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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to secretly have accumulated just over £50K of savings over the last few years?

307 replies

LargeGnTPlease · 27/09/2019 19:03

First time poster here, so please be gentle! so AIBU to secretly have accumulated just over £50K of savings over the last few years? No one knows, not my DH, no one!

OP posts:
BarbedBloom · 27/09/2019 21:18

I would divorce you, especially if there had been difficult times financially through this. I would have no issue with savings, but 50k is ridiculous.

Whatsnewpussyhat · 27/09/2019 21:20

You clearly have a decent income in the first place to be able to save so much without it being missed or noticed.

userxx · 27/09/2019 21:23

Good for you, if it was only going to be spent on shit then you've done him a favour. You need to tell him about it though.

Drogosnextwife · 27/09/2019 21:26

Well you must have a good household income, if you've managed that "in the last few years" and still had a good life with holidays and no one going without.

KnickerBockerAndrew · 27/09/2019 21:26

I'd be leaving you if I was your DH. That is a colossal amount of money and a massive secret to have hidden from him.

Original poster
LargeGnTPlease · 27/09/2019 21:26

@BarbedBloom no we have not struggled financially, and if I/we have needed to dip in to it then I have.

Just for clarification this hasn't happened over night, I've been doing it years, well probably around 9 years!

OP posts:
boptist · 27/09/2019 21:28

You’ve taken £50k of joint money and he’s never noticed?

SunshineCake · 27/09/2019 21:28

Reported.

She's not being honest

RatherBeAScummerThanASkate · 27/09/2019 21:28

Matched betting isn’t gambling Hmm
What you’ve done is deceitful. You’ve squirrelled family money. Not nice op

boptist · 27/09/2019 21:28

What are you planning on doing with it?

Original poster
LargeGnTPlease · 27/09/2019 21:29

Also this is my first post but I've been a member of MN for an age but to be honest never commented or posted but have sat laughing and sadly crying at some of the posts/comments I have read/followed on here Smile

OP posts:
ItIsWhatItIsInnit · 27/09/2019 21:29

I'm pretty sure if this was the other way round and some bloke posting, "I've squirreled away 50k of our salary because otherwise my wife would just spend it on nails and designer handbags", everybody would be shouting "financial control!!!!!"

Nextphonewontbesamsung · 27/09/2019 21:31

You've been "siphoning off" £462 per month for 9 years.

What are you going to do with it?

You clearly have a very decent household income to be able to do that quite casually.

coconuttelegraph · 27/09/2019 21:31

What is the point of this thread?

You've done it, why does it matter what internet strangers think?

BarbaraofSeville · 27/09/2019 21:32

But they haven't had difficult times, they just haven't spent all the money they've earnt.

We're in a similar position. I manage the finances because DP doesn't care and doesn't have a clue. I tell him things and he doesn't listen, care or remember. I've saved £20k in premium bonds in about 10 years simply because he's a spender and I'm a saver. We have the same amount of spending money and he spends all his and I save about a third of mine because I just want less.

I make extra bits of money by exploiting differences in interest rates, cashback etc. I can play blackjack for a profit fairly reliably once introductory offers are used. I haven't tried matched betting but I could probably make that work.

We saved £50k in 10 years mostly because we got a lifetime tracker mortgage a few months before interest rates plummeted and our mortgage is virtually interest free.

There's a few other things I do to spend less and make money but the reality is that most people on average incomes and above can save a few hundred pounds a month with little effort just the difference between checking offers etc and just buying the first thing you see.

OkayGo · 27/09/2019 21:36

Nah

BarbaraofSeville · 27/09/2019 21:36

In our case I'm planning on spending the money on working part time from about age 50 and retiring at 60. I will get a small pension then, just not quite enough to live nicely on, so needs topping up.

FreshwaterBay · 27/09/2019 21:38

Sorry, dropping DS off and then grabbing a takeout for tea 😕! Right we have shared finances, I have fair bit of it in cash but some in a sole bank account. I have never gambled or drug dealt. It is purely from siphoning from account. I deal with all bills and outgoings. DH knows I am money savvy and am not a spend thrift. He in the other hand will spend and then spend some more. So it started just to have a pot, for just in case! Just in case of what, I dont know but it has just escalated. My DC are 23, 22, 19 and 17, all at home apart from the 22. My family are not deprived in any way, we holiday and have a nice car. I just feel that I would not be able to come clean now anyway! We have had real shit times where we have watched every penny as my DH is self employed and has had quiet times.

I deal with this stuff. Glad you came back. Stops us all from wasting time.

Putting £50k away is nothing in the bigger picture. That is not conduct detrimental to your financial settlement.

A party making a claim against another will have a settlement 'generously assessed' so long as they have not conducted themselves dishonourably. If your partner has, they may suffer.

Don't over think what you have done. Think about what you want in the future.

ThatCurlyGirl · 27/09/2019 21:42

If a poster came on here and said she has found out that her DH had savings of £50k then I honestly think she would be told he is a selfish arsehole and get a fair few LTB. She would also be reminded that if the split then half of it "is hers" etc.

I'd be really upset if my partner hadn't told me about it - because of the deception and secrecy not even the money itself.

Original poster
LargeGnTPlease · 27/09/2019 21:45

I am super duper careful with money, change utilities, if I can save £5 by shopping around I will, I do not like waste. My DH likes me to deal with finances and he'd rather be doing something else, he trusts that I will find the best mortgage deal or the cheapest broadband. I actually feel a bitch now Confused

OP posts:
Wheelson · 27/09/2019 21:45

Well so long as you agree it's for the benefit of you both and not just you.

FreshwaterBay · 27/09/2019 21:50

I actually feel a bitch now

I get you. You are a decent person. Decent enough to be making the decisions you are.

Take ownership. Put children first. Respect him honourably. He is a person after all. Take the high moral ground. And win turn your life around.

Coconutbug · 27/09/2019 21:52

I think it's great to have savings. I can see a similar thing happening with myself and OH. I deal with all finances including savings, he knows I put money in every month but isn't bothered by what's in there or ever asks the amount. Tbh I don't obsessively keep track of the amount in there, it's there just incase and I act as if it's not avaliable to spend.
Is he aware you save every month? I don't think it's unreasonable, I'm not sure of your age but it is a great start to a retirement fund in any case. Well done

Wilmalovescake · 27/09/2019 21:53

Well at least you didn’t pretend you’d made it flagging essential oils.

I’d be absolutely furious with you if you were my spouse. I would feel so deceived and patronised.

littlehappyhippo · 27/09/2019 21:56

@LargeGnTPlease

I would file for divorce if I was your DH.

100%. It's sneaky, underhand, and as a few posters have said, it's basically thieving....

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