AIBU to not let MIL watch my dd and I have swim lessons

[KKAK]

From 2 weeks after giving birth, my MIL started telling me how I should start to think about losing weight. From 6 weeks after birth, almost every day she would offer to look after my dd and pester me to go for a jog to lose weight. She would always make comments whenever I had chocolate or crisps.

I got told that "if this is my state after 1 child, what will you be like after the second child"... This was 5 months after birth, I could get back into my size 10 Jeans however I had a lot of loose skin and big arms. She'll compare me to her daughter, telling me how skinny her daughter is after 2 children.

Now at 7 months I've started taking my dd to swimming lessons. My husband told me that his mum wants to watch. I flat out said no because I'm going to feel very self conscious about my weight in front of her in a swimming costume. This was relayed to her. The following day she saw my swimming costume hanging in the garden, she went out of her way to check the label for size. She then said to me that "size 12 isn't too bad, but dont get too comfortable now and think it's ok to stay a size 12". There's no way I would let her come swimming and she thinks I am being unreasonable but I disagree. Am I right to not let her watch?

I have called her out every time, now I just walk past her and act like she's not even there. She thinks it's always best to say what u think

Next time, ask her to leave.

Wow 😮 she is a peach 🍑

What sort of hideous fat-shaming message is she going to subject your daughter to? I'll be honest, I think people should am to be fit and a healthy weight. However, no one has achieved that by being subject to the sort of crap your MIL is coming out with, its the way to body issues.

Who the fuck is the 1%
Show yourself you coward and justify your support for this rude MIL
I wouldn't let her bear my house OP. Meet on natural territory. She has no right to look at your clothes labels

Your husband shouldn't have told her why she wasn't invited, that was unnecessary of human and destined to cause aggro.
Why is she round every day, I'd not be answering the door to someone who treated me like this.

Unnecessary of him

Disfordarkchocolate - totally agree about message to dd as she gets old enough to understand what is being said, and I think children take in messages like that very young indeed. MIL is a total bitch, saying what she is thinking all the time. Ffs, most of us would be locked up if we went round doing that, why does she think she should say whatever she wants to?

Sometimes there's a lot to be said for a simple "Fuck off Mary, you are weight obsessed, if you want to be obsessed with your own weight that's fine but one more comment on my weight, my clothes or my eating and it will be the last you see of me, and that is not an idle threat. I won't be apologising for this either so don't bother getting mortally offended and waiting on an apology" and leave or ask her to leave.

I called my mother in law a fucking bitch once, not my style, never happened before, never needs to happen again, it sorted everything out and felt fabulous, all is fine now

Oh to be a size 10/12

YANBU at all! I wouldnt enjoy the lessons knowing I was being judged on my size. Great your DH is backing you (as he should obviously, but still nice to hear)

I’m also wondering if she is the same cultural background as my MIL, who was obsessed with my post-baby weight and extremely rude about my appearance (I also went up to about a 12 and was not actually ‘overweight’)

I don't say this lightly but I would have told her to fuck off by now

She sounds like a total bitch. How dare she?

I also would consider how having a woman like this in your daughter life will effect her. She will start to extend these comments to your children.

Unacceptable.

You are definitely not being unreasonable!! I would be well pissed off if my MIL said anything of the sort to me! Does your DH not support you and intervene and tell her not to speak to you/about you in that way. If not, I would be pissed at him also for not standing up for me...… or is he a mummys boy.....?

I'm with CalmdownJanet. If your past attempts to shut her do haven't worked - time to ramp it up. PPs are right - its not just you, she'll be critical of your DD too and in any case, she shouldn't be criticising you in front of your DD in the future.

Maybe her own DD is 'so skinny' as she too has been fat shamed, but for far longer than you, OP!

Stop being polite, tell her to fuck off! Be very blunt, "Stop fat shaming, neither me nor my daughter will be subject to that sort of bullying"

And tel her to stop being so rude every single time she does it. Every time she justifies it as caring, tell her no, it is being rude, correct and contradict her, consistently, until she bursts... or just stops doing it!

God she sounds vile. I would be really tempted to tell her to fuck off every time she makes a comment about your weight. And an even bigger fuck off to watching your swimming classes! You are handling her really well so far, she sounds intolerable.

Oh please do adopt the same approach OP, and tell her what you are thinking. If it was me I would tell her that I dont care how skinny SIL is, I am me and happy at size 12, I will not lose weight for you, you vicious cow.

I dread to think what sort of things she would say in front of/to your DD as she grows up. Nip it in the bud early. You and your DH should both stand up to her, if not for yourself then for your daughter.

I wouldn’t be in a rush to hang out with her

What a bitch! Glad your DH is on your side, I'm not sure I'd have her in my house though.

I'd have a few swipes back but I'm also a bitch.
"Margaret, what size are those trousers, they're looking a bit snug"
"That tops a bit young looking isn't it"
"Have you done something with your hair, it looks dull"

At size 10-12 you are a slim woman. You’re MIL’s fixation on your weight is strangely obsessive. This isn’t just rude but extremely unhealthy. I would not want to be in her company at all and would worry about DD hearing these remarks when she is older.

You've just recently given her a beautiful grandchild and all she's bothered about is your size?!! The woman's an obsessive nutter and I would keep her well away from my child if I were you. Honestly tell her to fuck off until she learns to keep her rude opinions to herself, the cunt.

Surely this can’t be real?? This is shocking, I can not believe people like this actually exist?!
Awful.

I actually wouldn't let her anywhere near your DD as she'll pass on her horrible weight issues to her. Tell her if she makes one more comment about anyone's weight (either positive or negative) that that'll be the end of her seeing your DD!

Dear god. I only read the first few lines of your post and I was already thinking if MiL dares suggest I couldn’t eat chocolate whilst on mat leave I would have thrown her out of my house.

No yanbu.