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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to be gutted by my birthday surprise!

953 replies

TheresAMouse · 27/09/2019 08:26

I am turning 40 this year and never usually go to much trouble for my birthday. Seeing as it's a milestone one I decided to arrange something nice to mark the occasion. My partner and I have been together for about 2 years. We chose a lovely little cottage with a hot tub for a few nights just for the two of us. I arranged for my parents (who live out of the area) to have my two young kids and I was delighted with the plan. As my parents would be staying with us, I then had the opportunity to celebrate with them also with a meal when we got back.

My partner has now revealed the surprise that he didn't book that cottage and instead he's booked another one so that my parents, my kids, my sister and BIL and my partners kids will be coming away to celebrate my birthday. My immediate feeling was that I felt gutted. I'm not keen on the fuss and I was quite looking forward to being childfree for a few nights - as I rarely get the opportunity. I feel so ungrateful for feeling like this. I know he has gone to a lot of trouble to arrange this and I really do appreciate the sentiment behind it. If we didn't already have a plan in place (or so I thought) - I'm sure I would be delighted. We go away next weekend and I'm just feeling blah about it. I've told my partner I'm really grateful for the surprise etc. I really tried to hide my reaction but I know he knows I'm not ecstatic about it. I feel really awful about the whole thing. Please tell me am I being completely out of order?

OP posts:
LovePoppy · 05/10/2019 21:55

Then what’s even the point?!

GrandmaSteglitszch · 05/10/2019 22:00

Sad Oh dear.

2Rebecca · 05/10/2019 22:16

No his kids should be missing rugby on this weekend. If he was still with his ex they wouldn't muck up a weekend away for a kids' rugby match. Misplaced guilt

HappyGoLuckyLuLu · 05/10/2019 22:21

That's a bit crap from him but you do often have to be out of a rental house by 10 on the day you're leaving.

It'd be a no for 8:30 & rugby though on your 40th birthday weekend that was initially hoped to be childfree!

MrsDimmond · 05/10/2019 22:28

you do often have to be out of a rental house by 10 on the day you're leaving

But you can still spend time in the area doing something that you don't do every other bloody eeekend!

DeathStare · 05/10/2019 23:22

Oh hang on. He's now talking about leaving early at 8:30 on the Sunday morning so that he can get home to take his kids to rugby

"No DP. This is MY birthday weekend. That isn't happening. Come up with a different plan"

Weenurse · 06/10/2019 01:04

No, no, no.
Your birthday weekend does not include getting up at the arse crack of dawn for his children’s benefit

wibdib · 06/10/2019 08:32

8.30 departure for kids rugby? And he hasn’t got any plans and/or food for today?

Suspect that’s what his plan has been all along and you’ll discover that his dc were told ages ago not to worry, they would be back for rugby...

Hoping that he realises that if he has already screwed up this weekend once by going for his/your dsis’s option rather than your choice that cutting it short by a day plus adding in the unwelcome horror of an early morning after what was supposed to be a night celebrating (ie one that should be a lie in, and then coming down to a yummy cooked breakfast of your choice) would really not be a sensible or kind thing to do.

Fingers x that you are still asleep now and that you have a lovely holiday day ahead of you!

mummmy2017 · 06/10/2019 09:09

This time tell him straight
No we will not be doing what you want.
I have gone alone with it, you changed my plans, and I agreed. However I will not cut my weekend short, nor rush out of bed early.

GrandmaSteglitszch · 06/10/2019 09:14

Isn't it next weekend that it's all happening?

MrsDimmond · 06/10/2019 09:15

Yes from OP It's weekend of the 11th Oct

MrsDimmond · 06/10/2019 09:16

I mean that was posted by OP not that it is in her OP

fedup21 · 06/10/2019 09:27

Oh hang on. He's now talking about leaving early at 8:30 on the Sunday morning so that he can get home to take his kids to rugby.

Wtf!

AnneKipanki · 06/10/2019 09:41

Yuk !

mankyfourthtoe · 06/10/2019 09:50

Nope, you shouldn't have made that arrangement on my birthday weekend.
I'd like a lie in and do x on the way hone.

MarianaMoatedGrange · 06/10/2019 09:57

No no no. He's totally taking the piss now.

MsGillis · 06/10/2019 10:02

A very early start for rugby ?! Shock

Nah.

SummerWhisper · 06/10/2019 10:05

Sabotage alert.

I suspect this is his revenge for you exposing his massive cock-up and holding him to account. It might just be his little act of sabotage. It seems strange that suddenly the kids have a rugby match that he didn't know of. Hmmm. Potential red flag.

Just ask him not to disturb the rest of you when he is leaving, due to you having a nice lie-in to recover from your hangover. Stay sweet and make sure you don't give him the opportunity to flake out of further responsibility. Then spend a relaxing day with your family.

YetAnotherSpartacus · 06/10/2019 10:09

Yeah, that's a joke OP. If he wants to leave early with HIS kids he needs to not disturb you and leave you with the car!

CraftyYankee · 06/10/2019 10:10

Summer I think you are totally overreacting on that one. It sounds like his kids have a regularly scheduled practice, not a match.

I do think he is guilty of lack of planning and forethought, and hasn't really taken on the mental load of the logistics and planning for the weekend. But let's not rush to tar and feather him as evil and sabotaging the weekend. 🙄

TatianaLarina · 06/10/2019 10:10

Oh hang on. He's now talking about leaving early at 8:30 on the Sunday morning so that he can get home to take his kids to rugby. I've said I'd prefer to have a bit of a lie in and do something on the morning before we go home.....

It was always all about his kids.

TatianaLarina · 06/10/2019 10:13

“You’re not really a) making me get up super early on my birthday weekend, or b) leaving early yourself so I am left to do all the packing up and driving home are you?”

Should suffice.

Toastymash · 06/10/2019 10:16

I'd just say no to that. He should have thought about it before he planned the birthday weekend.

mummmy2017 · 06/10/2019 10:18

Tell him great idea he can take ALL the children, so you get a lie in.

MarianaMoatedGrange · 06/10/2019 10:31

It was always all about his kids

Indeed.

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