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AIBU?

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Original poster

Friend using my dad as a GP service

163 replies

Littlejayx · 25/09/2019 15:47

I need yet more life advice for a quite sensitive situation anybody wiser than me please help!

My friend of 15years+ has recently had a lovely baby boy who due to being quite premature spent a long time in SCBU. Due to my dad being a retired special care doctor offered to pop in and help her understand what was going on and make all the medical terms be a tad simpler as she has nobody else and seemed overwhelmed.

Anyway he spent a couple of hours there and thankfully the baby was discharged a month or so later. Everything wonderful and fine.

Now the problem, this friend is treating my dad like a GP. From the start my dad explained he was their to make the situation seem not as scary and cannot practice anymore and obviously can’t prescribe.
She is now dropping in at his house at least once a week asking if he’s okay and if he has a infection or cold or flu.

Each time she has been met with the ‘you Will have to check with your GP or health visitor I don’t practice anymore’ to which she comes bitching to me 😩.

She states the whole reason in asking him is then she doesn’t have to book in at the doctors and he would tell her if something looked seriously wrong.

I am too much of a wet wipe to do anything else than a firm please don’t ask him medical questions. She has been through a lot and doesn’t have any other family or friends and can be quite confrontational which I don’t have the brain to deal with.

Is she being unreasonable or just a worried over cautious mum?

OP posts:
Lulualla · 25/09/2019 16:22

If he told her the baby was fine but there was actually something wrong then she could sue him or he could be arrested. What is she playing at? You don't put someone in that position.

You need to grow a backbone. Your dad is in this position because he tried to help YOUR friend. She is your friend. You introduced them. You need to step in now and help your dad. If you can't do it to her face then send her a message. Don't try to be all bubbly and friendly.

"Hi X. I've spoken with my dad and we need to sort this problem out. He has made it clear that he cannot and will not give your medical advice. He translated medical jargon for you in hospital to try and put you at ease, but that is where his help needs to end. You need to stop calling him and you really must stop turning up at his house. I really don't want this to affect our friendship, and I know you don't want that either so let's draw a line under this. You don't contact my dad again and I won't bring it up with you again. I remember you saying that you're unhappy with the lack of support, but the health visitors here are great. Whenever you feel like calling my dad, you need to call your health visitor. They can advise you. If you feel it's more urgent then you can call your GP or NHS24. There really is a lot of support, you're just not trying to use it because you've focused on my dad. He is not available for medical help anymore so please listen to me and we will say no more about it."

Lulualla · 25/09/2019 16:23

Major cross post with you there OP! Well done!!

Lonecatwithkitten · 25/09/2019 16:23

I would suggest by the sounds of things there is going to be a falling out between you at some point. I would think it happening because you step up and protect your Dad is the least bad reason.

Mummyoflittledragon · 25/09/2019 16:25

Good message. You’ve even offered a solution.

BanKittenHeels · 25/09/2019 16:25

I think you need to be very firm or end the friendship.

“I know you have been through a lot and I’m so glad my father was able to explain the technical details of X’s care.

I understand you have anxiety regarding your child’s health but I must impress upon you how important it is not to contact my father about medical issues. To give specific medical advice whilst not practicing could put him in a very serious legal situation.

Please contact your GP (who will see you as an emergency if the symptoms explained to the receptionist point that way), your health visitor or indeed present at the emergency department if you are worried something has escalated.

My father is unable to help you with any medical advice.”

Original poster
Littlejayx · 25/09/2019 16:26

There are definitely more than one issue with me and her past this one, a lot of comparing between our two similar age babies and lifestyles so have had to skim over certain conversations with her in the past few years.

OP posts:
Tonnerre · 25/09/2019 16:26

she’s just said it’s easier popping to his than waiting for a appointment

Point out that, as he won't be answering her questions, it can't possibly be easier.

she said she isn’t comfortable with the lack of help she’s getting

Tell her she can get all the help she needs at her GP surgery.

TurquoiseDress · 25/09/2019 16:27

I realise she has been through a lot with her baby and is most likely still suffering the after affects of the SCBU experience

However, your dad really needs to make it clear he cannot continue to give her medical advice

If she comes bitching to you, the conversation about your dad giving medical advice needs to be shut down quickly and clearly

Then look to how you can help here emotionally and practically, but making it utterly clear she needs to go and see her own GP for any issues related to baby/herself

Bluetrews25 · 25/09/2019 16:27

He needs to block her numbers - call BT to block on your landline or I think you can do it online.
Tell her that if she wants his advice he will have to get insurance and pass this cost on to her. Medical indemnity insurance is many thousands per year - is she ok with that?
Is she a solicitor or accountant? Would she give away a free half hour every week to the same person?
Bottom line - she sounds like she is getting PND, push her at the health visitor.
Very hard for you both, you tried to do a kind thing and it has spectacularly backfired.

AcrossthePond55 · 25/09/2019 16:27

Your dad needs to block her number. He doesn't need this stress.

Is your dad still licensed? If not that's what I'd tell her. That he no longer has a license and that it's illegal for him to practice medicine and that includes 'taking a look' and/or 'giving advice'. If he's still licensed, as others have said, tell her he's not up to date with current practices.

If you've already told her this then the next time she comes to you bitching tell her "Dad's already told you 'no' so I'm NOT discussing this with you". Don't explain it again. Don't justify his decision.

If she continues, you may have to 'cool' the friendship.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 25/09/2019 16:27

Your dad sounds lovely, OP - it was very kind of him to spend time at the hospital with her, but I'm not sure why you're having to get so heavily involved with this? As an experienced doctor I'm sure he has experience in giving unwelcome news, so maybe he could call her back and be a little firmer about this - not in a nasty way of course, but just so the situation's absolutely clear

No doubt she'd moan to you about it, but hopefully once the "new normal" kicked in you'd all hear less about it?

clarinstunic · 25/09/2019 16:30

If she takes something the wrong way and says your dad gave her bad advice, he’d be in serious trouble and bang goes his peaceful retirement.

You need to deal with this. Write it down and send it to her. Keep proof it was sent (email etc)

BumbleBeee69 · 25/09/2019 16:32

Good on you OP, you're poor Dad ... Flowers

BumbleBeee69 · 25/09/2019 16:32
  • your
Pinkyyy · 25/09/2019 16:33

Well done for messaging her OP. I hope she understands and respects his wishes.

Imnotfatimjustlazy · 25/09/2019 16:35

Tell her to go the the pharmacy as her first port of call, she shouldn't be making GP appointments for coughs and colds anyway and certainly shouldn't be using your dad just because she can't be bothered to wait for appointments.

Tell her to just go to the nearest pharmacy and ask to speak to the pharmacist or consultant on duty, they can advise her better than your dad who isn't up to date on medical aid. She might have to wait 5 or 10 minutes but where I am you usually get seen to pretty quickly and by using this way of thinking I've only ever taken my DS to the GP once, on the pharmacists advice, every other time I've been they've been able to recommend a solution then and there.

Imnotfatimjustlazy · 25/09/2019 16:38

Xpost OP, took too long writing! Glad you've messaged her, hopefully she'll listen now.

Drum2018 · 25/09/2019 16:39

Tell your dad to block her number now. At least that might stop some of the contact. And next time she calls to his house tell him not to let her in. He doesn't need this. There are practising professionals who can help - first port of call could be as easy as going to the local chemist. Perhaps you could write up a list of numbers for the local HV, GP, Chemist so she has them to hand - something she could easily do herself but doesn't seem to comprehend that they are the people to call, not your dad. Hope your recent message gets through to her.

TurquoiseDress · 25/09/2019 16:39

Just thought as well- even if your Dad was a current special care doctor or GP, they wouldn't want to be giving out advice like that as the governing body are very clear about treating family or friends

(my cousin is a GP and she tells me about this when her neighbours/randoms friends of neighbours pester her for medical advice and wanting her to just take a "quick look" at something...it infuriates her!)

Fluffycloudland77 · 25/09/2019 16:40

Well I can see how she loses friends tbh.

Original poster
Littlejayx · 25/09/2019 16:40

So she’s read the message and then posted one of those photo quote things on Facebook saying ‘with friends like these who need enemies’ with bloody oak trees in the background 😂😂😂.

OP posts:
Celebelly · 25/09/2019 16:40

Gj OP! That message is very clear and assertive.

Celebelly · 25/09/2019 16:41

Cross-posted with you. That's hilarious! What a drama queen.

SchadenfreudePersonified · 25/09/2019 16:43

If he told her the baby was fine but there was actually something wrong then she could sue him or he could be arrested. What is she playing at? You don't put someone in that position.

THIS ^

But even if your dad was still a practising clinician, she has no right to intrude on his "down time" constantly like this - it's one thing to pop in if (say) she was very close to his home she had an emergency (eg baby started choking) - otherwise NO!

She's putting your dad in an untenable position. Let's hop your text sorts things out.

Aquamarine1029 · 25/09/2019 16:43

What a selfish, self-absorbed bitch. Block and move on. Your life will be a lot better without her in it. Who needs this kind of bullshit drama?

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