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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to be gutted by my birthday surprise!

953 replies

TheresAMouse · 27/09/2019 08:26

I am turning 40 this year and never usually go to much trouble for my birthday. Seeing as it's a milestone one I decided to arrange something nice to mark the occasion. My partner and I have been together for about 2 years. We chose a lovely little cottage with a hot tub for a few nights just for the two of us. I arranged for my parents (who live out of the area) to have my two young kids and I was delighted with the plan. As my parents would be staying with us, I then had the opportunity to celebrate with them also with a meal when we got back.

My partner has now revealed the surprise that he didn't book that cottage and instead he's booked another one so that my parents, my kids, my sister and BIL and my partners kids will be coming away to celebrate my birthday. My immediate feeling was that I felt gutted. I'm not keen on the fuss and I was quite looking forward to being childfree for a few nights - as I rarely get the opportunity. I feel so ungrateful for feeling like this. I know he has gone to a lot of trouble to arrange this and I really do appreciate the sentiment behind it. If we didn't already have a plan in place (or so I thought) - I'm sure I would be delighted. We go away next weekend and I'm just feeling blah about it. I've told my partner I'm really grateful for the surprise etc. I really tried to hide my reaction but I know he knows I'm not ecstatic about it. I feel really awful about the whole thing. Please tell me am I being completely out of order?

OP posts:
ReanimatedSGB · 07/10/2019 13:20

It's always been about him pretending to do something nice for OP while making sure that the weekend suits him, hasn't it?

RunningOutOfCharacte · 07/10/2019 13:42

Op - what are you going to do?

I am genuinely sorry your milestone birthday has been fucked up like this. I just worry that your silence means you are accepting this shit show for what should be a weekend all for you.

ScarlettSahara · 08/10/2019 14:47

Oh no OP, I thought he was genuinely contrite & was trying to make amends but leaving at 8.30 for kids’ rugby?!
Is he a people pleaser who just couldn’t fend off your sister & doesn’t want to disappoint his kids & annoy ex-wife? However surely he must realise that he has totally changed the nature of your special birthday celebrations. It hardly makes it worth going!
Sorry OP Flowers. What was his response when you said you would prefer a lie-in?
Did he ever re-book ‘hot-tub cottage’?

Berthatydfil · 10/10/2019 07:31

Sunday’s is traditionally match day not training for under rugby teams under 16’s.

wibdib · 10/10/2019 13:40

@Berthatydfil - that doesn’t necessary follow everywhere.

Around here rugby for U16 and younger is on Sunday mornings; mixture of trading and matches.

As the boys have got older some of the squads have added a night or two of evening training but they all train on the Sunday morning if they don’t have a match, particularly the younger teams.

ChicCroissant · 10/10/2019 13:48

You get what you tolerate, OP.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 10/10/2019 15:33

I agree with TatianaLarina

Oh hang on. He's now talking about leaving early at 8:30 on the Sunday morning so that he can get home to take his kids to rugby. I've said I'd prefer to have a bit of a lie in and do something on the morning before we go home.....

It was always all about his kids.

I wonder how the DP manages to stay in employment if he can't follow simple instructions laid on a plate for him?

Customer: "I'd like the vegetarian dish please"
DP: "Yes madam, here's your steak tatare, I know you didn't want meat but if you don't like it I'll cry".

Spoiler: I bet good money he manages to do as required at work. But not the OPs specific request. Tis a mystery 🤔

Nondescriptname · 11/10/2019 13:51

I came back to see if there was an update.
I'm hoping OP has a weekend that she enjoys, whatever happens.

Happy birthday wishes to you, TheresAMouse Wine Cake

AnneKipanki · 11/10/2019 15:22

It is this weekend . Happy 40th @TheresAMouse !

Ruralretreating · 11/10/2019 17:16

Happy birthday OP! I hope the weekend works out well and enjoyable for you.

TheresAMouse · 11/10/2019 20:45

The rugby is not happening and we've made plans to do something Sunday morning instead. It's a lovely cottage and I am very lucky to have so many people that care about me. Everyone is helping out with everything. Though I can't help wishfully thinking of the relaxed weekend I thought we'd booked.

OP posts:
flouncyfanny · 11/10/2019 21:37

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

AnneKipanki · 11/10/2019 22:19

XX .
Bless !

Nondescriptname · 11/10/2019 22:25

I hope you mean everyone is doing everything, so you don't have to.

Have a great time and I hope the lovely, relaxing weekend isn't too long in coming (and that DP has had a good think about what constitutes a treat and what doesn't).

StarFlowersStarFlowersStar

Weenurse · 11/10/2019 23:45

Happy birthday 💐

TheresAMouse · 12/10/2019 08:22

@Nondescriptname they are doing most things but with that many people it's difficult to avoid chores without looking like a dick! There's been plenty of tantrums last night when I was getting gifts and early starts and tantrums again this morning. I am absolutely shattered after a really manic week at work too. With young kids, a weekend like this just is hard work!

OP posts:
WhatchaMaCalllit · 12/10/2019 10:38

Happy birthday @TheresAMouse.

HouseworkAvoider10 · 12/10/2019 10:56

All sounds a bit shit.
I'd hate that.
I'd be aiming for a break in the relationship after all this.

WhoWants2Know · 12/10/2019 11:07

Who is having tantrums over your birthday gifts? That's awful!

Nondescriptname · 12/10/2019 11:13

Tbh, I'd quite fancy a short break with my kids and without DP after all that.
(not to mention a rethink of DP, altogether)

Catmaiden · 12/10/2019 11:31

Happy birthday @TheresAMouse, tbh I'd just go out and do my own thing when any chores start to come your way. And child tantrums? Let your Husband and Sister deal with them. After all, they, between them, are responsible for you not having your planned child free couple y weekend, aren't they.

Catmaiden · 12/10/2019 11:33

And I wouldn't be cooking either. And the only people who would looking like dicks over that, would be my H and my Sis

Sleepyhead19 · 12/10/2019 11:34

Happy birthday @TheresAMouse! I can imagine it will be chaotic but I hope you manage to enjoy the weekend amid the chaos x

AlexaAmbidextra · 12/10/2019 11:44

What a shame. If I were you I’d do a bit of research to see whether there’s something or somewhere nice within striking distance that you could do on your own and take myself off for the day. Leaving the tantrums and carnage behind for your DH and DS to deal with.

LovePoppy · 12/10/2019 11:56

Happy birthday @TheresAMouse.

I’m sorry this isn’t more relaxing