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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to be gutted by my birthday surprise!

953 replies

TheresAMouse · 27/09/2019 08:26

I am turning 40 this year and never usually go to much trouble for my birthday. Seeing as it's a milestone one I decided to arrange something nice to mark the occasion. My partner and I have been together for about 2 years. We chose a lovely little cottage with a hot tub for a few nights just for the two of us. I arranged for my parents (who live out of the area) to have my two young kids and I was delighted with the plan. As my parents would be staying with us, I then had the opportunity to celebrate with them also with a meal when we got back.

My partner has now revealed the surprise that he didn't book that cottage and instead he's booked another one so that my parents, my kids, my sister and BIL and my partners kids will be coming away to celebrate my birthday. My immediate feeling was that I felt gutted. I'm not keen on the fuss and I was quite looking forward to being childfree for a few nights - as I rarely get the opportunity. I feel so ungrateful for feeling like this. I know he has gone to a lot of trouble to arrange this and I really do appreciate the sentiment behind it. If we didn't already have a plan in place (or so I thought) - I'm sure I would be delighted. We go away next weekend and I'm just feeling blah about it. I've told my partner I'm really grateful for the surprise etc. I really tried to hide my reaction but I know he knows I'm not ecstatic about it. I feel really awful about the whole thing. Please tell me am I being completely out of order?

OP posts:
redwitch5 · 12/10/2019 12:55

Happy Birthday TheresAMouse. Wine Cake
I'm sorry things didn't happen as you planned, the universe hates us some days. All I can suggest now is have a firm talk with DP about how not to do this again. I'd also have a talk with Mum, maybe over a cuppa, saying how gutted you were to loose your lovely planned getaway when you thought it was all arranged.
You handled this with better grace than I could, I would've had a tantrum of my own. And it would've been spectacular Grin, I hate change. Case in point; I'm moving into the "spare" bedroom after 10+ years in my room, and I'm swinging between excited, stroppy and scared, and I'm still in the same house just different room Confused.
But still, explain to DP and DM why this was not a good surprise and should not happen again.

Original poster
TheresAMouse · 12/10/2019 16:52

Today has been filled with horrendous toddler tantrums and I'm close to tears with it.

OP posts:
Ruralretreating · 12/10/2019 16:57

Oh no OP, I’m sorry to hear that. You have really handled this so graciously so far. Can someone get toddler to bed reasonably early so you can have a more relaxed evening? Sending virtual Wine

Drum2018 · 12/10/2019 17:03

I'd leave and come back when the kids are all in bed - find a cinema, a pub, anywhere to go by yourself. Your dp has been such a dick organising this weekend as there was no way it was going to be relaxing with the kids.

Catmaiden · 12/10/2019 17:12

Yep, if I were you I'd just bugger off out somewhere nice for the evening by yum ourself and leave H and Sis to deal with the ess they have made of your birthday weekend

HappyGoLuckyLuLu · 12/10/2019 17:18

Big glass of wine, head to the bathroom with wine & book, lock door & have a long peaceful soak away from everyone

WhoKnewBeefStew · 12/10/2019 17:20

Happy birthday OP
Wine

Aaarrgghhh · 12/10/2019 17:58

I’d leave, fuck that. Looks like all the worry about the weekend being shit from many posters wasn’t in vain. Walk out and if someone asks why just tell them to look around and ask if this is what they would want for their birthday when all they really wanted was a weekend to relax and sleep in.

pinkyredrose · 12/10/2019 18:27

Take yourself for a glass of wine and leave them all to it!

whattodo2019 · 12/10/2019 18:31

I would tell him to F right off! I would be livid!!!!

TheWernethWife · 12/10/2019 18:55

Yes I agree with being livid, you wanted this birthday treat so bad and it has now been turned into a nightmare thanks to your fuckwit partner. Have a good think about your relationship when you get home.

Original poster
TheresAMouse · 12/10/2019 20:35

We are currently ferrying kids through the hot tub so that DH and I can get half an hour to ourselves. Which I've had to request btw after such an awful day full of toddler tantrums lasting about 4 hours. I had a little cry to myself with the frustration of it all. It's honestly been such a hard day and I just don't know what the eff he was thinking agreeing to this weekend. He has apologised so many times while he's seen the reality of work it is. DH and I have just spent hours cooking dinner for everyone.

OP posts:
BloggersBlog · 12/10/2019 21:02

Why the heck hasnt your parents and sister helped??? The LAST thing you should be doing is cooking! Unbelievable that they havent stepped up and helped

ChicCroissant · 12/10/2019 21:04

Sorry it's been a rotten day for you OP - I'd be less inclined to accept his apologies as they come after he's got his own way. There still seems to be a lot of hand-wringing from him and no actual action.

Catmaiden · 12/10/2019 21:47

He's apologised wow!! But still, you are the one
dealing with the consequences of
his shit decisions? Why are you cleaning up his mess up?
What is the point asking weeks ahead., of something like this, If you won't listen?

What was the point in the original post, if you can't be arsed to listen?

Aaarrgghhh · 12/10/2019 22:09

The apology isn’t good enough. I’m glad he’s realising but he should have seen this coming. If you didn’t expect a weekend away alone with him then it wouldn’t be such a big deal and can be seen as one of Bose nice things that went shit. This is different though and this is why I would have had it out with him before going. What a shit wasted weekend. And it all could have been avoided if he just booked the cottage you showed him and arranged the time for.

Aaarrgghhh · 12/10/2019 22:10

Bose is meant to be the word those.

Catmaiden · 12/10/2019 23:28

Yeah, his apologies mean so much. Right. Really.

Catmaiden · 12/10/2019 23:34

Wtf? Why are you cooking dinner with your so called dear partner?

SummerWhisper · 12/10/2019 23:52

Promise all of us that tomorrow you will stay in bed and instruct your family to deal with the children and your partner to make you breakfast in bed and stay in bed until it'snesrly time to leave. DO NOT lift a finger. DO NOT do anything. Have you gone off him yet?

Happy 40th CakeWine

SummerWhisper · 12/10/2019 23:53
  • it's nearly
AlexaAmbidextra · 12/10/2019 23:56

Why the fuck are you cooking dinner? It’s your birthday weekend. I really hope your DH realises just how monumentally he has ruined your special birthday. I’d find it hard to forgive the whole lot of them tbh.

Another40ththread · 12/10/2019 23:59

Happy birthday @TheresAMouse WineCakeThanks

Sorry it's been so rubbish, hope he finds a way to make it up to you. Your original planned weekend as a do over would be a good start!

ExcitedForFuture · 13/10/2019 00:11

What the fuck are your family doing there is it isn't to help you with childcare and at least do all the cooking!! Why are you doing any of this!! I'd be more livid at them right now, especially your sister for suggesting this in the first place.

Cherrysherbet · 13/10/2019 00:24

Personally I think you should let it go now op. Your dp obviously gets the message, as he has apologised. He made a stupid mistake. I doubt he’ll do this again.