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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to not let MIL watch my dd and I have swim lessons

164 replies

KKAK · 27/09/2019 08:42

From 2 weeks after giving birth, my MIL started telling me how I should start to think about losing weight. From 6 weeks after birth, almost every day she would offer to look after my dd and pester me to go for a jog to lose weight. She would always make comments whenever I had chocolate or crisps.

I got told that "if this is my state after 1 child, what will you be like after the second child"... This was 5 months after birth, I could get back into my size 10 Jeans however I had a lot of loose skin and big arms. She'll compare me to her daughter, telling me how skinny her daughter is after 2 children.

Now at 7 months I've started taking my dd to swimming lessons. My husband told me that his mum wants to watch. I flat out said no because I'm going to feel very self conscious about my weight in front of her in a swimming costume. This was relayed to her. The following day she saw my swimming costume hanging in the garden, she went out of her way to check the label for size. She then said to me that "size 12 isn't too bad, but dont get too comfortable now and think it's ok to stay a size 12". There's no way I would let her come swimming and she thinks I am being unreasonable but I disagree. Am I right to not let her watch?

OP posts:
SaiIorscout · 27/09/2019 08:45

She sounds like a complete witch! YANBU!

Slappadabass · 27/09/2019 08:46

You are definitely not been unreasonable.
I'd have told her to fuck right off by now, next time she speaks to you like that tell her to get the hell out of your house and not come back. She's a nasty piece of work by the sounds of it, I wouldn't even speak to her never mind let her watch me swim!

Slappadabass · 27/09/2019 08:46

And your husband needs to grow a pair and stick up for you!

Greywalls12 · 27/09/2019 08:46

What an asshole. Do you call her out on it when she mentions your weight? What about your DH?

Inarightpickleandpreserve · 27/09/2019 08:47

You could not be any more reasonable, I’m wondering why she wants to come?
Is it more to do with commenting on you or
Seeing the swimming?? I’d be suspicious

HairyFloppins · 27/09/2019 08:48

What a bitch, no way she would be watching me swimming. In fact I would find it hard to be in the same room as her.

Please stand up for yourself OP.

I am a size 20 and if my MIL even dared to tell me what to eat I would never speak to her ever again.

Original poster
KKAK · 27/09/2019 08:49

My husband has been great, he stands by my 100% and it has caused major arguments between them two which I hate but she brings it on herself

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 27/09/2019 08:49

Tell her, with your best death stare, that she is being incredibly rude to comment on your appearance. Do it Every. Single. Time.

Of COURSE she can’t come and watch your swimming lessons. Who does that anyway?

gamerchick · 27/09/2019 08:49

Is there nothing about her you can use as a comeback each and every time?

Tbh it's your husband who should be sticking up for you and getting his mother told. I'd be wondering if it was coming from him through his mother and asking that question.

QueenoftheBiscuitTin · 27/09/2019 08:50

Vile woman. There's no way I'd want to be anywhere near her. If she asked again I'd just laugh.

Original poster
KKAK · 27/09/2019 08:50

I have called her out every time, now I just walk past her and act like she's not even there. She thinks it's always best to say what u think Hmm

OP posts:
Ponoka7 · 27/09/2019 08:50

Is she from another culture? Because this is outrageous.

Your DH needs to intervene, but start being more blunt with her.

She isn't holding back, so you don't have to.

Ponoka7 · 27/09/2019 08:51

X post.

Tell her that even children are taught to not say what they think, so STFU.

hormonesorDHbeingadick · 27/09/2019 08:52

Every time she does it tell her to be rude and it’s time for her to leave.

Sayhellotothethings · 27/09/2019 08:52

Your MIL sounds like an absolute cow.

GhoulWithADragonTattoo · 27/09/2019 08:52

The only unreasonable thing is not chucking her out of your home. She sounds mean. Might be different if she wants the three of you to go swimming together but to ask to watch is awful. Especially given her unkind comments.

Shoxfordian · 27/09/2019 08:53

I wouldn't let her in the house if she was my mil

MrsMozartMkII · 27/09/2019 08:53

Tell her she's being rude, it's none of her business what size you are/aren't, and if she doesn't remember her manners then you won't be seeing her very often.

CherryPavlova · 27/09/2019 08:53

Why have you allowed her to behave in this way towards you? Commit to shutting her down as soon as she says anything. A simple and non-confrontational “That’s really not an acceptable thing to say. It’s very hurtful” repeated as often as necessary should help,her understand limits of acceptable behaviour.

Tractorgirlz · 27/09/2019 08:54

I’d tell her outright, stop being a bitch!

DPotter · 27/09/2019 08:55

She is sooo out of order. She checked your swim suit size ??????? Frankly I'd have said something harsh way before now. Think you have 2 options

  1. Get your DH to tell her to reign it NOW or
  2. you will tell her and it won't be pretty

Whether or not you feel self conscious in your swimming costume, if you don't want her to come and watch your swimming lesson (and lets me honest -there will not be a lot to see) - that is totally OK. You don't need a reason other than you don't want her to.
As far as your weight is concerned, you are totally fine - it takes 9 months to grow a baby and it's perfectly fine for it to take 9 months for your body to loose weight etc. Some women seem to go back to their original figures immediately after birth. The rest of us take our time.

FedUp1850 · 27/09/2019 08:56

Oh I'd hit the roof! YANBU

YABU to even ask if YABU.

BlueMoonRising · 27/09/2019 08:57

Mil must have found the thread, you have one person thinking yabu HmmGrin

Sunshine93 · 27/09/2019 08:58

I would say if you can't avoid talking to m about my weight I will have to reduce the an unt of contact I have with you. Your are rude and unpleasant and I am perfectly happy with the way I look. I don't want to lose weight and I certainly won't do it for you.

There's nothing wrong with size 10/12!

Jenny70 · 27/09/2019 08:59

Definitely don't let her come. She can don bathers and take DD if she's desperate to see her granddaughter "swim".

But you also need to stop her silly weight comments. Size 10-12 is a perfectly healthy size, and your body shape sounds completely normal after pregnancy.

I'd be talking to DH and MIL about these negative weight comments, as it will soon be directed to DD (whether it is that she is too fat, too skinny etc). Come up with a standard response along the lines of "I am more concerned about my good health and happiness than the size of my bathers/jeans/body."

If she doesn't stop be more direct, "your comments on my size are insulting, I am worth far more than my size and I would appreciate you stop saying that the size I am isn't good enough. I am a healthy, intelligent, artist person and you constantly try to mention my size. Just stop, and never utter a word about DD's size unless you are asked."