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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Friend using my dad as a GP service

163 replies

Littlejayx · 25/09/2019 15:47

I need yet more life advice for a quite sensitive situation anybody wiser than me please help!

My friend of 15years+ has recently had a lovely baby boy who due to being quite premature spent a long time in SCBU. Due to my dad being a retired special care doctor offered to pop in and help her understand what was going on and make all the medical terms be a tad simpler as she has nobody else and seemed overwhelmed.

Anyway he spent a couple of hours there and thankfully the baby was discharged a month or so later. Everything wonderful and fine.

Now the problem, this friend is treating my dad like a GP. From the start my dad explained he was their to make the situation seem not as scary and cannot practice anymore and obviously can’t prescribe.
She is now dropping in at his house at least once a week asking if he’s okay and if he has a infection or cold or flu.

Each time she has been met with the ‘you Will have to check with your GP or health visitor I don’t practice anymore’ to which she comes bitching to me 😩.

She states the whole reason in asking him is then she doesn’t have to book in at the doctors and he would tell her if something looked seriously wrong.

I am too much of a wet wipe to do anything else than a firm please don’t ask him medical questions. She has been through a lot and doesn’t have any other family or friends and can be quite confrontational which I don’t have the brain to deal with.

Is she being unreasonable or just a worried over cautious mum?

OP posts:
Drum2018 · 25/09/2019 17:03

@SavingSpaces2019 rtft

messolini9 · 25/09/2019 17:03

She states the whole reason in asking him is then she doesn’t have to book in at the doctors

Then you need to tell her that she is being a presumptuous pain in the arse, & that your dad can no longer legally diagnose or prescribe.
And that next time she has a concern, she take it to the GP, not your dad.

That is surely not hard to do?

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 25/09/2019 17:07

No wonder she doesn’t have any other friends. Time to block and if she keeps pestering your poor Dad threaten her with legal action for harassment. You just can’t reason with selfish fuckwits.

Noodledoodledoo · 25/09/2019 17:14

Is it just me that would be seriously tempted to reply to the post with a comment along the lines of 'oh no whats happened'!

norfolkskies · 25/09/2019 17:18

I would for devilment! "whats up hun" with a heart emoji mwa hahahahahahahhah

timshelthechoice · 25/09/2019 17:20

You and your dad need to cut her out of your lives, especially as you say she's been a pill in the past and she's not taking a gentle 'no' for an answer.

She needs to be blocked entirely from your lines and SM accounts and your dad simply cannot answer the door to her anymore.

She doesn't give a shit about you both, only her own ends.

She's been told over and over by you both that she needs to see her HV or GP.

I have PTSD myself, it's my responsibility to have it treated, not my doctor mates' (I had 2 doctor friends).

IwantedtobeEmmaPeel · 25/09/2019 17:20

Actually Noodle’s idea is good - Oh no, what’s up hun?

southlondondh · 25/09/2019 17:40

Has anyone asked the lady to a ) make an appointment with the GP for both her and the child b) if she is still stressed out; ask GP to link her back to the paediatric service who know the child...already
c) with regards to your father if she doesn't actually go and do a) and b) she has to be ttfo.

SuzieBishop · 25/09/2019 17:42

I voted YABU because she is being unreasonable and you are too - if she’s your friend of 15+ years you should be able to say something to her.

ymf117 · 25/09/2019 18:01

Anxious or not, how does she have the brass neck to go and bitch about him to you?! Phoning him and turning up at his house wtf!

Tell her straight. She is lucky he has helped out at all and it's not your fault she doesn't have a support network and nor will she if she continues to put you in the middle like this, friends don't do that

Sashkin · 25/09/2019 18:12

she said she isn’t comfortable with the lack of help she’s getting so we all have problems

And presumably you replied “that’s my fucking dad you’re talking about you rude bitch”.

Honestly, who in the world thinks it’s ok to slag somebody’s parent off to their face? She’s not a friend OP.

alexdgr8 · 25/09/2019 18:15

I'm much older than you, please take it from me, there are some people who are not worth bothering about. so don't let them bother you or yours. it was reasonable to assume initially that she was basically like you; you've known her a long time, but now it is clear you do not hold the same values.
you would not behave as she is doing. if she made an error initially though stress, she has had time and plenty of telling to amend it. but no, she persists in intrusive inappropriate behaviour, to someone who helped her out.
don't think any more about it, or her. cut her out. just ignore any attempts at further contact, and counsel your father to do the same.
I know whereof I speak. good luck.

Chewbecca · 25/09/2019 18:19

Well done OP, you did the right thing. If she can’t see that, she is a CF.

fedup21 · 25/09/2019 18:23

I wouldn’t ever speak to her again after that!

I said he isn’t comfortable with the amount he’s being relied on for these things and it’s getting to him, she said she isn’t comfortable with the lack of help she’s getting so we all have problems.

Bloody cheek! Not his problem!

rosamacrose · 25/09/2019 18:33

The FBpost shows her for the self absorbed, entitled individual she is.
I think PP's are right. Post a boo-hoo face ana what's up hun.
Cheeky COW!
That's your dad she's talking about!
(You sound like a decent person btw and your dad is kind to have gone out of his way for her)
I'd drop her like a hot stone.
Have some Flowers

Original poster
Littlejayx · 25/09/2019 19:03

Thank you everyone Flowers.
I do struggle getting heated and causing drama, I had a argument with a friend once who committed suicide and it has stuck with me knowing our close friendship ended with a argument, hence the wet wipe quality I have adopted Blush.

But I think it’s time to cut her out, she’s responded to the message just with a ‘thats Fine then if you feel I’m wasting my time’ which doesn’t make much sense. It’s horrible though because I do love having someone close as there arnt many friends around after having a baby

OP posts:
Fluffycloudland77 · 25/09/2019 19:07

Thing is though, most of us wouldn’t try and use him like that and then bitch about him to you. That’s not a friend, it’s company but not a friend.

Cherrysoup · 25/09/2019 19:14

You could try to save the friendship, but I think it’s doomed. She’s anxious and wants the support, your dad can’t give it but she’s still trying, which is unfair of her. I’m glad you stepped up and told her, it’ll hopefully stop her harassing your poor dad, but she’ll probably think you’re a terrible person now, even tho you aren’t. She has been presumptuous and needed telling.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 25/09/2019 19:17

I'm really sorry about the friend you lost to suicide Littlejayx, and sorry again that this "friend" has turned out to be anything but - however I'm sure it won't be down to anything you've done

Sometimes, however hard we try and no matter how diplomatic we try to be, some folk just can't be "got through to". Sadly you can't go on appeasing folk like this as they just come back for more, so cut her loose and enjoy the much better friends you'll certainly make in time Flowers

painauchocolat84 · 25/09/2019 19:24

You need to be blunt with her.

painauchocolat84 · 25/09/2019 19:27

Just RTFT and seen that you were blunt with her. Well done OP! She sounds like a CF, a shit friend, and horribly rude and entitled too.

mankyfourthtoe · 25/09/2019 19:30

Your other friend was in a really bad place and I'm sorry for your loss.
But this friend is very self centred and has had it explained clearly, normal people would be mortified at being a bother and thank him for his previous help. Not bitch on Facebook. Although you'd like more friends I think you're being used.

CalmdownJanet · 25/09/2019 19:38

Reply with "No you aren't listening to me - you are wasting his time. This isn't about you, it's about my Dad, you are putting him in an awkward situation and using him and neither of us like it so it needs to stop"

Darkstar4855 · 25/09/2019 19:39

Block and move on. She’s shown very clearly how self centred she is. She’s not your friend. Don’t waste any more energy on her.

DawgLover · 25/09/2019 21:09

Block her and move on. Dont reply, don't give her any more of your time.