Aibu to wonder if everybody life is like this?

[Laraaussie]

So today I got up at 6am, coffee, breakfast, then rushed around getting ready sorting kids eldest just sits around and does nothing unless told, no common sense, youngest 4yo spends all morning moaning and having tantrums because he can't get his socks on.

Left house, dropped dc at childcare, struggled through bad traffic to get to work. Left work, got stuck in unexpectedly bad traffic, was going to be late to collect dc so had to ring my mother who thankfully was able to collect them but I was super stressed.

Got home, youngest heads straight to the toilet for his usual after school poo, calls me to wipe his bottom. I then leave him to wash his hands while I have a tidy up, can hear water, he's left the tap running with the plug in and had flooded the bathroom, water pissing through the ceiling so I'm trying to dry it all up with towels while youngest is crying because he's flooded the bathroom

I nag eldest to pick up after himself as he leaves a trail of mess in his path.

I cook dinner, then go out to swimming lessons, more traffic, no parking spaces at busy leisure centre despite leaving in plenty of time we only make it in in the nick of time. After swimming queue for showers, people pushing in gives me the rage.

Head to shops for milk/bread top up, forget the bread.

Home, eat the dinner I've cooked, dh home by then, by the time we've cleared up, got kids to bed, sorted bags/uniforms for tomorrow, stuck a washing load on, we've just sat down.

I'm knackered and tomorrow I do it all again.

This sounds like my Fridays. I try to keep it to one day a week of school run/work/school run/dinner/swimming etc or I’d go mad. Saturday mornings we split them up and it’s bliss just having to get one to football/the other to gymnastics then home for lunch

If I listed everything that happened then yy it would read like that. But I don't tend to think of my days in those terms. I found reading your OP much more stressful than I've found my day. However, I am exhausted by the end of the week and count the days till the holidays. I'm currently trying to work out how we can carve out some time to feel relaxed.

When we got back from swimming last week I was trying to cook pasta bake and DS said “can I have a ham sandwich instead” and I just thought “fuck it, yes whatever”. I might do a McDonalds run next week if I can’t be arsed!

Yes yes yes.

I do wonder whether it’s supposed to be this hard.

I only have only child but my god, she is hard work.

On working mornings she wakes me up at 5.30, clings to my leg screaming for 2 hours while I try to get myself ready, get her dressed and do breakfast.

House is constantly a state which impacts my mental health massively.

Work is busy as I fit everything into three days so lunch is non existent. I live for the days I get to be at home!

I have started multivitamins, a vitamin D spray and a immune system booster which seems to be keeping illness away so far.. I was ill so much after returning from mat leave and it almost broke me.

Thankfully others are experiencing the same crap!

My two children are both at Secondary and somehow the responsibility get later at night.

Bizarrely it gets different (bad English I know). Feel bad but there is no quality time to talk to DH.

Help!

Yep. Normal.
I ended up dropping the job for a multitude of reasons mainly revolving around life being very unbalanced and overall of greater detriment to family life than benefit.
I still seem to have filled life up though! Since losing a load of TAs, I'm now helping in school x3 per week as otherwise DS won't get the interventions he needs. There is a lot of extra curricular running around, but it does really help DS with skills that aren't well developed in a narrow curriculum. It can be frustrating that he is slower learning some independence and personal skills than me, but at least I now know it's with a reason.

Society treats time as a vacuum to be filled. Sometimes busy can be valued more than efficiency and necessity.

Yep.
Mine are older but I'm still burnt out, although I'm a LP so that's probably normal.
12yr old DS forgot to load the dishwasher this evening (his only chore and had had endless reminders ) so that will greet me at 6:30am.

Hugs OP, not working so not really much help but sahm to 4 and yes, run about a lot but I find it's getting slightly easier and actually, after having a few really sad things lately I'm grateful for groundhog day instead of hospitals. Big hug and try to do one nice thing for yourself, foot soak, pampery shower or the like. And take a few hours off work someday but not for a doctor's appointment- for you to go for a walk or a swim

But then they’ll grow up, leave home and we’ll give anything to have that life back ....

Nope, bet you won't 😂

Yes, sounds pretty normal when my kids were younger! It does get easier when they get older, I often wonder how I did it!

Yep. Normal! Then you blink, your DC have left home, you're divorced and living alone...enjoy the chaos OP!! As they say, this too will pass.

Yes, mine are like this. My 6 year old was annoyed with me for not letting him watch tv, so in annoyance he left the shower door open whilst showering and proceeded to purposefully splash water all over the floor.
I made him clean it up (he had to figure out how to).
He used a bath towel, which was fine, but I told him that this has generated an extra job for me i.e to wash it, so it was his job to do that.
I showed him how to use the washing machine - got him to set it for a 20min quick wash purely for the principle of him having to wash it. Put the teeniest bit of laundry powder and the whole thing over-foamed and a bit flooded out. Cue: another towel used....aaargh.

This is really not selling children to me....

My friend who is childfree by choice works a 3-4 day week and is planning a 2 year round the world trip with her dp of 17yrs for when he Sells his business.

Yep. Groundhog Day for me too. Only just managed to sit down as had dh’s best friend and his dc over for dinner. Tbh, I quite like the traffic, especially after school drop off. It the only time I actually get any peace and quiet

I can clearly remember our life being the same when dc were younger. It does get easier as they grow up, honestly!

Some things that may help:

• no showers after swimming. We went straight home and they showered then and straight into pjs.
• buy bread in bulk and keep some in the freezer always.
• getting dc to help more with chores/routine. It may seem like really hard work to start with but it does pay off. Mine are now teenagers but they do lots at home and are nearly self sufficient plus we get a cup of tea in bed most mornings 😊.

You know why don’t you.. It’s because we now work all the hours and treat the childcare and housework as some sort of ‘daily extra’ rather than an actual full time job.

Makes me wonder whether our grandparents got it right when they had one parent working and the other at home with the kids and housework during those years with school age children.

Don’t get me wrong, it’s awesome that women are independently earning money, but I can’t help thinking we haven’t completely let go of the old ways and attitudes to women’s work in the home.

The difference is that we’re now doing both. No wonder we’re bloody knackered.

This is really not selling children to me....

It’s hard but it’s all worth it.

Nope. I'm childfree (by choice).
I get up at 8 to leave the house at 8.40 for s 15 min walk into work. I finished at 5 and met a friend for food and a glass of wine.
I was home at 8, put a wash on whilst having a bath. Am now in bed with book and hot chocolate. Usually asleep by 11 so I can get 9 hours in.
HOWEVER my trade off for this is I will never get the time with adult children which is the bit I wonder if I'm going to regret. We all make out choices.

I am getting stressed just by reading all this. Honestly speaking I couldn't have done it and would have mental breakdown. I am a SAHP and am looking for work so my day is relaxed atm but once I start working there will be no school activities unless they are included in the after school club. I like having family time and all these activities not only take them about but are overall stessful if every one is being rushed to get from one point to the other. Kids need wind down time after spending a long day at school. I know I needed it when I was a kid and even as an adult when I was working. I would cut down on the activities if I were you and use that time for family. Play with each other, read books, bake. Do anything that can be done at home or without any time constraints.

This sounds very familiar. You're not alone, OP.

I nearly exploded today. It was a joyous combination of a pms hormonal surge, a difficult day at work, having house guests, school open evening, an exercise class, baking for tomorrow's Macmillan coffee morning and trying to organise a big birthday function.

I felt myself losing it slightly and had to take deep breaths or cry in front of my boss. (Who is lovely but would have been bemused)

Tomorrow's another day

Have to say, slightly jealous that you have a mum to call if stuck!

It is hectic for everyone, however we have to admit that some of that is a choice. We don’t have to do the swimming lessons on weekdays, we could do it another time or save it for intensive weeks in summer instead, for example. I never got up at 6am, 7am is doable. We could cut down our work and curtail outgoings.

Not saying you should cut down, it’s just a choice.

Some things I’ve done and honestly my life is way easier - and I’ve a young special needs kid as well as older child so I do have a full load!

• only cook 2/3 times a week. I watched those meal prep things. Revelation! Lots of pasta
• take away once a week delivery.
• shopping all home delivery.
• all morning routine is honed down and efficient, I do most the night before, then make breakfast and lunches in the morning. Mornings are calm which is really good for youngest. Stress is not an option for him.
• nothing you can do about the commute, unless you or DH can alternate kids and leave outside commuter hours.
• see if there is any way you can take public transport.
• routine routine routine in the evenings for a couple of hours. Even if it’s relaxing routine. Only do one club a week max for kids.

Pretty much. But i have 4 kids

Oh my gosh! Sounds like my day today! DCs had porridge and cereal for dinner tonight after swimming because...well..just because.

Honestly, no.

2 years of implementing a very rigid routine has worked wonders and now it’s more or less like clockwork. Plus I’m on sertraline which helps.