just because their parents are inconsiderate.

OhMsBeliever · 28/09/2019 10:34

I love being asked for cash for kids birthdays!

It saves me so much stress wandering round a shop trying to pick something for a child I hardly know.

Putting a fiver in a card is so much easier. And it wouldn't bother me if it were a new classmate either.

ArgumentativeAardvaark · 28/09/2019 10:34

On a separate note- I actually think that cards are the biggest waste of time at kids’ parties. They don’t read them properly (particularly if they can’t read yet) and there’s never much room to display them all then they go in the recycling after gathering dust for a week and blowing down every time you open a door. I’m happy with cards to be only from close family and people who can’t attend in person. They can be really expensive too- easily £3. Is it rude not to bring a card?

Dieu · 28/09/2019 10:43

It's odd not to bring a card. Just ask your child to make one if money is an issue. Or Card Factory sell them for 29p. It's a non issue really.