To think my Mil should stop mentioning nursery every we see her?

[PedroTheCowboy]

My Mil always mentions nursery when she is here. She keeps saying dc won't get into a good school if he doesn't go to nursery because primary schools have a "feeder" nursery school. Is that the case? Also AIBU to think how me and dh raise our dc is none of her business and to mention the same thing every time she is here is rather annoying?

@MRex - my cousin’s child was hurting herself when she felt any kind of emotion, throwing herself down stairs and banging her head against windows or the floor until it bruised or bled. Nursery was required and a few months after joining the girl got flagged for a CAMHs referral. She has since been diagnosed with ASD but won’t know how severe it has the potential to be until she’s older: that wouldn’t have happened if my cousin stayed at home. And if you read my posts rather than the snippets other people quoted and the OP’s post - you would find it wasn’t me who slapped down the hands of another person’s child it was that OP. that is never acceptable and yes if any adult Did that to my three year old I would destroy them.

And also for state schools around us, entry to nursery is entirely separate to entry to primary, being in a particular nursery will not get you into the school

Ffs. This is mad. Children who have bright parents who talk and read to and with them, and take an interest will do well. No need to lie and subject your child to anything you don't believe in. Obviously a failing school would be a concern, but I presume you take your child out and meet other people so they will develop social skills. Tell her to stop it, you will know when your child is ready .

I think MIL, having made the point once should keep out of it. However, it might be she's mentioning it again because it can be ridiculous in some areas how early you have to register/apply or put your name on the waiting list.
Personally, I think it is absolutely up to you, but I think it does them good to have a few nursery sessions before starting reception just to get them used to things. Although I guess that taking them to playgroups and sporting sessions etc would also help.
The only thing to do to stop her going on about it is to be clued up on the current system, which is different in each area. Its also not a bad idea to wander around some open days so have a chance to see things first hand in your catchment area. Again, it might be crazy early or not depending on where you life.

“ yes if any adult Did that to my three year old I would destroy them”

Maybe you could do with some nursery sessions to socialise you.....

Your MIL is wrong. In England you apply through the council giving preferences as to which school you would like and then the council allocate the places.

All children aged 3-4 are entitled to 15 hours per week of Early Years Education, it's optional and up to you which setting you choose. If your DC is 3 between
Sept-Dec - they go the following January
Jan-March - they go the following April
Apr-Aug - the go the following September

I was a SAHM with both of mine and the both went to the nursery attached to a local primary school, then when we applied for primary school we did put down that school as 1st preference and luckily we got it (but there was no guarantee that we would)

If you do think you will want your DC to go to nursery when they are 3, you apply directly to the school and I would start looking now.

Outdated advice, feeder schools no longer exist. You don’t necessarily get a place in the school if they went to the nursery.

My DC didn’t go to nursery, they didn’t die.

@Teddybear45 - that OP didn't "slap down the hands", she removed the child's hands from her own child; very different situation. Clearly you misunderstood what was said. Deep breaths before (over)reacting!

Some schools have nurseries attached but usually that doesn't give them preference for admission to the school. School admission is through the local authority and the process is seperate from the nursery admissions..
And you are not being unreasonable your child and your choice.

I think in state system it's usual to have admissions criteria none of which are usually nursery attendance, although some academies are amending their admissions policies so worth checking for your local school.
If you are considering independent education you might find this has slightly more truth, but it wouldn't necessarily mean full time nursery, a lot of independent schools would have you in for the year or two pre reception, and you could likely opt for a few mornings. From a socialisation point of view you might find when your dc reaches 3 or so that they would quite enjoy a bit of nursery, maybe with forest school etc. The more popular ones will book up fast, so perhaps go and visit a few and see what you think?

Doesn't have any bearing at all in the part of Gloucestershire I'm in

I work in a preschool that is on a school site and attendance or otherwise makes no difference to admissions. The only way it could have an impact would be if a place had been refused and the fact that a child might have a strong social network could be included on an appeal, but even then it's unlikely to make a difference.
Apart from anything, there's plenty of time to send your child to preschool if you choose to, e.g when the 15 hours funding kicks in the term after they turn 3 (or 2 if you meet the criteria), so could you just buy yourself some time by saying you'll consider it then?

Not sure if it applies to primary schools but there’s a junior school near me that states they are a feeder school to a local senior school.

MIL is talking complete horseshit and you go ahead and enjoy your DD while she is little

I don’t think any private nursery have ‘feeder’ primaries that offer any sort of advantage to gaining a place.

Some schools (often in areas of high social deprivation) have a nursery class attached for children to attend for mornings or afternoons the year before Reception. Most of these children would probably attend the primary afterwards, and could be classed as a feeder, but I would think you still need to apply via the normal admissions route.

Your MIL seems to be talking about a private daycare though. These will be expensive, will not be feeders and won’t help you in getting a primary place. More importantly, if you are a SAHM you look after your child and you aren’t working, you would have no reason to pay for childcare??

Is your MIL objecting to you giving up work and is using this an excuse?? Is the primary school feeder crap just a diversion!?

Mil was definitely against me giving up work. Saying a need to have a job. She tried to get dh on her side by saying she would pay for part of nursery.

This sounds much more like a you and work thing than a nursery thing.

Is she concerned her poor boy is having to do all the earning?

If he is 100% happy with you being at home, he needs to make that crystal clear to her and tell her how it makes you BOTH feel when she bangs in about nursery.

It's easy to check what the priorities are for schools you might be considering. Usually even when in a school attendance at a nursery does not guarantee anything.

Our daughter goes to a nursery attached to a school, we still have to apply through the usual system and it doesn't bump us up the list her already going there. It might be true for some schools but certainly not around where we live.

Yeah it probably is a me work thing. Her poor boy doing all the earning. She would be fine with me working full time, commuting for 4 hours a day and doing all the cooking and cleaning though. And me using all my holiday time to pick up the dc when dh is away for work

Your child is only 21 months, why is she in a hurry to get them into a nursery? My daughter started at 3 and we'll do the same with her brother. I don't think they get very much out of it when they are little, they just seem to catch a lot of germs going by my friend's children. We were very lucky that my parent's helped out so we never needed to use a private nursery. I'd just ignore her.

Your MIL is nuts. Where a school has a nursery attached (and not all schools do), you still need to apply to the school, and be allocated a place (or not) via their published admissions criteria. Chances are, if you go to the attached pre-school, you live close by, or have a sibling at the main school so you are fairly high priority anyway.

It may have worked differently when your MIL was raising children OP, she may mean well.

I've just been through this with my DS. He attended a school nursery but didn't get accepted to the actual school. Luckily we appealed and won but this had nothing to do with him going to the school nursery. There was another boy who also went to nursery and didn't get a place in reception and they were specifically told it makes no difference.

She is being ridiculous and it’s nothing to do with her!

I presume she worked full time when your husband was 1 with a 4 hour commute plus doing all of the housework?

We had a similar thread to this recently where a FIL was going on and on about putting a baby’s name down for school.

I am 99% sure that in the state school system in England there is no priority given to children who attend a nursery connected to a school. Some parents choose to send their child to the nursery to ease the transition, but attending the nursery does NOT guarantee a place at the school and most are crystal clear about that.

OP, this is simple. Step away from Mumsnet and look at the school applications information for your local authority. Read the part that explains how school places are in no way whatsoever linked to nursery attendance. Show this to your MIL. Also show it to your husband and get him to discuss it with your MIL, since it is entirely unfair that he is not also on the receiving end of her interfering.

If she is referring to private schools then you need to look at the admission criteria for each school.