Private Dentist for Husband, NHS for the rest of us?

[applesauce1]

My husband wants to pay for private dental care for himself, while my baby son and I go to an NHS dentist.

Backstory: my MIL paid for my husband to have private dental care until he was 30. She claims that his teeth are so good because of his private treatment. I argue that to reap the benefit of private dental care, you actually have to go more regularly than once every four years, and that the perfect state of his teeth is therefore likely just good luck. (It really irked me that he allowed his mother to pay monthly for a service that he never used but that is another story).

Now that she is no longer paying, he wants for this to now come out of our family finances. I have just gone part time, and now have the increased costs of having a child. We can not afford for the whole family to have private dental care.

He thinks he should be able to continue with his childhood dentist while my son and I 'slum it' at an NHS dentist (I personally love my dentist and feel that I have great dental care under the NHS).

All of our money is shared. I contribute to 1/3 of our household finances through my job, provide most of the child care for our son and do freelance work to further benefit our family's financial position, if that makes a difference.

AIBU? Should he continue with his childhood dentist when he probably will rarely go (I have to book hair appointments etc for him)? He thinks I'm being bey unreasonable.

I argue that to reap the benefit of private dental care, you actually have to go more regularly than once every four years, and that the perfect state of his teeth is therefore likely just good luck

Going off the point for a moment, it's more important to brush your teeth twice a day than go to the dentist every six months (although that of course is important) Having perfect teeth is more than just good luck.

YANBU. Paying as he goes would be ok though.

My DH uses the NHS (except on the odd occasion when he’s had a surgical procedure, his vasectomy for example) and I have private medical care because that’s my choice. You’re still getting great care with the NHS.

Also he’s contributing 2/3 to the family pot so I don’t see why he shouldn’t have private dental care if he wishes.

Do PAYGO at the private dentist. Mine does this and its about £40.00 per year then whatever the treatment costs.Or you can pay £15.00 per month, get 20% off any treatment and 2 check ups and 2 scale and polishes per year.Also you will be seen as an emergency that day, that's why I'm with them as I cant cope with toothache.
Good luck with finding him an NHS dentist.They also wont keep him on if he just attends once every 4 years.

We have private dental care simply as there were no NHS ones available for us this side of our town, and I didn't want to have to drive for ages when we did go for appointments. DD is treated for free under the NHS with them, until she is 18y (not sure about when she is a student, need o check) so long as there is a parent on their books.

We don't bother with a payment plan, just pay when we go. Think it is £90 for a routine annual check up. Its £50-70 for the hygienist. We go annually as that is the same as what the city NHS ones recommend.

@applesauce1 I don't think I would have settled with (and had kids with,) a man whose MOTHER was still paying for shit for him at the age of THIRTY!

WTAF?

You have my sympathy, you really do. It's not gonna be an easy ride being with this over-privileged, over-entitled man child.

Especially with a mommy who adores him so much! ^^ 🤢

Oh and YANBU. Maybe find something for YOU that costs £20 a month!

Fortunately, NHS dental treatment is perfectly decent, (usually,) but that's not the point.

Oh, and STOP being his bloody lackey! (Booking his appointments for him!)

I dont think every expense in a partnership has to be equal. I sure as hell dont get my haircut for £7 at the barbers.

Unless this is symbolic of a pattern of disparity between you then I dont see the problem.

I dont see the VFM from a private Dentist TBH! All Dentists are trained in the same way surely ?Our old Dentist used to see Private people in the morning ,and NHS ones in the afternoon! If you are happy with your own Dentist ,and he wants to keep his one the for £20.00 a month not worth stressing about!

This isn't a dental problem.

The problem is your husband is lazy and reckless with his limited finances. Seriously, he's acting like it's a bottomless pit because you're millionaires and it doesn't matter.

It does, facing up to it is part of being a functional adult, he needs to grow the fuck up.

It's lucky to find an NHS dentist who will sign up new patients.
There are certainly none within a 20 mile radius of the town where I live.
I had Denplan for years with my dentist whilst dh is NHS at the same practice. It wasn't anything to do with my teeth being more important - they just wouldn't take on new patients - Denplan was the only way forward. I think it's pretty good. My husband doesn't begrudge it even though I've always been a sahp.
Would the practice you're at take on your husband as a new patient?
That would be a rare thing.

Have you asked him to clarify why his teeth are more precious than his child's teeth?

(Not to mention his wife's?)

I think being happy with your dentist is important so although I understand it feeling 'unfair' and possibly even a waste of money, I wouldn't want someone I cared about leaving a dentist they liked just to try to make some kind of financial/fairness point.
I also think it's fairly common for families to have a mix of NHS and private dentists depending on when they joined the surgery. I don't see it as someone being more important than someone else.

If he's not going every 6 months he shouldn't be NHS, and I doubt he will get a dentist who will see him on the NHS every 4 years. That's a total waste of an NHS dental place.

If he's not going to go regularly he should go pay as you go private, because he's not prepared to follow the NHS recalls.

No child needs private dentistry

If you like your dentist you'd be mental to lose an NHS place at a good dentist, especially if you're happy with their treatment. Why on earth would you change? If you think your dentist is giving you good service on the NHS them you don't need private dentistry? But it seems a bit twatty to say your DH has to go NHS because you do. I agree though he doesnt need denplan If he's not a regular attender

It's lucky to find an NHS dentist who will sign up new patients.

When we moved, the first one we called accepted us.

I pay monthly as I'm on denplan. About £17pm and I go twice a year for check up and hygienist

Posted too soon! I am only on denplan as I was an NHS patient - at the same dentist. Missed an appointment due to moving and lost my NHS place. If you have a good NHS dentist then don't lose them!
However he is being ridiculous if he's paying and not going, he may as well bin £20 notes

If he only goes once every four years, why pay into insurance for £20 (or however much it costs) per month? He can just pay for his appointment when he goes. For £20 a month, the whole family could afford to go privately, assuming that you pay for the appointments when you go to them and not into an insurance scheme.

I was a private patient for years and only realised that I could be on the NHS when I moved practices. My husband is private as he can’t go to appointments during the week, whereas I can. We see the same dentist, only I pay a fraction of what he does.

Actually going to the dentist is what’s important for good teeth, regardless of whether you are NHS or private. If he’s desperate to keep going privately then surely he just pays when he goes and books an appointment more frequently than once every four years! You will save money in the long run by not paying into insurance and he will be placated too.

Cancel the insurance and he should just pay for the private treatment when he goes.
This is the best advice from the monetary point of view.

They are his teeth and it’s up to him how he looks after them and which dentist he wants to see. He’s paying for it, I don’t think it’s a big problem.
If you are happy with your own dentist, then that is your choice - it just so happens that your dentist is NHS so it makes sense to stick with him.
I don’t see why is there a problem that his mother covered the bill for so long, they might have had some sort of family plan so it would have made sense and in the great scheme of things the regular payment didn’t matter maybe.
It makes some sense you making bookings for his appointments (dr., dentist etc) if you tend to plan the family schedule and he simply hasn’t got time to do it himself but hairdresser is a bit much - unless there is a slight controlling of schedules/finances on your part without you realising perhaps.
I book all dentists and doctors appointments and most of car servicing/mot/repairs, airport taxis, trades people for all the family etc because I have the time to do it (usually first thing when stuck in traffic) Never booked a haircut for DH though, I thought all men haircuts are a walk in job.

My kids don't even get an NHS dentist you are very lucky.

Sorry applesauce1 I don’t think I expressed very well there what I meant to say. I hope I didn’t sound too harsh but what I meant is if you booked a haircut because you thought he needed a haircut it would be like mothering him. However, if he asks you to make the booking because he needs to go and hasn’t got time to do it himself, then I don’t see a problem with that because you’d do something to help him in a practical way and if you have time or want to find time to make the appointment for him then it's a perfectly nice thing to do.

Gosh going to try and reply to these

@Branster I book his hair appointments because he just forgets, lets his hair get too long and looks scruffy. We have the same hairdresser so it's not a huge issue. Not ideal though. One more thing on my mental load.

tell him you'll set it up and then 'forget' - it will take him 4 years to notice........
Oh and yes - stop being his Mum, booking hair appointment etc