To think my Mil should stop mentioning nursery every we see her?

[PedroTheCowboy]

My Mil always mentions nursery when she is here. She keeps saying dc won't get into a good school if he doesn't go to nursery because primary schools have a "feeder" nursery school. Is that the case? Also AIBU to think how me and dh raise our dc is none of her business and to mention the same thing every time she is here is rather annoying?

She shouldn't keep going on about it whatever the admissions are in your area. How old is your child? Maybe she has other motivations for encouraging nursery, if due to start school next year it doesn't hurt to get used to a similar environment a couple of mornings a week first, or maybe she regrets giving up her own career/financial independence

Many of my local private schools are so oversubscribed that they give first priority to those that go to their nursery/preprep. Equally se CoE schools can decide their own admission criteria rather than the LA so it comes down to where you are and which schools you are looking.

However, regardless, YANBU and it’s none of her business.

Is it really about schools, or is MIL trying to tactfully suggest that your DC would benefit from some time at nursery - getting used to being cared for by other adults, making friends independently, wide variety of activities, needing to follow rules/ways of doing things that may be different to what happens at home, exposure to the early years curriculum? Totally fine for you to be a SAHM but still have DC in nursery for a few days or mornings a week for all those benefits, plus giving you a bit of independent time.

Not sure how old your DC is, but I think to go from being at home with you full time straight into reception without ever having attended nursery might be a tough transition.

Bellsofstclements solidarity fist bump, it is endless. She was talking about it before dc was born. First it was for social skills and now its to get into primary school.

Maybe your MIL is just very worried that nursery is a feeder and you appear to not realise (from her POV)? If you just said to her ‘Don’t worry MIL, schools in this area prioritise on distance from school and nursery has no bearing on admissions, I’ve checked it all out with the council’, she might just stop going on about it?

She could (very cackhandedly) be trying to ensure your DD doesn’t miss out.

Yes in quite a lot of areas if you want a specific school (comp or private) then preference is given to the kids who already attend it’s nursery. You should check with your local schools as to what rules they have - they might be undersubscribed specifically for this reason.

I’m pretty sure that’s never the case. Check where you live- but I think I’m right. Then tell her. And ask her to stop talking about it.

I’m not sure what relevance you bring a SAHM is. Most of the local church hall pre-schools are used by SAHM with the 15 hours funding for early years education. Working parents tend to use private nurserys as they are open all year round.

Utter rubbish. One of mine went to nursery one didn't. This was because he was always poorly with a low immune system so I pulled him out. Still goes to a fantastic school.

Dc is 21 months old

No ordinary state schools give priority to children from the nursery (even if it’s in the same building). You have to apply in the same way as everyone else and will be allocated a school based on the same criteria as everyone else too
Unfortunately there is so much misinformation around school admissions, usually because someone did something and coincidentally they got into a certain school (as they fitted the criteria) and then they tell everyone their tactic worked
It’s a good idea to send your child to a preschool near to the school they will most likely go to even if it’s just a couple of mornings from age 3 so that they are used to the set up and it improves their chances of knowing other children in Reception too

I thought school ‘nurserys’ (pre-school) usually start at ages 3?

Print off the admissions criteria for your preferred schools. Give them to her. Tell her it’s fine. Smile sweetly. Ignore

I am guessing if your mil keeps going on about it she may be tactfully trying to point out that your dd could benefit from nursery. I had a similar conversation a few times with my cousin as her daughter was an absolute nightmare behaviourwise but she and her DH were used to it and didn’t see a problem.

Your MIL is nuts. Why pay for childcare for a child under two if you are happy looking after them at home.

All three of my kids went to pre-school but then a different school to the one it was attached to.

Nursery isn’t the same as pre-school - your daughter isn’t old enough for pre-school yet which is the important part!

Find out from your LA and next time she mentions it give her the facts you've found out.

Teddybear45 how old was their dd and what kind of behaviour if you don't mind me asking.

Also mil has been talking about nursery since I was 12 weeks pregnant. She also tried to bribe dh by saying she would pay for part of nursery before he was even 1. She was also strongly against bf. She has an opinion on everything

I would have thought it would be good for you and your DC to use the funded 30 hours at age 3 (Sept after 3rd birthday); as children get older they benefit from interacting with other children. If you think you will use that, then maybe telling your MIL that there is a different plan will make the whole conversation go away. If you don't want to send your DC at 3 then that's a different matter, are you against nursery in principle or just right now?

Where I live if you apply for a place at the attached school nursery you then have to reapply for primary.
There are several families each year who live way out of catchment and get a nursery place however are then refused a primary place. Often accompanied by sad face pictures in local paper and 'fuming' statuses on Facebook because the falsely believe a nursery place guarantees a primary place.

Interesting that @Teddybear45 has thoughts on behaviour, I distinctly recall the handle from another thread saying that children should be left to physically fight it out over access to a toy car. And that the poster would grab another parent by the throat if they intervened to save their child from being dragged out of the car. Was the cousin's child not violent enough for your tastes?

In England a nursery place means abs nothing with regard to reception admissions. You will most likely get your catchment school (usually your closest one) unless a one you particularly like isn't oversubscribed. But the nursery place has absolutely zero bearing on whether you get into the school or not. Usually first come first served for nursery spaces tho so it may be wise to think about it

'Oh that's interesting. Shame... looks like I might have to think about homeschooling. Oh well. Perhaps we won't even bother applying if you think that's true, MIL.'

I could have written this post, MIL obsessed that my children would fail in life if they didn't go to nursery. To the point that she actually took my child to go and see a nursery, then told us how much she loved it! I am happy to say we resisted the pressure and didn't send them to nursery and both children settled into primary really well, with teachers amazed that they hadn't been to nursery. Nursery has its place but I really believe the current obsession with the necessity of it is so depressing. Being at home with a loving and nurturing primary care giver is so much better than any nursery.

Nurseries re from birth and usually commercial enterprises that from around 7.30/8 to 6 pm.
Preschools tend (not always) to be run by committee not for profit and offer 9-3 care. They are much cheaper and not open in school holidays.
This is just general though