Friend using my dad as a GP service

[Littlejayx]

I need yet more life advice for a quite sensitive situation anybody wiser than me please help!

My friend of 15years+ has recently had a lovely baby boy who due to being quite premature spent a long time in SCBU. Due to my dad being a retired special care doctor offered to pop in and help her understand what was going on and make all the medical terms be a tad simpler as she has nobody else and seemed overwhelmed.

Anyway he spent a couple of hours there and thankfully the baby was discharged a month or so later. Everything wonderful and fine.

Now the problem, this friend is treating my dad like a GP. From the start my dad explained he was their to make the situation seem not as scary and cannot practice anymore and obviously can’t prescribe.
She is now dropping in at his house at least once a week asking if he’s okay and if he has a infection or cold or flu.

Each time she has been met with the ‘you Will have to check with your GP or health visitor I don’t practice anymore’ to which she comes bitching to me 😩.

She states the whole reason in asking him is then she doesn’t have to book in at the doctors and he would tell her if something looked seriously wrong.

I am too much of a wet wipe to do anything else than a firm please don’t ask him medical questions. She has been through a lot and doesn’t have any other family or friends and can be quite confrontational which I don’t have the brain to deal with.

Is she being unreasonable or just a worried over cautious mum?

My partner gets this all the time. He is a retired commercial lawyer but people ask him about divorce, wills etc. He has to explain that other types of law are not his area of expertise but people persist. Some get really narky when he says he can't help them. I usually end up having to play the heavy and shut them down but it is not easy and I understand your father's predicament.

Do not under any circumstances follow the suggestion you tell her your Dad isnt up to date. That's so disrespectful to your Father and opens up a whole new can of worms. My Dad is retired a Dr and he is bang up to date as he has more time to research.

Eva, her dad really might not be. I’m a nephrologist, like fuck am I going to spend my hard-earned retirement reading medical journals when there are holidays to go on and gardens to sit it!

Thank your for all your responses and I agree with the majority.

I have asked her if she wants to pop to a sort of sure start drop in where you can play for a hour or so while health visitors totter around and answer questions and weigh and measure babies. One of the HV is quite close friends with my dad and I may pop in a tad early to explain to her what’s been going on.
I don’t want to cross the line but I do think she must be struggling and well 100% not speak to anyone on her own back.

If she gives this option more attitude and rudeness I am giving up. I have always been taught you don’t know what others are going through and treat situations with kindness and it has gone horribly when I haven’t. Last chance for her to change her attitude and take e help that is given

My dad isn’t upto date anymore with licensing etc he spends his time practicing his calligraphy and baking

Rude cow

Your dad being a doctor, or ex doctor if you call it that, is someone she will listen to and he should tell her to see her GP about post natal anxiety/depression. He doesn't need to tell her he thinks she has it, just that she is showing some signs and a GP can help where as he can't

I think the Dad should just steer clear and not get involved any more.

If she has depression it’s for others to point her at her GP.

This is exactly what the health visitor is for. You should tell your friend that the health visitor is there to support her and is much better trained in well-infant care than a retired doctor, who can't treat her baby anyway. Find out when the health visitor's baby clinic is at her surgery and encourage your friend to go there every week until she feels she doesn't need to anymore. The health visitor will be more than happy to check, advise and reassure.

I don't think your father should open the door to her if he know it is her. If he does come into contact again, he should explain he cannot advise her anymore and say goodbye

she sounds like she's very anxious which often is the case when a baby's born premature, but she's making unreasonable demands on your dad and it's right what he's telling her. Can you point out to her that as a doctor he has to work within ethical frameworks and she and her baby are not his patients? She may be frightened of asking for her own GP or health visitor's help in case they think she's not coping or is a bad mother, and feels it's safer to ask a family friend but this isn't going to help her. Keep encouraging her to go to her own allocated medical people. Perhaps offer to go with her next time? Also it might be worth checking out whether there's a local support group for parents whose babies were born premature or a new mothers' group where she can ask for info. Good luck.

SofiaAmes: "I think you were horrible to her and a truly awful friend. She is well rid of you OP."

@SofiaAmes WTF? It's OP who's well rid of this friend. Are you perhaps the baby's mother / 'friend'?

A calm voice and a cup of tea and some help working through the symptoms calmly and rationally is what she needs rather than criticism regarding whether she should go to the GP or not.

This one sentence demonstrates that you have completely misunderstood what OP is saying, @SofiaAmes. She hasn't once criticised her friend about going to the GP. All OP has done is ask her friend not to keep going to her father, who is not the GP.