To think my Mil should stop mentioning nursery every we see her?

[PedroTheCowboy]

My Mil always mentions nursery when she is here. She keeps saying dc won't get into a good school if he doesn't go to nursery because primary schools have a "feeder" nursery school. Is that the case? Also AIBU to think how me and dh raise our dc is none of her business and to mention the same thing every time she is here is rather annoying?

Not true at all. I’ve always understood that just because you are in the nursey it doesn’t mean you will get into the school. I’m in a big city though not sure what it’s like where you are. Just ignore her if it’s not what you want! So annoying though, Why do some people push their opinions on others

Some nursery schools are feeder schools, yes. Does MIL know something you don’t maybe?

Do you want your dc to go to a particular oversubscribed and popular school?

What does your H say?

Ops title should be To think my Mil should stop mentioning nursery every time we see her?

Its true where I am but I'm in Scotland so could be different from where you are.
Also how old is your DC and are there waiting lists for nurserys near you

It’s not the case in our LEA. A lot of schools don’t have nurserys and they aren’t suitable for working parents due to the hours they are open.

Why not check your LEA website for the admissions arrangement of your local schools. Ours are based on distance unless older siblings already attending/faith where applicable/SENs/service families/looked after children.

I would check your councils and local schools admissions policies. Where I am nursery has no influence over admissions at all but I have heard others do. It used to be more common so could be what it was like for mil but not now. I would still be annoyed that she keeps bringing it up though.

Makes no difference at our local schools but I guess it varies place to place.

We live in SE London and the nursery your child goes to has absolutely NO bearing on where they will get into state primary school

If it's the private school sector then presumably you'll get in anywhere if you're prepared to pay

Everyone's telling you she's factually not correct but that's not your question.

No YANBU - she should keep her beak out.
Is she trying to make it very obvious she doesn't want to provide childcare?

NoSauce
Think she works on the board of a school. She lives in a different city in a different county if its different in different areas of England?
The schools in our catchment are under subscribed. The better ones are out of our catchment area and are church of England schools. To get into the better oversubscribed schools I assume we would need to move and also attend church every Sunday (not sure I want to do that as I'm an atheist).
Dh is fine with me being a sahm and it works for us. Because alot of my salary would go on nursery costs and travel costs to get to work. Dh would have to do the picks ups as I would get home to late from work which he can't do when he has one of his conferences and workshops that are usually abroad. I wouldn't be able to get enough time of work to cover them all. He is away more than the 20 days I would get as holidays. We have no family near by to help. I would still end up doing all the cooking and cleaning still as well as commuting for 4 hours during the week.

• That's 4 hours commuting each day

It's not like that anywhere I've ever lived (3 different counties). My daughter is currently at a school nursery but there's no guarantee she'll end up being allowed to go to the school next September. The only things that are counted are having older siblings at the school and being in the catchment area.

My Mil always mentions nursery when she is here. She keeps saying dc won't get into a good school if he doesn't go to nursery because primary schools have a "feeder" nursery school.

Tell her to stop right there as what she is telling you is completely wrong.

Some MILs become a bit obsessed about area s they consider themselves an expert in. (my MIL area of self considered expertise is raising children...) I find sayng 'that's interesting' and changing the subject is the only way to stop myself being enraged when she refuses to consider that my viewpoint might be valid.

I don't think it is supposed to work that way in general, but it did for us, offered second choice school as first choice (Where we had used nursery/pre-school) was way out of catchment, we were about 6th on waiting list, but nursery manager spoke to school and we were offered a place (very, very late in the day !) I wouldn't want to assume it would help though.

OP, all LA publish their schools admission criteria. You don’t need to assume anything as you can check for yourself. Many church schools have churchgoing as a priority but certainly not all.

There aren't many nurseries attached to schools in my area and none of them give priority access to the school.

You need to check out how the school admissions in your area work and be sure of your ground.

You mother should also keep her beak out unless she has specific knowledge about admissions which you are ignoring.

Do we have the same MIL?

No idea about school admissions but solidarity fist bump on the endless conversations about nursery.

Its true where I am but I'm in Scotland so could be different from where you are

I’m in Scotland too and it isn’t true. It may carry some weight if making a placement request but it certainly isn’t mandatory. Otherwise it would be unfair who use other nurseries for full time childcare.

Looking at the admissions policies and they say siblings attending, in catchment area and much attend church for a 18 times a year for a year

Some nursery schools are feeder schools, yes. Does MIL know something you don’t maybe?

Not for maintained schools or academies, which have to comply with the law on school admissions.

blamethecat You get school places based on admissions criteria. If the admissions criteria did not mention nursery children getting a preference, then the school is not allowed to show any preference.

If it was very late in the day, you probably got the place from 6th on the waiting list because the people higher than you decided to stick with the place they'd been offered.

OP - this is often true for private schools (DC at school nursery get automatic rights of movement into the school) but not generally true for state schools. But you should check the admissions criteria of the school you are interested in. Your MIL may know something you don't , or she might just be remembering how things used to be. My mother was insistent for ages that I should write my educational qualifications on the school admissions form as the school would be more likely to admit a child who had a very well educated parent. I literally had to show her the admissions form with its complete lack of place to put any such information before she would back down.

Best think to do is go on your LEA website and find out the info from there. Very very few schools work on that basis around nursery. Most work on 1. Cared for children 2. Siblings 3. Catchment.

There are obviously variations to this but I think this is relatively common across most schools in England.

Check the website and then show MIL the info. Then tell.her to keep her nose out!!

It would annoy me.. YANBU.

We living Wales, DS goes to an English nursery that's not attached to a school. The only nurseries that are attached to schools near me are Welsh schools. A friend had her little boy in one near her and surprise he didn't get into the actual school.

Why don’t you call one of the schools you are hoping to enroll your child at while MIL is visiting and ask the question. That way you can say either “ you have a point MIL” or “turns out you don’t need to go to nursery to get a place MIL”