To think my Mil should stop mentioning nursery every we see her?

[PedroTheCowboy]

My Mil always mentions nursery when she is here. She keeps saying dc won't get into a good school if he doesn't go to nursery because primary schools have a "feeder" nursery school. Is that the case? Also AIBU to think how me and dh raise our dc is none of her business and to mention the same thing every time she is here is rather annoying?

@PedroTheCowboy I’m sorry, it does sound like she doesn’t like you. She’s trying to parent o we you because you’ll do it wrong. That’s why she didn’t want you to have kids.

Do you see her often? Tell her the next time she starts on about it that it’s not up for discussion, and if it’s brought up again you’ll end the visit. Then, end the visit

No such thing as a “feeder nursery” @DCOkeford. OP’s MIL has explicitly said that OP needs to put the child in nursery otherwise he won’t get into a good school. Being at nursery will not make a jot of difference to the admissions process- it confers no advantage whatsoever over other kids applying who have not been in the nursery.

However, I do agree that going to nursery generally would ease the transition to reception, socially. And attending the nursery in the same premises as the school, all the better. But to confuse the issue by saying that nursery attendance is necessary to secure a place at the right school is disingenuous on the MIL’s part.

The Ombudsmen has ruled that a school's admissions criteria should not include attendance at a linked nursery as nursery education is not statutory and it therefore disadvantages families who do not choose to engage in nursery education or who use a childminder.

Every LA has been notified of thus so no state school should have it in their criteria.

(I'm an Admissions manager)

@ArgumentativeAardvaark

No such thing as a “feeder nursery”

I beg to differ - Where I am, the nursery is part of the actual school and the reception class is almost entirely comprised from the nursery group.

You can have a nursery section in a school but you still need to apply for a place in Reception, preferencing that school if you want your Child to stay there.

DCOkeford you might want to Charmatt’s post above. The concept of having to go to a “feeder” nursery to get a place at the school is illegal.

The situation you describe is common- of course, geographically, it is highly likely that the majority of kids in a school nursery will go on to Reception in the same school. But they didn’t get that school place because they went to the nursery. Conversely, if the school is oversubscribed then a child who attended the nursery (and doesn’t tick any of the other admissions boxes) will not take priority over a non-nursery child who lives closer.

If you are just using the term “feeder” to mean “the nursery that happens to have a high proportion of kids who go on to Reception in the same school” then fine, but that is not how OP’s MIL is using the expression. She is saying that one needs to go to the “feeder” to have a chance of getting into the school.

LovePoppy your probably right there. Thankfully at the moment it's every 2 months. But it's more during the holidays like Christmas when dh insists we stay at her house. Which I hate and ruins my Christmas

Just spent ages looking up alot of the primary school admissions criteria in my city. None mention nursery school. Even the best ones rated outstanding by ofsted. Alot say criteria is the county admission criteria which again doesn't mention nursery. It's 1) children in care, 2) those with medical, social and welfare needs the school can only meet, 3) siblings at the school, 4) catchment area.
Also looked up the county admissions policy in the area my Mil lives and is supposed to be on the board of a school and again no nursery mentioned it's those same 4 criteria.

School admission is completely based on the above criteria you mention.

How does your mil think it works then if a child is at nursery close to a parents work (instead of close to home). Should they not get a school place even if they LIVE near the school then 🙄 because they went to nursery elsewhere !?

I think she is probably confused and thinking of pre schools, which were probably all that existed when her children were small. They would have possibly have had preference over school places 30 odd years ago, not now though.

Does she also think then that the only children whose parents can afford to send them to nursery get their preferred school place ? 🙄🤷‍♀️

I’m so sorry all your Christmas’ Are being ruined. Can you start staying home for your own traditions now? What about visiting after Christmas ? (Never before as then she’ll have “first and REAL” Christmas.

You need to talk to your partner about how you are feeling. your wants matter

Yanbu

I agree with the poster that says nursery is good for children.

If your DC doesn't have to go, perhaps send them when free funding kicks in.
There are nurseries similar to playschools or slightly more like Reception. But all are fun and help prepare gor school.
How old will DC be when they start school?

I don’t think nursery is always good for children- it depends on the child.

And the “prepare for school” thing strikes me as odd. Reception is preparation for school. Hence the name!

When my DS was in a school nursery, there were about 15 children who didn’t get a place in the school.

Where I live, nearly if not all the schools have school nurseries and most people send their children. Our local authority confirms its no guarantee of a place x

LovePoppy it used to be Christmas eve until the day after boxing day for years until I put my foot down. Now it's usually boxing day and staying two or three nights. It's me and dh constantly talked down to like we are children who have no idea how to manage our life without mil's devine intervention that gets annoying. I'll have to be firm in leaving on the day we arrive or leaving the next morning.

Mil should know that's the admissions criteria as she says she works on the board of the school? I think she is perhaps lieing since she has been saying dc should go to nursery before he was born

What do you mean she “works on the board”? Do you mean she says she is a governor? Schools often list their governors on their website- take a look.

What do you mean she “works on the board”

What does this mean? She volunteers as a governor?

Yeah, that’s what I said @fedup .

You can disagree all you like but you're wrong. Schools are legally bound by the schools admissions process, they aren't allowed to put preference on children who have attended the nursery. 99% of children in daughters nursery attended the school because they all lived close and happened to get in, the fact that they attended the nursery we irrelevant. The only difference to this is fee paying schools who can set their own entrance requirements, religious schools who can insist on church attendance etc and some academies who have agreed with the lea and have evidence to support a change in the entrance requirements which apart from one school who changed the order of distance and sibling preference (which still wouldn't be effected by nursery attendance) I've never seen happen.

I don’t think nursery is always good for children- it depends on the child.

Exactly.

There's nothing a nursery can do that you can't do as a caring and involved parent. Some things you can do better, like getting out and about, meeting different people and introducing new experiences as nurseries can be (quite understandably) limited in that respect.

The one thing I would consider is the option to place a child in a pre-school or nursery which is attached to or close to the school for a term or two before starting in reception.

There has to be a transition to being cared for in a group at some point and I think that transition can be eased by doing it in an early years setting. This sort of setting may have better adult to child ratios and can therefore spend a little more time supporting the children so the process is a little more gentle.

Other than that, your DC does not need to go to nursery unless there are factors affecting the quality of his home life that you haven't mentioned.

fedup21
ArgumentativeAardvaark
I'm not entirely sure. Mil phrased it as works on the board of a school. Pretty sure it's voluntary work. I didn't want to probe into it, because she never shuts up as it is. In the past I remember her going on about how important it is, and the school practically begged her to do it . Will that most likely be volunteering as governor? What does that involve? Sorry I'm pretty ignorant about schools.
Also not sure what school it is, dh doesn't know either.

But I will defend to the death the right of a mother to put their child in child care for no reason more than that she wants or needs to. Without being questioned or guilt tripped by anyone, including herself.

OP, I would get a hold of the Ombudsman’s ruling that @Charmatt mentions and send it to your MIL. That should close the issue once and for all.

And also suggest googling her name plus “governor”.

Why on Earth would you not know know what she does at which school? How very odd!

Found it, hope this isnt too outing. She is co-opted Governor. What would that entail?