To think DH should have just made the fucking dinner?

[IncrediblyHangry]

Username may have some bearing on my feelings on this matter.

DH works until 2 today. I work until 4. We have a baby who is a year old. I have a half hour commute from work and do all childcare drop offs. DH has a five minute walk. I work four days a week, DH five. Usually he gets home later than me, so I do most bedtimes, make dinner five days out of seven.

On Fridays my mum very kindly takes the baby,and I'll often stay for a chat when I call in after work, which DH knows. I am never home later than half five.

Often I will meal plan, or leave eg marinaded chicken breasts in the fridge for dinner on Friday, which DH cooks, but not always. Today I came home at quarter past five, and DH was grumpy- he had tried to call me to see what I wanted to eat,I had not replied. I checked my phone, he called when I was driving. Bear in mind he has been home for three hours. I said I didn't mind and as it was his night he could choose what he wanted. He said "but you didn't leave any meat out, I didn't know what you'd want"

I told him that i didn't care what I ate, I just wanted, for one night of the week, not to think about it. I wanted to come home to a hot dinner which required zero effort or input on my part, as he does every other night of the week. Neither of us are fussy eaters, both are good cooks. I refuse to do his thinking for him. We live three minutes away from a well stocked shop. He marched out to said shop in a huff, and has just returned with fucking ready meal lasagne and waffles. I manage to cook from scratch. Baby can't really eat salty crap like that and really needs to be in bed for half six, she is hungry so he'll have to make her porridge. Aibu to think this is a fucking joke?

I, however, am saying nothing. I absolutely refuse to take this on, it's his job

I used to do a lot more cooking at home but my DH (who is a foodie) was quite critical and unfortunately didn't really think about how to phrase it better so I gradually stepped back and let him do more and more of the food prep and cooking. He now does the majority of it all and it's entirely down to his own negative comments.

Recently a friend had an emergency so we set up a food train for her. I made two meals for the family (both to rave reviews) and DH had the cheek to say when are you going to cook like that for us...when both meals were meals he had criticised!

OP I think you were in a uncomfortable situation which you handled in the way you did because you were hangry. Once you have both eaten and can talk - just have a chat about it but make sure he knows he can't delegate anything about Friday meals to you!

OP, clearly you have been doing far too much during Mat leave.

Have a think about that.

He sounds very lazy,selfish and entitled.

Quite happy to eat lovely meals 6 out 7 but throws some slop on the table when it's his turn.
Pissed off wouldn't come near how I'd feel.

Let this be the start of a much needed readjustment re the breakdown of who does what.

If you don't, and continue on this path, it is a sure fire way to marital discord.

He needs to buck up.

Good luck.

Pot noodles and a gesture at the kettle for him next suppertime!

All the explaining how the Op’s Poor Little DH can’t be expected to think for himself... OP, you are right. He was lazy and petulant to produce a ready meal when you don’t eat them in your house. And lasagne with waffles, it was a complete fuck you.

I think you missed one thing out of your pep talk though. If he behaves like a child, then you will either leave him or treat him like one. Neither is good outcome for any of you.

Sorry, a good outcome

Has nobody said 'learned helplessness' yet? Well, I have now.

I think you've 'larned' him! Why do so many men tag on and make a queue behind the baby as if women took maternity leave to parent them?

I've read the whole thread, I can put it in all caps if needed, but why would you treat your partner like a child though? If you don't like certain foods (that millions eats without turning their noses up) then give suggestions. I also wouldn't have my partner talk me to like that, ridiculous - all for a salt-laden warmed up take away.

We both cook and neither cooks stuff the other one doesn't like. Why would you even do that?

It is it not bloody 'fussy' not to want to eat a ready meal for your dinner!

Pretty much zero nutritional content in a cheap ready meal - news flash - that's why it's cheap! Honestly what the fuck do you think they make it out of for that price.

'Not fussy' means a range of tastes/flavours/ingredients/cuisines, nor 'am prepared to eat non nutritional and unhealthy shite'

I'd be annoyed at him not thinking , not doing anything and asking. However I'd be quite happy with ready meal lasagne and waffles 🙈

We eat quite a lot of ready meals because I'm not very interested in cooking and not very good at it. Not everyone is a foody ponce skilled cook. I think that any parent should be able to produce a meal and when there are two adults in the house, there should definitely be turn-taking over who makes dinner. But if one of those adults really doesn't like cooking then, as long as that adult does a fair share of other domestic work (eg does more of the kid-bathtimes, or the washing up, or always takes the bins out) then the other adult should not expect to micromanage how meals are provided when it's the non-cook's turn to produce food.

And I don't have a lot of patience with people who are precious about convenience food. Unless you have an actual health issue which means you have to avoid certain things (and I don't mean the latest variation of attention-seeker syndrome), shut the fuck up and eat what you're given.

No they fucking didn't.

Just as now - some were great, some weren't.

I suspect overall, things are better now. I might be wrong but I really doubt there are less capable men now. Based on my sons and those of my friends and family, they are (on the whole) better than my ex.

sorry that should have had @Drabarni at the start

Fuck me some of these replies. Just because OP doesn't want to eat a shitty ready meal lasagne doesn't mean that she's a fussy eater! Surely no one would be happy with a ready meal lasagne from the corner shop?

YANBU OP.

I'm with you @OP

Next time this happens, tell him that if he can’t manage simple household tasks, then you’ll quit your job, become a stay-at-home mom, and take care of everything household related. This would freak the hell out of my husband and he would suddenly remember where the pots and pans were.

Jeez.. I imagine myself in husband's place. My turn to cook dinner. I call him: what would you like for dinner, dear? You didn't take any meat out (AS YOU ALWAYS DO), so I'm unsure what to prepare.
Him: I completely don't care, I'll eat anything, as long as I'm not responsible for it.
I bring lasagne home.
Him: OMG!!!! Who eats that shit! Surely not me! How dare you???!! The cheek!!

Told me 'he doesn't care', told me 'he'd eat anything', didn't tell me 'I'll eat anything as long as it's a choice between coq au vin, venison steak or filet mignon'. No, it was ANYTHING.

I'd tell him to go, fuck himself and cook his own goddamn meal.

Oh, and also I'm one of these pathetic loosers who eats frozen dinners from time to time, nice to meet you all! And it's usually not 'tesco finest' ones, not M&S, not Waitrose (never even been in one, but now I'm almost glad), not even Sainsbury's. But stuff from Iceland or Lidl for £1 or a few quid as I don't earn much (and I'm REALLY not a fussy eater). I can cook from scratch and most of the time do that, but sometimes I'm too tired, too lazy, or can't be bothered. Now shoot me.

YANBU, and I hope you're enjoying your curry. Not wanting to eat a crap ready meal (and I've been living on them recently due to having no kitchen) doesnt make you a fussy eater or a poncey foodie

Really, 'Shadow*?! Surely it would go more like 'hmm, husband hasn't left any meat out. It's 2pm so perhaps I'll ring now and find out what he fancies for tea.'

How ypu organise your family is not the point though shadow.

Op dh knows what to feed the family based on the norms in the house.

He didn't bother with anything at all in the 3 hours he had to himself (which op doesn't get) and then when she was wtf he flounced out and got her something he knew she wouldn't like and that wouldn't be shared with the baby.

It's a dick move.

It doesn't reflect on how you organise your family, iyswim.

I am a keen purchaser of ready meals myself.

Roadkill eh? Maybe next Friday you could order up some badger and rice.

Ugh all of the women staying “she didn’t communicate” - don’t raise your sons to turn out like her husband please

Surely no one would be happy with a ready meal lasagne from the corner shop?

Except all the people on this thread who've said they'd be quite happy with that....

My husband adores ready meals and takeaways. I don't. I cook and he scoffs those too. It's all just food to him but, if there's a Fray Bentos steak and kidney pudding available then that is food of the gods to him.

Except all the people on this thread who've said they'd be quite happy with that....

Most people have said they eat them when they’re tired/skint/can’t be arsed cooking, not that they would be their preference for the only meal their husband has to cook every week when he’s just sitting about for three hours beforehand.