Private Dentist for Husband, NHS for the rest of us?

[applesauce1]

My husband wants to pay for private dental care for himself, while my baby son and I go to an NHS dentist.

Backstory: my MIL paid for my husband to have private dental care until he was 30. She claims that his teeth are so good because of his private treatment. I argue that to reap the benefit of private dental care, you actually have to go more regularly than once every four years, and that the perfect state of his teeth is therefore likely just good luck. (It really irked me that he allowed his mother to pay monthly for a service that he never used but that is another story).

Now that she is no longer paying, he wants for this to now come out of our family finances. I have just gone part time, and now have the increased costs of having a child. We can not afford for the whole family to have private dental care.

He thinks he should be able to continue with his childhood dentist while my son and I 'slum it' at an NHS dentist (I personally love my dentist and feel that I have great dental care under the NHS).

All of our money is shared. I contribute to 1/3 of our household finances through my job, provide most of the child care for our son and do freelance work to further benefit our family's financial position, if that makes a difference.

AIBU? Should he continue with his childhood dentist when he probably will rarely go (I have to book hair appointments etc for him)? He thinks I'm being bey unreasonable.

How much are we talking ?

If youre happy with your current dentist why do you want to change anyway?

Why the fuck are booking appointments for grown adult?
Good god, he sounds like a selfish man child.

*you

I think all of you go, or none of you go.

You book his hair appointments? You've got more issues than just what dentist he uses.

£20 a month. It doesn't seem like a lot, but I resent him paying direct debits for services that he doesn't use.
Before we were married, he was paying monthly phone insurance for a phone he didn't use. For four years. He couldn't be bothered to call and cancel. I called the company and they offered to refund him if he emailed them copies of his bills. He couldn't be bothered to do that either.

I was raised to be frugal so wasted money like these instances seriously bother me.

Are you paying for dental insurance? If he only goes every few years then won't you only have to pay for that appointment? Is a private appointment that much more than an NHS one (if you're not eligible for free appointments on the NHS)? If we're talking about him going to a dentist he's happy with once every couple of years, I'd probably be ok with that assuming money is not really tight. If he has to have a procedure then you can re-assess the financial impact at that stage.

If he's talking about buying dental insurance for himself alone, then YANBU, I would be unhappy with that.

Just saw the update. YANBU.

I have private dental care at £25 a month. I go twice a year for a check up and have two hygienist appointments a year too.

It also covers any treatment needed (emergency or otherwise).

It's good from an insurance perspective in case you have an accident, but you absolutely have to make use of the routine services, otherwise it's money down the drain.

My partner is with a private dentist while me and my son are nhs, mostly due to appointment availability as my partner cannot do weekday appointments whereas me and my son can. We both have the same dentist who works certain days nhs and certain days private, I don't particularly think it matters 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm private, and my kids NHS at same dentist but i had to pay private and they let kids be NHS for some reason. If your husband only goes rarely then he won't pay much overall. Even if each appointment costs slightly more. And leave him to book his own appointments anyway!

Nope. Bloody entitled man. Who does he think he is?

Reminds me of my sister who had to give birth in a government hospital in South Africa because they couldn't afford medical aid at the time. Bearing in mind, there is ZERO option for pain relief. You go in and you push that baby out no matter what.

She told him no more babies and he needs to go for the snip. What was his answer? He'll wait a few years until they can afford medical aid so that he can have it done at a private hospital. Apparently there was no way he was letting a government hospital touch his 'bits'. Arsehole

Honestly, I don't really think this is a big deal. You all want to stay with your current dentists as you are happy with them. Just so happens that DH's is private and yours and DS is NHS. If you can afford the dental policy for your DH without scrimping and saving then just do so.

Do you really all have to spend exactly the same on everything? You both spend the same on hairdressing, on clothing, on beauty treatments, on your mobile phones etc?

Part of me feels that it is unfair that he should have private care when we can't afford for all of us to have it, but I think if he actually went to the dentist, I would be ok with it. My preoccupation with fairness is a personality flaw that I have and I try not to dwell on it.

It's the fact that his track record is for not booking appointments for himself, and I don't want to be responsible for booking his bloody dentist appointments to ensure our family money isn't wasted.

He is a man child. It is annoying. I bloody love him though.

Why doesn’t he just pay when he goes?
I go private and my husband goes to an NHS place it’s not even that different in price. I go private as there is one in my work building so it’s handy. Kids go NHS as well.

20 quid a month. If he goes once every 4 years and doesnt have any other costs to pay, that's almost a grand per dentist appointment.
What are his reasons for him not switching to NHS? It seems odd he wants to spend so much on something that he doesnt use or value.
Why not try NHS and if he hates it for any reason I'm sure the private dentist would take him on again.
It is more practical to go to the practice that your kids go to so that you can do joint appointments. Though to be fair it sounds like he will never bother taking them to the dentist

I'm with a private dentist, my daughter goes to the same dentist but on NHS (they only provide NHS care for children) and my husband goes to an NHS dentist. Never thought of it as unfair. I go to a dentist that I like and my husband is quite happy to stick to the dentist he likes.

I wouldn't be paying monthly if he wasn't making use of the services though, just do pay as you go

well isn't He a spoiled entitled selfish arrogant Twat OP. Good luck

If he thinks you get better treatment privately and that's why his teeth are so good then surely if only one of you have private care it should be your son?

Why don't you cancel the insurance and agree that he just pays as he goes? If he only goes for a check up every four years that would be about £60 with my private dentist.

if you are happy with your dentist, would it really be such a sacrifice. I can understand someone wanting to continue with a dentist in whom they have confidence, feel comfortable with, it is such a personal treatment. can you not extend that understanding to your husband, or are you more standing on your rights as a matter of principal. think carefully, that kind of bickering can lead to resentment and aggrieved feelings, and eventually a split.
life, marriage, is about give and take, balance overall.
the fact that he doesn't go too often should make the expense more manageable ?
why don't you ask him to make your hair appts, give him your timetable for available times...
good luck.

You’re all happy with your current dentists so there’s really no need to make a big deal out of this. The problem is he’s paying insurance and then not getting any value out of it because he doesn’t go regularly. He should cancel and just pay out of pocket whenever he decides to go. You’ll save a fortune if it is genuinely one check up every 4 years! And stop booking his hair appointments for him, he’s a grown man and can do it himself if he wants a hair cut!

my MIL paid for my husband to have private dental care until he was 30

I have to book hair appointments etc for him

Well, there's certainly a pattern forming here, isn't there?

If all your money really is shared and you can't afford to pay for a private dentist for all of you, then YANBU to object. Why does he think his teeth are more important than his own child's?

He's being a ridiculous baby. His teeth aren't good because he sees a private dentist once every four years; his teeth are good through a combination of luck, genetics and regular brushing.

Do you have to have permission to spend £20 a month??

Can he register with an NHS dentist, he wouldn’t be able to find one round here
I’m Private while DH and the DC aren’t. The DC are at the same practice as me - husband does Private, wife does NHS patients. The reason I switched was that I had a difficult tooth that several NHS dentists had been unable to numb and it needed the filling doing again after it fell out. Having had it filled twice before with no effective pain relief I looked into sedation and the practice I phoned said “Mr X will be able to numb it” I said I doubted that but went to see him anyway and explained. He said he could numb it and did.
I am pretty scared of the dentist so going Private works best for me whereas DH is happy to stay with his NHS one so if everyone is happy with their dental care and it’s affordable then I would keep things as they are