Private Dentist for Husband, NHS for the rest of us?

[applesauce1]

My husband wants to pay for private dental care for himself, while my baby son and I go to an NHS dentist.

Backstory: my MIL paid for my husband to have private dental care until he was 30. She claims that his teeth are so good because of his private treatment. I argue that to reap the benefit of private dental care, you actually have to go more regularly than once every four years, and that the perfect state of his teeth is therefore likely just good luck. (It really irked me that he allowed his mother to pay monthly for a service that he never used but that is another story).

Now that she is no longer paying, he wants for this to now come out of our family finances. I have just gone part time, and now have the increased costs of having a child. We can not afford for the whole family to have private dental care.

He thinks he should be able to continue with his childhood dentist while my son and I 'slum it' at an NHS dentist (I personally love my dentist and feel that I have great dental care under the NHS).

All of our money is shared. I contribute to 1/3 of our household finances through my job, provide most of the child care for our son and do freelance work to further benefit our family's financial position, if that makes a difference.

AIBU? Should he continue with his childhood dentist when he probably will rarely go (I have to book hair appointments etc for him)? He thinks I'm being bey unreasonable.

As he has no specific need to a private dentist (eg lost of work regularly needed, fear of dentist, whatever), his want to still access a private dentist is a non essential spend.

Him going to see the dentist is only fair if you and yur ds can also spend £240 each year on something non essential you happen to fancy. Do you have £720 spare each year to do that? If not, then the answer is NO.
If yes, then up to him to decide if these appointments he never goes to are actually worth paying for. Whilst you decide what you are going to spend yoour £240.

@NoSquirrels, but he has no need for a dentist! his teeth are amazing and he doesnt even bother to go for check ups.....
What is his need there exactly?

I PAYG for my private dentist- I have some anxiety issues so won't see anyone else. Is this an option for him? (oh and my husband also PAYG and DS is NHS with him)

Yes let him have his private dentist,then make sure you have the same £20 a month for the gym or whatever is important to u.

If he’s so passive about things just arrange it so he needs to actually ‘do’ something to set up the arrangement he proposes and then it will likely never happen. Also tidy away (to the bin) any reminder paperwork.

Are NHS dentists considerably cheaper than private dentists? I didn't find much difference, and I prefer the convenience of being able to make an emergency appointment (if needed)with my private dentist and get seen the same day, than wait for a week or so to see an NHS dentist.

I have an NHS GP though, and wouldn't pay for private medical treatment.

I think fairness is not really the issue here. People don't all have to have the same and it's a bit mad to expect that. This seems important to him. You can't understand why, but it is to him. It sounds like you have enough cash to afford it. If not then it needs further discussion but otherwise I'd be inclined to move on from this if you've discussed all your reasons and he still does not see it the same way as you. Alternatively have you looked at what an actual private appointment would be? So rather than the insurance based approach you actually just pay for what you use?

For £20 per month I think it is reasonable for your husband to continue to see his private dentist. After paying bills he surely has a bit of pocket money (& Ihope you do as well), so he can out of that.

You say you are more than happy with your dentist which is great, husband doesn't want to shop around preferring to stay with what he knows. If it gives him some security, please don't resent him for it. It's not a great deal of money.

However for you.

i don't know - i mean, i have private for my whole family because our private dentist is actually a family friend and i trust him. I think the money should come out of his pocket if he wants it for himself.

Should be 'pay out of that', first paragraph, second sentence.

I realise you are saying he never goes to the dentist and to you it seems like a waste of money but it really isn't; He'ls bound to have to go sooner or later anyway.

Go for a family Denplan. It will cover the full cost of NHS treatment (including appointments for you and your son if you need to pay for him) and part of the cost for private treatment whenever your dh can be bothered to go.

Pay per visit.
Stop booking his appointments. He’s a capable person who should be independent by now.

I absolutely refuse to go to NHS dentists, so I agree with your husband. Seems ridiculous not to use the appointments that he pays for though.

@applesauce1 you'll be cheaper to just pay when he goes.

My dentist is private. I started there when they took NHS patients. It's in a different town because there are no NHS dentists in my town. When we moved, my husband went to a local private dentist. I went to the NHS one in the next town because I was pregnant and entitled to free NHS treatment. Also because I only worked 3 days a week so had time to make the longer trip.

My dentist no longer does NHS treatment (except for children) but I like it there so I have stuck with them. I pay as I go, every 6 months. I can't see any reason for the OP's husband to change dentist, but it makes sense to change the payment method, so he doesn't waste money.

If the OP has had a baby less than 12 months ago, she will be entitled to free dental treatment on the NHS. What's the point in going private and giving that up, especially as she likes her dentist anyway. The baby will also be free on the NHS. I don't see that there is any issue of 'slumming it'. If she was not happy with her current NHS dentist that would be another matter.

I thought a lot of dental surgeries have a quota of NHS patients they can have and then beyond that its private. Around where we are some practices are solely private but most are both. Then when work needs doing you get to decide which level you want to pay for.

Similar really to opticians where you get the voucher?

Dental plans are cheaper if you have dodgy teeth that need work on. If it is a simple check up what is the difference?

Your two options are fine for routine checkups.

However there needs to be a proviso. If he does need massive amounts of work done, he has to get a quote from the nhs dentist. This arrangement isn’t carte blanche for him to use the private dentist for everything if he goes with the ‘pay as you go’ option.

You should check what is included in the private dentist monthly fee because my son is registered with a private dentist (the only way I could get him a dentist at all) but if I could afford to be registered myself, the monthly fee would not only include my check ups & hygienist apps, but also check ups & treatment on baby teeth for my child as the child of a registered adult.
There may also be a family registration option which might only be a tenner more a month so you could all go private.

1. Most dental surgeries offer both NHS and private treatment, there's no difference except not all services available at NHS prices, and obviously private costs more (because it isn't part funded by the NHS, not because its there's any difference in care)

1. What you're talking about is an insurance payment plan, they usually only cover the bare minimum anyway and a discount off any treatments. You can get one of these whether you're an NHS or private patient. £20 per month sounds exceptionally poor value, particularly if he doesn't even get the check ups.

Cancel it and he can go to his usual dentist whenever he goes anyway, it will not cost much more and significantly less than £240 per year.

And of course good teeth being anything to do with private dental care is total nonsense. If he has good teeth he'll never have needed any dental treatment!!!

£20 a month is expensive for something you only use twice per year. I think my NHS check up and clean only costs about £30 or £40 each time, so it's significantly more

You are unlikely to need private dentistry for a child, it's free for them on the NHS and much easier to find an NHS dentist that will register children. You should both benefit from the private cover though.

My private check up only costs about £30, NHS is £20.60.

YANBU.

The people saying its only £20 a month are missing the point. You'd get different responses if you rephrased your question to "my husband only goes to the dentist once every 4 years and each visit costs him £960. Is it unfair that he spends family money on that when he's happy with NHS checkups for me and my son because that's all we can afford".

We have this.
I have been to an NHS dentist every 6 months forever, and have been lucky enough to be able to change Nhs dentists every time we’ve moved.
We’ve been in our current village for 20 years. I joined the dentist then. I was able to sign up the DC when they were born a few years later. At this point DH decided that he’d better go to the dentist for the first time in over 20 years. Turns out my nhs dentist wasn’t taking on new adult patients, so DH ended up going private. He pays out if his own money, but at least he goes. That first visit cost £700, which DH reckons would have been about the cost of the 20 years of check ups he didn’t have. Yeh, right, but without the pain !

Yep. PAYG seems to be the answer here. My friend's private dentist charges little more than my NHS one, so I don't see the point in the £20 a month insurance plan.