Aibu to wonder if everybody life is like this?

[Laraaussie]

So today I got up at 6am, coffee, breakfast, then rushed around getting ready sorting kids eldest just sits around and does nothing unless told, no common sense, youngest 4yo spends all morning moaning and having tantrums because he can't get his socks on.

Left house, dropped dc at childcare, struggled through bad traffic to get to work. Left work, got stuck in unexpectedly bad traffic, was going to be late to collect dc so had to ring my mother who thankfully was able to collect them but I was super stressed.

Got home, youngest heads straight to the toilet for his usual after school poo, calls me to wipe his bottom. I then leave him to wash his hands while I have a tidy up, can hear water, he's left the tap running with the plug in and had flooded the bathroom, water pissing through the ceiling so I'm trying to dry it all up with towels while youngest is crying because he's flooded the bathroom

I nag eldest to pick up after himself as he leaves a trail of mess in his path.

I cook dinner, then go out to swimming lessons, more traffic, no parking spaces at busy leisure centre despite leaving in plenty of time we only make it in in the nick of time. After swimming queue for showers, people pushing in gives me the rage.

Head to shops for milk/bread top up, forget the bread.

Home, eat the dinner I've cooked, dh home by then, by the time we've cleared up, got kids to bed, sorted bags/uniforms for tomorrow, stuck a washing load on, we've just sat down.

I'm knackered and tomorrow I do it all again.

Sorry not been back, I have been reading replies.

To be fair to dh, he does his share, he works longer hours so I do more of the house/child stuff. But neither of us sit down of an evening until the other does.

I think a big frustration for us is that youngest just does not sleep. It's utterly shit. He's always been a terrible sleeper. Right now it's 8.30pm and he's still not asleep. We've tried everything. It makes you really tense because you know he needs the sleep, but it's a rarity that he's asleep before 8pm and more often closer to 9. Then he wakes up in the night. He's very high maintenance during the day. Bursts into big dramatic tears at the slightest thing, so it just feels relentless.

As for the swimming and other clubs, although it's often rushing around to get to places the dc really enjoy them. I love watching youngest swim because he's really in his element in the water, so once I'm there it's actually a break for me because I can sit for half an hour watching him do something he actually enjoys. He's calmer afterwards too.

The dc stayed with grandparents for a few nights during the school holidays, me and dh were still at work, but it was absolute bliss. The evenings were so calm and chilled out.

I love the dc but I think they just drain the energy out of me.

@Hey1256 people love to be negative. Everyone copes differently. I struggled with maternity leave I admit, but have been happy since being back in work. Mine are school aged now, yes we're busy, but I thrive off it tbh, it would be a very boring existence for me to have an easy life! The key for me is to share the mental load, and do what you can to make life easier. Keep things in perspective, no one is going to die if you give football a miss one week or if you forget to clean the oven! So much of the pressure is self inflicted.

Tonight I'm still struggling to get 2 year old to sleep. We started at 7pm.
DS1 (6) is refusing to sleep without a story but also won't share a bed with his brother so I can get them both to bed at the same time. He wants me to shout it from another room

DS1 is grumbling about the story and saying "today is the worst day ever!"
DS2 is sticking his fingers up my nose and laughing like a hyena.
I have given up until DP gets home from work (hopefully in the next 10 minutes) and takes over with the youngest. He is a sleep wizard.

Laraaussie, you need to have a film/board game weekend, my DC and I are having one this weekend....it goes along the lines of

Loads of snacks and easy dinners are bought and organised
Friday night all homework and school uniform washing is done and hung up
we shower in the morning's and clean jimjams go on...no clothes allowed! No-one is allowed in or out (that's super important) Both kids (15 & 9) even plan the pjs they want to wear
That's it.....we watch films....we play games....we share sweeties....we plan to do nothing....and we do nothing.

Once every couple of months the kids will say, can we please have a movie weekend....they like to switch off too

OP, do you work part time?

I found working part time that I did everything and was exhausted. Working full time my ds’s are with a childminder until 6pm, and the time after is quality time. I then can pay a cleaner, it’s less messier and clubs are done on a Saturday morning.

I'm out of the house from 7 am until 7 pm working. School drop off is super early. I have a stressful and demanding job. So does my husband. We are like ships hat pass in the night during the week.

It can feel like a hamster wheel but I feel grateful for my little life and am very happy and content.

We chose to only have one child to make it easier

LOL...sending you a big hug...and a virtual bottle of wine

Awww...bless all you wonderful hard-working mums, you're doing sterling work raising your little ones. It feels like a treadmill you'll never get off, but it'll be over in the blink of an eye. I know because I was in your situation once and now they're all grown up and living somewhere else with children of their own. Enjoy the time you have with them. It's precious and it flies by!

Op, is it worth the stress of both of you working full time by the time you've paid for childcare etc?
If you are both full time, why isn't your DH collecting from school etc? You should be sharing these chores, which are let's face it, more stressful than 'going to work'.
Do you have a big age gap between DC?

I hate to say, this is completely normal. When the kids refused to pick things up after themselves, I told them it would all go in bin bags and out with the rubbish. They had the usual 3 warnings, and still, there it all was, and then it wasn't, it was all in bun bags, out with the rubbish. There was complete panic when they got home from school, why is there so much rubbish? Oh, that's your stuff I keep asking you to put away ..... It was all retrieved, and it was always put away when I asked, because I used to have a bin bag under my arm as I went round clearing up. They soon learn. Delegate to the kids. They get the hang of it quite quickly when they're in serious danger of losing their treasured crap!

That's life you are describing with children, but a bad day... But your youngest hasn't got basic skills, putting on socks, wiping bottom, flooding the home... why not? Eldest? You do not state age but should be able to tidy up after themselves so set some ground rules!

I’m exhausted just reading it but takes me back to when my kids were little. Believe me it does get better/easier and believe it or not I miss those heady days 😊

Sounds familiar. I ditched swimming lessons. We do them in crash courses in school holidays. Swimming on school nights could have tipped me over to the dark If it’s not enough of a fag, the packing of bags, sitting in traffic, finding parking, shoehorning small children into lyrca, the only hour of ‘peace’ in the day is spent sitting poolside, sweating, with blue bags on feet knowing in 20 mins have to do the whole palava in reverse.

with blue bags on feet Do you have to put those blue shoe cover things on your feet? Is that usual in the UK?

Yes, unforch, blue foot bags are mandatory in our (grim) local pool. I gladly wear them after the time I stepped barefoot in an actual poo on the changing room

Detest swimming lessons....

*floor

This is my life exactly but without the parental safety net - they both died several years ago and no other family. If I’m running late there is no one to call for help.
Appreciate the good things in life that you have

Yes, drudgery, routine, dull but you can make it better. There will be days when you just 'exist' but if there are too many of those where you don't make the most of time together then what's it all for ? Use the time in the car with kids to chat, be silly , sing songs , have a bit of fun and light relief for you all. Take a lesson from the kids who always seem to find something to laugh at, interesting things to see and observe, random weird thoughts to say out loud.
You are lucky to be able to spend time with them during the week. As a ft long hours parent I had many, many days when I didn't see my kids at all - just kissed them whilst they were asleep. I know that sounds a bit 'oh woe me' but it's true. And tbh sometimes I was glad of the escape !

My kids are bigger now and it gets easier as you train them to stack the dishwasher, teach them to cook etc so you can do chores together.

Sometimes I think you just need to stop, if only for a moment, look at your little people, and realise how bloody miraculous they are and how much you love them. Childhood rushes past, it really does. The rush of love gets you through a lot. That may sound like a romantic, idealised and ridiculous but it's true (for me anyway).

Play more. That's my advice in a nutshell

omg I have found my people! We only have one (but stupidly want another) aged one and it's SO tough!!! House is permanently a mess (so hard to get cleaners where we live), I'm permanently exhausted. Work 4 days a week. Finish at 330 but by time pick up DC and get home its 430 so really barely any time with him before and after the battle of dinner/bath/getting night clothes on. Then one of us has to make dinner, do bag for next day, deal with life admin. It just sucks!!!

A lot of posts on this thread seem to assume that SAHM = easier life. But I tried being a SAHM and hated it. I found it so stressful and boring at the same time, I admire those who do it long term as i'm just not cut out for it. I work four days a week, term time only now and it's a good balance. I absolutely adore my job. It's so rewarding and although it can be challenging, I wouldn't have it any other way. Life does feel quite busy during term time and I often feel tired but I think that's probably inevitable with a 5yo and a 1yo. I am very lucky though that my commute to work is only 15 minutes. I leave the house at 7.30am but I'm home by 4pm so I don't mind. DH works from home at least two days a week and those mornings are bliss because I can take my time getting ready. The mornings DH isn't WFH are hectic but it's fine because it's not every day. We also have two very involved GP's jump at the chance to babysit so we get the odd night to ourselves which really makes a difference. I could earn more money working all year round, longer hours and if I was willing to commute but I've been there done that and i'm much happier and healthier with my current set up.

Some of the schedules on here do sound exhausting. I won't do clubs/activities in the week other than the ones run by school which just mean a later pick up. Oldest has swimming lessons on Saturday morning so DH takes her, I put the baby down for a nap and then have some time to do jobs. No way would I do swimming lessons in the week! I only host after-school playdates on my non-working day and not every week. DH does most of the cooking and we don't cook from scratch every night. I don't volunteer for the PTA (happy to donate though) and don't accept invitations to social events unless it's convenient and I genuinely want to. Maybe that makes me lazy but I refuse to let myself get run down, exhausted and miserable by trying to be all things to all people. Like I said, been there, done that and not going back

^^ Not 'lazy' at all sounds very sensible. Some people seem to take on too much and then stress about it.

I blame the swimming lessons. Theres nothing quite like a swimming lesson even when I don't have to get in the pool any more (kids are 5 and 7) to make me feel I've run a marathon and deserve a medal and a large glass of wine.

Then throw in two football clubs, extra 'fun' swimming, an art class, bloody play dates and vast amount of homework.

I work 3 days a week and would lose my mind if I did 5. Hats off to you all that do.

Also packed lunches! I have so many friends who spend stupid amounts of time on packed lunches because little jimmy doesn't like school dinners. Tough luck Jimmy, school dinners all the way in this house. Especially when they're bloody free in KS1!!

I'm definitely with you on that one purple.

It's so bloody hard, and I think most of us have been there. I am getting to the end of all this shit as youngest is 10, but we still have a very busy household so some time ago I decided to just do the essentials. In your shoes op, and based entirely on your original post, I wouldn't cook dinner, I would bring home chips after swimming. That way you would have time to supervise youngest in bathroom, then sit down for a coffee. One thing I have learned, don't rush, it's pointless and stressful. Try to leave early when possible, but if you are running late, be late, it's not the end of the world. Organize everything the night before to simplify your mornings as much as possible when your dh is there to help, no matter how tired you both are, morning you will thank you. Your youngest not sleeping is an absolute pain, but you say you have tried everything, so maybe it's time to accept it and just go with it. I know it all sounds very simple when it really isn't, but I have been a mum for nearly 30 years, and I have learned to just do what absolutely needs to be done, and take the easy way out as much as possible. None of it will really matter in a few years anyway.